Home > Features > Humour >

After rout on rank turner, Dhoni apologises to Motera curator and calls for lifeless pitches

After rout on rank turner, Dhoni apologises to Motera curator and calls for lifeless pitches

Indian captain MS Dhoni had a tearful re-union with Dhiraj Parsana, beseeching him for forgiveness © Getty Images

Please note: This is a humorous piece – pure fiction.

With Team India done in by sharp spin bowling on a wickedly-turning pitch in Mumbai, Mahendra Singh Dhoni has now profusely apologised to Dhiraj Parsana, curator of the Ahmedabad pitch. Dhoni, it may be recalled, had earlier criticised Parsana for preparing a lifeless pitch on which the Indians struggled to win, and called for pitches that turned and bounced from Day One.  Alas, the Wankhede curator took Dhoni’s admonition at face value and prepared a rank turner, resulting in India’s rout.

After making a quick dash for Ahmedabad, Dhoni had a tearful re-union with Parsana, beseeching him for forgiveness.

Parsana chided Dhoni for doubting his patriotism. “I am not a shrewd Gujju for nothing. After thoroughly analysing the strengths and weaknesses of the Indian team, I had concluded that lifeless pitches are the way to go on which the Indian batsmen can pile on  over 500 runs in quick time and then grind the opposition to dust for the rest of the match and meander to a dull win. I was surprised when Dhoni criticised me instead of praising me,” said the teary-eyed Parsana, as two hugged and made up.

On the way back to Mumbai, Dhoni turned philosophical and admitted that his boys were so much at sea in the Mumbai Test that it seemed straight out of  the Hollywood flick, ‘Life of Pi’  and not just because he’s averaging 3.142 in the series. “Tossing and turning, with a few bunnies and a white elephant for company, and a ferocious tiger of a turning pitch to grapple with, that’s how surreal playing this Test was. I was one of the bunnies, of course,” noted the Indian skipper.

“Or, alternatively, the story of the match was that the English played and bowled spin better than we did. Which story you prefer depends on your belief in God and I’m not referring to Sachin (Tendulkar) here,” he observed, as he lazily inhaled a cigarette and blew a circle in the air to sum up his own impact with the bat.

Meanwhile, Prasenjit Bose, the groundsman for the third Test to be played in Eden Gardens, has assured a jittery Indian camp that the pitch will be as lifeless as the dry bed of the Hoogly in peak summer. “It will offer nothing for the bowlers and the Indians should easily pile up over 700 runs, with even Sachin Tendulkar reaching double figures. After that the boys can press forth for a dull, meandering win,” he promised. 

(Reproduced with permission from http://www.theunrealtimes.com/. The UnReal Times is one of the top websites for satire, spoof, parody and humour in India)

South Africa tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Jul 24, 2014 (10:00 IST)   at Colombo

India tour of England 2014

Jul 27, 2014 (15:30 IST)   at Southampton

Pakistan tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Aug 6, 2014 (10:00 IST)   at Galle

India tour of England 2014

Aug 7, 2014 (15:30 IST)   at Manchester

South Africa in Zimbabwe, 2014

Aug 9, 2014 (13:30 IST)   at Harare

More

Afghanistan tour of Zimbabwe, 2014

Jul 24, 2014  at Bulawayo

Afghanistan won by 100 runs

Afghanistan tour of Zimbabwe, 2014

Jul 22, 2014  at Bulawayo

Afghanistan won by 2 wkts

Afghanistan tour of Zimbabwe, 2014

Jul 20, 2014  at Bulawayo

Zimbabwe won by 8 wkts

Afghanistan tour of Zimbabwe, 2014

Jul 18, 2014  at Bulawayo

Zimbabwe won by 6 wkts

India tour of England 2014

Jul 17, 2014  at London

India won by 95 runs

Photos

Heroes of India's Test wins in England

Videos

Rahul Dravid reflects on India's historic win at Lord's

Sri Lanka vs South Africa 2nd Test Day 2 Live Cricket Score: Amla walks to middle after Elgar’s dismissal

10 things you need to know about Zaheer Abbas

Sri Lanka vs South Africa 2nd Test at Colombo: Pride at stake for high-flying hosts

Mahela Jayawardene at SSC: A tale of 11 tons

Please help Graeme Pollock, cricket boards and franchises of the world

England England vs India England vs India 2014 India India tour of England 2014 India vs England India vs England 2014 Ishant Sharma South Africa South Africa tour of Sri Lanka 2014 South Africa vs Sri Lanka South Africa vs Sri Lanka 2014 Sri Lanka Sri Lanka vs South Africa Sri Lanka vs South Africa 2014

Alstair Cook should speak to Graham Gooch about batting, feels Bob Willis

Sri Lanka vs South Africa 2014, 2nd Test at SSC: Hosts dismissed at 421

Sri Lanka dominate the first session of Day 2 against South Africa; post 395/6 at Lunch

Darren Bravo takes Trinidad and Tobago Red Stell to victory with last-ball six against Guyana Amazon Warriors

Mahela Jayawardene completes 7,000 Test runs on Sri Lankan soil; gets to 150 against South Africa

Afghanistan’s recent victories over Zimbabwe are encouraging for their build-up to ICC World Cup 2015

India vs England 2014, 3rd Test at Southampton: Should Ravichandran Ashwin get a look-in?

Physically challenged cricketers aim to bring glory to India

India tour of England 2014: Mohammed Shami has impressed in patches but wickets elude him

India tour of England 2014: Fake Facebook wall of England cricket team after the defeat at Lords

Fan of the Day

Fan Cricket

Fan Cricket

11 Posts | 2 Fans

Brazil vs Netherlands, 3rd place Fifa World Cup 2014 match Video Highlights

Tamil Nadu Chief Minister Jayalalithaa announces Rs.2,325 crore road projects

Filmmakers react on Saif Ali Khan’s statement about Humshakals being a mistake!

Sri Lanka vs South Africa 2014, 2nd Test at SSC: Hosts dismissed at 421

Samsung Galaxy Note 4 to reportedly launch in the first week of September

Hrithik Roshan beats Hollywood heroes in Bang Bang!

Afghanistan’s recent victories over Zimbabwe are encouraging for their build-up to ICC World Cup 2015

Lakme Fashion Week: Kareena Kapoor to be showstopper for Manish Malhotra

Consumers choosing phablets over tablets

Also on cricketcountry.com

Play Fantasy Cricket & Win

Cash Daily! Click here