Home > Features > Humour >

After rout on rank turner, Dhoni apologises to Motera curator and calls for lifeless pitches

After rout on rank turner, Dhoni apologises to Motera curator and calls for lifeless pitches

Indian captain MS Dhoni had a tearful re-union with Dhiraj Parsana, beseeching him for forgiveness © Getty Images

Please note: This is a humorous piece – pure fiction.

With Team India done in by sharp spin bowling on a wickedly-turning pitch in Mumbai, Mahendra Singh Dhoni has now profusely apologised to Dhiraj Parsana, curator of the Ahmedabad pitch. Dhoni, it may be recalled, had earlier criticised Parsana for preparing a lifeless pitch on which the Indians struggled to win, and called for pitches that turned and bounced from Day One.  Alas, the Wankhede curator took Dhoni’s admonition at face value and prepared a rank turner, resulting in India’s rout.

After making a quick dash for Ahmedabad, Dhoni had a tearful re-union with Parsana, beseeching him for forgiveness.

Parsana chided Dhoni for doubting his patriotism. “I am not a shrewd Gujju for nothing. After thoroughly analysing the strengths and weaknesses of the Indian team, I had concluded that lifeless pitches are the way to go on which the Indian batsmen can pile on  over 500 runs in quick time and then grind the opposition to dust for the rest of the match and meander to a dull win. I was surprised when Dhoni criticised me instead of praising me,” said the teary-eyed Parsana, as two hugged and made up.

On the way back to Mumbai, Dhoni turned philosophical and admitted that his boys were so much at sea in the Mumbai Test that it seemed straight out of  the Hollywood flick, ‘Life of Pi’  and not just because he’s averaging 3.142 in the series. “Tossing and turning, with a few bunnies and a white elephant for company, and a ferocious tiger of a turning pitch to grapple with, that’s how surreal playing this Test was. I was one of the bunnies, of course,” noted the Indian skipper.

“Or, alternatively, the story of the match was that the English played and bowled spin better than we did. Which story you prefer depends on your belief in God and I’m not referring to Sachin (Tendulkar) here,” he observed, as he lazily inhaled a cigarette and blew a circle in the air to sum up his own impact with the bat.

Meanwhile, Prasenjit Bose, the groundsman for the third Test to be played in Eden Gardens, has assured a jittery Indian camp that the pitch will be as lifeless as the dry bed of the Hoogly in peak summer. “It will offer nothing for the bowlers and the Indians should easily pile up over 700 runs, with even Sachin Tendulkar reaching double figures. After that the boys can press forth for a dull, meandering win,” he promised. 

(Reproduced with permission from http://www.theunrealtimes.com/. The UnReal Times is one of the top websites for satire, spoof, parody and humour in India)

West Indies in South Africa, 2014-15

Dec 26, 2014 (14:00 IST)   at Port Elizabeth

Sri Lanka tour of New Zealand, 2014-15

Dec 26, 2014 (03:30 IST)   at Christchurch

India tour of Australia, 2014-15

Dec 26, 2014 (05:00 IST)   at Melbourne

West Indies in South Africa, 2014-15

Jan 2, 2015 (14:00 IST)   at Cape Town

Sri Lanka tour of New Zealand, 2014-15

Jan 3, 2015 (03:30 IST)   at Wellington

More

Pakistan vs New Zealand in UAE, 2014

Dec 19, 2014  at Abu Dhabi

New Zealand won by 68 runs

India tour of Australia, 2014-15

Dec 17, 2014  at Woolloongabba, Brisbane

Australia won by 4 wkts

Pakistan vs New Zealand in UAE, 2014

Dec 17, 2014  at Abu Dhabi

New Zealand won by 7 runs

West Indies in South Africa, 2014-15

Dec 17, 2014  at Centurion

South Africa won by an innings and 220 runs

England tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Dec 16, 2014  at Colombo

Sri Lanka won by 87 runs

Photos

India vs Australia, 2nd Test at Brisbane

Videos

Ind vs Aus: Dhoni analyses the 4-wicket loss at Brisbane

Akshar Patel picked far too early for Test cricket

Live Cricket Score Ranji Trophy 2014-15, Round 3, Day 2 — All matches: Yuvraj Singh scores 2nd century in his 2nd Ranji game this season

Shahid Afridi, please do not take the innocence away from cricket

South Africa vs West Indies 2014-15: Is Jason Holder a captain or a stooge?

Can Eoin Morgan change England’s limited-overs fortunes?

Australia India Interviews Moments in history Ricky Ponting

Ranji Trophy 2014-15, Jharkhand vs Tripura: Bishal Ghosh, Rakesh Solanki fifties guide Tripura to 85-run lead on Day 2

India vs Australia 2014-15, 3rd Test at Melbourne: Shikhar dhawan declared fit to play

Ranji Trophy 2014-15, Delhi vs Rajasthan: Unmukt Chand, Virender Sehwag guide Delhi to position of strength

Eoin Morgan perfect nab to lead England in ICC Cricket World Cup 2015, feels Ravi Bopara

MS Dhoni, Virat Kohli, Suresh Raina included in BCCI Grade A contracts

Akshar Patel picked far too early for Test cricket

ICC World Cup 2015: Will India’s trend of performing against expectations continue?

Moin Khan: Pakistan must carry momentum in ICC World Cup 2015

West Indies tour of South Africa 2014-15: One-sided encounters may suck interest out of series

India tour of Australia 2014-15: Can Australia make it 12 wins in a row at home?

Fan of the Day

Niharika Shah

Niharika Shah

683 Posts | 6 Fans

Mitchell Johnson's 37 wickets against England in Ashes 2013-14

प्रसिद्ध कथक नृत्यांगना सितारा देवी नहीं रही

More broadband connections to boost GDP growth in Asia Pacific: GSMA

India is becoming our largest overseas market, Xiaomi CEO Lei Jun says

Bigg Boss 8: Ali Quli Mirza, Renee Dhyani, Upen Patel, Praneet Bhatt, Sonali Raut – who should be evicted this week?

Revealed: The reason why Kishore Kumar’s biopic starring Ranbir Kapoor won’t feature Katrina Kaif!

अभिनेत्री प्रियंका चोपड़ा ने स्वच्छ भारत अभियान में हिस्सा लिया

Also on cricketcountry.com

Play Fantasy Cricket & Win

Cash Daily! Click here