Home > Features > Humour >

After rout on rank turner, Dhoni apologises to Motera curator and calls for lifeless pitches

After rout on rank turner, Dhoni apologises to Motera curator and calls for lifeless pitches

Indian captain MS Dhoni had a tearful re-union with Dhiraj Parsana, beseeching him for forgiveness © Getty Images

Please note: This is a humorous piece – pure fiction.

With Team India done in by sharp spin bowling on a wickedly-turning pitch in Mumbai, Mahendra Singh Dhoni has now profusely apologised to Dhiraj Parsana, curator of the Ahmedabad pitch. Dhoni, it may be recalled, had earlier criticised Parsana for preparing a lifeless pitch on which the Indians struggled to win, and called for pitches that turned and bounced from Day One.  Alas, the Wankhede curator took Dhoni’s admonition at face value and prepared a rank turner, resulting in India’s rout.

After making a quick dash for Ahmedabad, Dhoni had a tearful re-union with Parsana, beseeching him for forgiveness.

Parsana chided Dhoni for doubting his patriotism. “I am not a shrewd Gujju for nothing. After thoroughly analysing the strengths and weaknesses of the Indian team, I had concluded that lifeless pitches are the way to go on which the Indian batsmen can pile on  over 500 runs in quick time and then grind the opposition to dust for the rest of the match and meander to a dull win. I was surprised when Dhoni criticised me instead of praising me,” said the teary-eyed Parsana, as two hugged and made up.

On the way back to Mumbai, Dhoni turned philosophical and admitted that his boys were so much at sea in the Mumbai Test that it seemed straight out of  the Hollywood flick, ‘Life of Pi’  and not just because he’s averaging 3.142 in the series. “Tossing and turning, with a few bunnies and a white elephant for company, and a ferocious tiger of a turning pitch to grapple with, that’s how surreal playing this Test was. I was one of the bunnies, of course,” noted the Indian skipper.

“Or, alternatively, the story of the match was that the English played and bowled spin better than we did. Which story you prefer depends on your belief in God and I’m not referring to Sachin (Tendulkar) here,” he observed, as he lazily inhaled a cigarette and blew a circle in the air to sum up his own impact with the bat.

Meanwhile, Prasenjit Bose, the groundsman for the third Test to be played in Eden Gardens, has assured a jittery Indian camp that the pitch will be as lifeless as the dry bed of the Hoogly in peak summer. “It will offer nothing for the bowlers and the Indians should easily pile up over 700 runs, with even Sachin Tendulkar reaching double figures. After that the boys can press forth for a dull, meandering win,” he promised. 

(Reproduced with permission from http://www.theunrealtimes.com/. The UnReal Times is one of the top websites for satire, spoof, parody and humour in India)

India tour of Australia 2014, Practice matches

Nov 24, 2014 (05:29 IST)   at Glenelg, Adelaide

Pakistan vs New Zealand in UAE, 2014

Nov 26, 2014 (11:30 IST)   at Sharjah

India tour of Australia 2014, Practice matches

Nov 28, 2014 (05:29 IST)   at Adelaide

England tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Nov 29, 2014 (10:00 IST)   at Colombo

Deodhar Trophy, 2014-15

Nov 29, 2014 (14:30 IST)   at TBC

More

Afghanistan tour of UAE, 2014

Nov 28, 2014  at Dubai

United Arab Emirates won by 5 wkts

Zimbabwe tour of Bangladesh, 2014

Nov 28, 2014  at Dhaka

Bangladesh won by 21 runs

Zimbabwe tour of Bangladesh, 2014

Nov 26, 2014  at Dhaka

Bangladesh won by 124 runs

England tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Nov 26, 2014  at Colombo

Sri Lanka won by 25 runs

Hong Kong tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Nov 24, 2014  at Colombo

Hong Kong won by 2 wkts

Photos

Phil Hughes suffers head injury: In photos

Videos

Phil Hughes passes away: Video tribute

Sean Abbott will find the road ahead a living nightmare

Phillip Hughes’ death: What happens to India vs Australia Test series?

Phillip Hughes 63 not out, forever

Phil Hughes: Remembering his most memorable knocks

Phillip Hughes passes away: Crying for Phillip Hughes

Australia England India New Zealand New Zealand tour of UAE 2014 New Zealand vs Pakistan New Zealand vs Pakistan 2014 Pakistan Pakistan vs New Zealand Pakistan vs New Zealand 2014 Phil Hughes Phil Hughes Death Phil Hughes head injury Phillip Hughes Sri Lanka

India tour of Australia 2014-15: 1st Test set to be rescheduled as David Warner, Shane Watson and Brad Haddin not ready

UAE beat Afghanistan by 5-wickets in first ODI at Dubai

Bangladesh edge out Zimbabwe by 21 runs in 4th ODI at Dhaka

Phillip Hughes was destined for greatness: Steve Waugh

Afghanistan set 249-run target against UAE in 1st ODI at Dubai

Brendon McCullum smashes fastest Test century for New Zealand

Pakistan vs New Zealand, 3rd Test at Sharjah, Day Two: Statistical Highlights

Phillip Hughes’ death: Cricket resumes, but with a heavy heart

Bangladesh vs Zimbabwe 2014, 4th ODI at Dhaka: Highlights

Mushfiqur Rahim and Mohammad Mahmudullah record second-highest fifth wicket partnership for Bangladesh in ODIs

Fan of the Day

Niharika Shah

Niharika Shah

682 Posts | 6 Fans

Video: Phil Hughes suffers head injury, collapses on field during New South Wales vs South Australia tie

India is becoming our largest overseas market, Xiaomi CEO Lei Jun says

Pukaar’s Rannvijay Singh will face new challenges with ‘Zen Life’

Yami Gautam Birthday: The Vicky Donor girl turns 26 (In Pics)

6 medical miracles that will blow your mind

OPEC daily basket price closes over three US dollars lower

Badlapur new poster: Varun Dhawan stuns us with his deadly rugged avatar – view pic!

More broadband connections to boost GDP growth in Asia Pacific: GSMA

6 must-have aromatherapy oils for your medicine cabinet

Also on cricketcountry.com

Play Fantasy Cricket & Win

Cash Daily! Click here