Home > Features > Humour >

After WhatsApp, Facebook acquires ace social networker Rajiv Shukla for $100bn

Mark Zuckerberg (left) said he’s excited to work with a champion networker like Rajeev Shukla © Getty Images
Mark Zuckerberg (left) said he’s excited to work with a champion networker like Rajeev Shukla © Getty Images

By UnReal Mama

Please note this is a humour article – work of pure fiction

Days after acquiring red hot mobile messaging service WhatsApp for $19 bn, social networking behemoth, Facebook, has gone ahead and acquired Indian politician and champion social networker, Rajeev Shukla, for a whopping $100 bn.  The deal gives Facebook access to Rajeev Shukla’s Samsung Galaxy smartphone, with its collection of the private numbers of VVIPs from Bollywood to cricket to politics, and is expected to solidify Facebook’s presence in old world Indian networks that have not yet been penetrated by new age social networking. Facebook will also get access to the collection of photographs of Rajeev Shukla posing with celebrities during important occasions as part of the deal from which it plans to make the mother of all ‘lookback’ movies.

The markets have hailed the move with Facebook shares rising by five per cent as soon as the deal was announced.  “Although the deal, at first blush, appears pricey, we think it has compelling strategic logic,” said a research analyst. “Thanks to acquiring Rajeev Shukla, Mark Zuckerberg can ping Sonia Gandhi on Gmail, DM Rahul Gandhi on the Twitter handle he uses to to troll AAP and BJP supporters, hangout with Dr Manmohan Singh on Google+, share screen-space with Bollywood A listers, and whisper sweet nothings into Nita Ambani’s ears in the dugouts. Rajeev Shukla is the key to cracking the Indian market and Facebook is now a step ahead of rivals like Google who were waiting to pounce on him.”

Zuckerberg said he’s excited to work with a champion networker like Shukla. “No matter how much Facebook or Whatsapp scale up, they will never match the power of Shukla sir’s social network in South Asia. Now I quickly look forward to integrating his contacts with the Facebook platform and personally benefiting from it by hanging out with Shahrukh Khan and getting a hug from Preity Zinta when I come to India during IPL,” said the founder of Facebook.

A blushing but modest Shukla said he’s “estunned to know that his network, built over years of patient sucking up and ego-massaging, is worth $100 bn and looks forward to doing business with eZuckerberg.”

(Originally published in www.theunrealtimes.comUnreal Mama” is the pen name of CS Krishna & Karthik Laxman, founding editors of the site which is India’s favourite satire, spoof, parody and humour portal. The above spoof is based on an idea by UnReal columnist, Ashwin S Kumar)

India tour of England 2014

Sep 2, 2014 (15:00 IST)   at Birmingham

Zimbabwe Triangular Series, 2014

Sep 2, 2014 (13:00 IST)   at Harare

Zimbabwe Triangular Series, 2014

Sep 4, 2014 (13:00 IST)   at Harare

India tour of England 2014

Sep 5, 2014 (15:00 IST)   at Leeds

Bangladesh Tour of West Indies, 2014

Sep 5, 2014 (19:30 IST)   at Kingstown, St Vincent

More

Zimbabwe Triangular Series, 2014

Aug 31, 2014  at Harare

Zimbabwe won by 3 wkts

Pakistan tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Aug 30, 2014  at Dambulla

SL won by 7 wkts (D/L method)

India tour of England 2014

Aug 30, 2014  at Nottingham

India won by 6 wkts

Zimbabwe Triangular Series, 2014

Aug 29, 2014  at Harare

South Africa won by 61 runs

Zimbabwe Triangular Series, 2014

Aug 27, 2014  at Harare

South Africa won by 7 wkts

Photos

Australia vs Zimbabwe, ODI tri-series at Harare

Videos

Misbah disppointed with Pakistan's performance

Australia’s losses to minnows in limited-overs cricket

India tour of England 2014: Who is Jason Roy?

Zimbabwe’s 12 most memorable victories in international cricket

Zimbabwe vs Australia, 4th ODI: Highlights

Elton Chigumbura-Prosper Utseya partnership takes Zimbabwe to historic win over Australia

Australia Australia and South Africa in Zimbabwe 2014 Australia vs Zimbabwe England England vs India England vs India 2014 India India tour of England 2014 India vs England India vs England 2014 Pakistan South Africa Zimbabwe Zimbabwe Triangular Series 2014 Zimbabwe vs Australia

Sourav Ganguly: England have mental block playing spinners

BCCI official: Tough for board to host Annual General Meeting this month

Javed Miandad, Abdul Qadir question mindset of Pakistan players

Aditya Verma: Happy with Supreme Court’s decision not to reinstate N Srinivasan as BCCI president

Misbah-ul-Haq shouldn’t lead Pakistan any more, feel former players

Myth busting – Ranji, CB Fry, Sussex and the fertile mind of Neville Cardus

Duncan Fletcher’s heroics and Zimbabwe’s first win over Australia

Archie MacLaren’s amateurs fell Warwick Armstrong’s mighty Australians in one of cricket’s greatest fairytales

David Bairstow: A champion claimed by depression

Should Michael Clarke cut down on playing time ahead of ICC World Cup 2015?

Fan of the Day

Niharika Shah

Niharika Shah

668 Posts | 6 Fans

Yuvraj Singh's ton against MCC

Sony SmartWatch 3 and SmartBand Talk leaked ahead of September 4 launch

Motorola Moto G successor will also be called Moto G, leaked photo from Flipkart warehouse suggests

Revealed: Celebs you might see in Salman Khan’s Bigg Boss 8

BCCI official: Tough for board to host Annual General Meeting this month

NGOs pursue education for all

Shah Rukh Khan to start shooting for Fan and Raees next year!

Fifty BJP MPs stage dharna against UP government

Xiaomi Redmi 1S on flash sale on Sept 2, will Flipkart crash once again?

How to plan a home birth

9 blood cancer signs and symptoms you should know

Also on cricketcountry.com

Play Fantasy Cricket & Win

Cash Daily! Click here