Arjen Robben © Getty Images
Arjen Robben © Getty Images


By Ashwin Kumar


Please note this is a humour article — work of pure fiction


Star Dutch midfielder Arjen Robben’s effortless and frequent dives on the football field may not have won him much praise, but have managed to impress India’s cricket board, the Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI), well enough. Robben has been appointed as the Indian cricket team’s fielding coach with immediate effect.


According to souces, Robben was approached and convinced by the world’s greatest networker, BCCI vice-president and former parliamentary affairs minister, Rajeev Shukla, to take up the assignment. Immediately after the world cup, Robben will be flying to England, where the Indian cricket team is currently warming up to take on the hosts.


“From the era of Robin [Singh], which resulted in fielders of the quality of Munaf Patel and Ashish Nehra, it’s time to move on to Robben, who, I am sure, will produce more Virat Kohlis and Suresh Rainas out of our fielders. Good fielding is not just about throwing yourself around everywhere, there is a time and place for every dive that has to be executed and no one knows it better than Robben, an expert mid-fielder himself,” said Sunil Gavaskar.


The Congress party, however, lashed out at the appointment, alleging that it reeks of RSS patronage and favoritism. “When we have world-class, secular fielding coaches like Jonty Rhodes and Herschelle Gibbs, was it really necessary to insist on someone named Arjen and that too, from a communal Orange country? Will Modi continue to bow down to the Sangh like this?” tweeted Congress General Secretary Digvijaya Singh, before being promptly retweeted by Sagarika Ghose.


Vigvijaya’s allegations were, however, rubbished by BJP leader Subramanian Swamy, who insisted that Robben was a true Virat Hindu, with Hindu ancestors, especially given that his name is just an anglicized version of “Aryan.”


Sources said that ICC chairman N Srinivasan, was mulling appointing Robben as the fielding coach of the Chennai Super Kings too.


(Ashwin Kumar is a humorist with where this article was originally published. The UnReal Times is India’s favourite satire, spoof, parody and humour portal)