Home > Features > Humour >

After WhatsApp, Facebook acquires ace social networker Rajiv Shukla for $100bn

Mark Zuckerberg (left) said he’s excited to work with a champion networker like Rajeev Shukla © Getty Images
Mark Zuckerberg (left) said he’s excited to work with a champion networker like Rajeev Shukla © Getty Images

By UnReal Mama

Please note this is a humour article – work of pure fiction

Days after acquiring red hot mobile messaging service WhatsApp for $19 bn, social networking behemoth, Facebook, has gone ahead and acquired Indian politician and champion social networker, Rajeev Shukla, for a whopping $100 bn.  The deal gives Facebook access to Rajeev Shukla’s Samsung Galaxy smartphone, with its collection of the private numbers of VVIPs from Bollywood to cricket to politics, and is expected to solidify Facebook’s presence in old world Indian networks that have not yet been penetrated by new age social networking. Facebook will also get access to the collection of photographs of Rajeev Shukla posing with celebrities during important occasions as part of the deal from which it plans to make the mother of all ‘lookback’ movies.

The markets have hailed the move with Facebook shares rising by five per cent as soon as the deal was announced.  “Although the deal, at first blush, appears pricey, we think it has compelling strategic logic,” said a research analyst. “Thanks to acquiring Rajeev Shukla, Mark Zuckerberg can ping Sonia Gandhi on Gmail, DM Rahul Gandhi on the Twitter handle he uses to to troll AAP and BJP supporters, hangout with Dr Manmohan Singh on Google+, share screen-space with Bollywood A listers, and whisper sweet nothings into Nita Ambani’s ears in the dugouts. Rajeev Shukla is the key to cracking the Indian market and Facebook is now a step ahead of rivals like Google who were waiting to pounce on him.”

Zuckerberg said he’s excited to work with a champion networker like Shukla. “No matter how much Facebook or Whatsapp scale up, they will never match the power of Shukla sir’s social network in South Asia. Now I quickly look forward to integrating his contacts with the Facebook platform and personally benefiting from it by hanging out with Shahrukh Khan and getting a hug from Preity Zinta when I come to India during IPL,” said the founder of Facebook.

A blushing but modest Shukla said he’s “estunned to know that his network, built over years of patient sucking up and ego-massaging, is worth $100 bn and looks forward to doing business with eZuckerberg.”

(Originally published in www.theunrealtimes.comUnreal Mama” is the pen name of CS Krishna & Karthik Laxman, founding editors of the site which is India’s favourite satire, spoof, parody and humour portal. The above spoof is based on an idea by UnReal columnist, Ashwin S Kumar)

World T20 League 2014

Sep 22, 2014 (20:00 IST)   at Bengaluru

World T20 League 2014

Sep 23, 2014 (20:00 IST)   at Raipur

World T20 League 2014

Sep 24, 2014 (20:00 IST)   at Hyderabad

World T20 League 2014

Sep 25, 2014 (20:00 IST)   at Bengaluru

World T20 League 2014

Sep 26, 2014 (16:00 IST)   at Mohali

More

World T20 League 2014

Sep 21, 2014  at Hyderabad

Kolkata Knight Riders won by 4 wkts

World T20 League 2014

Sep 21, 2014  at Hyderabad

Hobart Hurricanes won by 6 wkts

World T20 League 2014

Sep 20, 2014  at Mohali

Kings XI Punjab won by 4 wkts

World T20 League 2014

Sep 20, 2014  at Mohali

Perth Scorchers won by 6 wkts

World T20 League 2014

Sep 19, 2014  at Raipur

NK won by 33 runs (D/L method)

Photos

KXIP vs Hobart Hurricanes, Match 2 CLT20 2014

Videos

Kane, Devcich praise each others knock

Live Cricket Score Kolkata Knight Riders (KKR) vs Lahore Lions CLT20 2014: KKR labour to 4 wicket win

CLT20 2014: Kolkata Knight Riders (KKR) vs Lahore Lions (LL), Match 7: 5 key battles

Before Mitchell Marsh, Surinder Amarnath had hit sixes off last two balls to win a match in England

Kings XI Punjab vs Barbados Tridents, Match 5, CLT20 2014: Highlights

CLT20 2014: Mitchell Marsh stakes his claim for a spot in Australia’s ICC World Cup 2015 squad with late blitz for Perth Scorchers against Dolphins

Asian Games Asian Games 2014 Cape Cobras Champions League T20 2014 CLT20 CLT20 2014 Dolphins Hobart Hurricanes Incheon Asian Games India at Asian Games 2014 Kings XI Punjab Lahore Lions

Bigg Boss 8: Ajit Chandila not to be a contestant of the show

CLT20 match between Kolkata Knight Riders (KKR) and Lahore Lions (LL) almost like India-Pakistan clash

CLT20 2014: Mohammed Hafeez blames fielders after losing

CLT20 2014: Gautam Gambhir backs fielders after victory against Pakistan side Lahore Lions

CLT20 2014: Shah Rukh Khan thrilled after Kolkata Knight Riders’s win against Pakistan side Lahore Lions

Chennai Super Kings (CSK) vs Dolphins, Match 8, CLT20 2014: Dolphins’ likely XI

Champions League T20 (CLT20) 2014: Kuldeep Yadav’s dramatic debut for Kolkata Knight Riders (KKR) shows he is one for the future

Cape Cobras v Hobart Hurricanes CLT20 2014 — Highlights

Kolkata Knight Riders (KKR) vs Lahore Lions highlights, CLT20 2014, Match 6

Steven Smith: I would love to bat at No 3 in ODI cricket

Fan of the Day

Cyrus Irani

Cyrus Irani

770 Posts | 24 Fans

Italy 0 Costa Rica 1 Full Match Highlights and Goals Video: FIFA World Cup 2014 Match 24

Bang Bang Dare: Hrithik Roshan challenges Priyanka Chopra to do handstand push-ups

Revealed: The real reason why Upen Patel agreed to do Bigg Boss 8

Kind people appear to be more attractive

Customized tablets make way to India for Rs 5,000 onwards

Round 2 in Android One war: New phones may hit market by December-end

Revealed: Puneet Issar, RJ Preetam, Deepshikha Nagpal are the members of Bigg Boss 8′s Secret Society!

Chennai Super Kings (CSK) vs Perth Scorchers (PRS) Preview: Group A Match 8 of Champions League T20 2014 (CLT20)

Asian Games 2014 Live Updates: Shooter Ayonika Paul qualifies for 10m Air Rifle Women’s finals

Also on cricketcountry.com

Play Fantasy Cricket & Win

Cash Daily! Click here