After WhatsApp, Facebook acquires ace social networker Rajiv Shukla for $100bn
Mark Zuckerberg (left) said he’s excited to work with a champion networker like Rajeev Shukla © Getty Images
By UnReal Mama
Please note this is a humour article – work of pure fiction
Days after acquiring red hot mobile messaging service WhatsApp for $19 bn, social networking behemoth, Facebook, has gone ahead and acquired Indian politician and champion social networker, Rajeev Shukla, for a whopping $100 bn. The deal gives Facebook access to Rajeev Shukla’s Samsung Galaxy smartphone, with its collection of the private numbers of VVIPs from Bollywood to cricket to politics, and is expected to solidify Facebook’s presence in old world Indian networks that have not yet been penetrated by new age social networking. Facebook will also get access to the collection of photographs of Rajeev Shukla posing with celebrities during important occasions as part of the deal from which it plans to make the mother of all ‘lookback’ movies.
The markets have hailed the move with Facebook shares rising by five per cent as soon as the deal was announced. “Although the deal, at first blush, appears pricey, we think it has compelling strategic logic,” said a research analyst. “Thanks to acquiring Rajeev Shukla, Mark Zuckerberg can ping Sonia Gandhi on Gmail, DM Rahul Gandhi on the Twitter handle he uses to to troll AAP and BJP supporters, hangout with Dr Manmohan Singh on Google+, share screen-space with Bollywood A listers, and whisper sweet nothings into Nita Ambani’s ears in the dugouts. Rajeev Shukla is the key to cracking the Indian market and Facebook is now a step ahead of rivals like Google who were waiting to pounce on him.”
Zuckerberg said he’s excited to work with a champion networker like Shukla. “No matter how much Facebook or Whatsapp scale up, they will never match the power of Shukla sir’s social network in South Asia. Now I quickly look forward to integrating his contacts with the Facebook platform and personally benefiting from it by hanging out with Shahrukh Khan and getting a hug from Preity Zinta when I come to India during IPL,” said the founder of Facebook.
A blushing but modest Shukla said he’s “estunned to know that his network, built over years of patient sucking up and ego-massaging, is worth $100 bn and looks forward to doing business with eZuckerberg.”
(Originally published in www.theunrealtimes.com. “Unreal Mama” is the pen name of CS Krishna & Karthik Laxman, founding editors of the site which is India’s favourite satire, spoof, parody and humour portal. The above spoof is based on an idea by UnReal columnist, Ashwin S Kumar)