Home > Features > Humour >

BCCI arranges for Team India to play a series against itself to regain confidence and form

BCCI arranges for Team India to play a series against itself to regain confidence and form

MS Dhoni is upbeat regarding the planned series © Getty Images

Please note: This is a humorous piece – pure fiction.

With key batsmen and bowlers of the national cricket team woefully out of form and nursing bruised egos in the wake of the first home defeat since 2004 and the first against England since 1984-85, the Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI) has arranged for a series between Team India and itself to help the players regain their mojo before the old enemy Pakistan arrives.
 
As per the new schedule, Team India batsmen led by Virender Sehwag will play two Tests, three One-Day Internationals (ODIs) and a T-20 against Team India bowlers, led by Ishant Sharma, in what promises to be a keen contest between two evenly-matched sides. The likes of Sehwag and Gautam Gambhir feel that a series against Indian bowlers from the national team will help them rediscover the joys of crease occupation and fluid stroke making without coming under too much pressure.

“I’m looking forward to helicoptering a few balls out of the ground and letting off some steam,” growled an equally bullish Mahendra Singh Dhoni.
 
On the other hand, the Indian bowlers are looking forward to running through the top order and improving their strike rates.

“I should bag a handful of wickets against this batting line-up, man. Never felt so kicked about a series as this one. Indian batsmen beware!” said a charged-up Ishant, who has promised to make the batsmen hop. All-rounders like Ravindra Jadeja and Ravichandran Ashwin will figure in both teams and enjoy the best of both worlds.  

“I promise fans that I’ll add to my heap of triple centuries and make up for my non-show with the bat in the fourth Test,” opined Jadeja.
 
BCCI President N Srinivasan has called it a win-win deal. “We desperately need Team India to get back to winning ways, paa. We could have quickly arranged a series with Sri Lanka or Bangladesh, but the boys said they don’t want to play a foreign team. In fact, many associate nations like Bermuda, Afghanistan, Ireland, Netherlands, even America, are keen to tour, but we have kept their requests on hold.”
 
“Then it struck me, why not let the boys play against themselves to help them rediscover their forms and confidence. And irrespective of the outcome, Indian fans can be assured of an Indian victory,” a beaming Srinivasan told The Unreal Times.
 
To paraphrase the legendary Ravi Shastri: “In the end, Indian cricket will be the winner.”

(“Unreal Mama” is the pen name under which CS Krishna and Karthik Laxman, the founding editors of The Unreal Times (www.theunrealtimes.com ), write fictional news reports, dressing room conversations and other such articles marrying humour with satire. The Unreal Times is India’s favourite satire, spoof, parody and humour portal and the article above is reproduced with permission)

South Africa tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Jul 24, 2014 (10:00 IST)   at Colombo

Afghanistan tour of Zimbabwe, 2014

Jul 24, 2014 (12:30 IST)   at Bulawayo

India tour of England 2014

Jul 27, 2014 (15:30 IST)   at Southampton

Pakistan tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Aug 6, 2014 (10:00 IST)   at Galle

India tour of England 2014

Aug 7, 2014 (15:30 IST)   at Manchester

More

Afghanistan tour of Zimbabwe, 2014

Jul 22, 2014  at Bulawayo

Afghanistan won by 2 wkts

Afghanistan tour of Zimbabwe, 2014

Jul 20, 2014  at Bulawayo

Zimbabwe won by 8 wkts

Afghanistan tour of Zimbabwe, 2014

Jul 18, 2014  at Bulawayo

Zimbabwe won by 6 wkts

India tour of England 2014

Jul 17, 2014  at London

India won by 95 runs

South Africa tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Jul 16, 2014  at Galle

South Africa won by 153 runs

Photos

Gallery: India vs England 2nd Test at Lord's

Videos

Alastair Cook jokes about his bowling

India’s wins in England — from 1971 to 2014

Ravindra Jadeja knighted by her majesty Queen Elizabeth II

India’s win over England in 2nd Test at Lord’s: Twitter reactions

Ishant Sharma pummels England into submission as India clinch Lord’s Test by 95 runs

Ishant Sharma registers name at Lord’s honours board, takes 6 wickets in 2nd Test against England

Bhuvneshwar Kumar England England vs India England vs India 2014 India India tour of England 2014 India vs England India vs England 2014 Ishant Sharma South Africa South Africa tour of Sri Lanka 2014 Sri Lanka Sri Lanka vs South Africa Sri Lanka vs South Africa 2014

Kane Williamson suspended from bowling by ICC

CPL 2014: Trinidad and Tobago to be integrated in Red Steel’s team name

Jos Buttler calls his Test call-up for England against India a “dream come true”

Pakistan court helps family of girl cricketer who committed suicide

Pakistan Cricket Board aims to introduce democratic process of governance

India tour of England 2014: Figures demonstrate why the Lord’s win is special

India’s overseas victories where pace bowlers dominated – Part 2 of 2

Ishant Sharma: The enigma who takes key wickets

Statistical highlights of India vs England 2014, 2nd Test at Lord’s

Ishant Sharma’s email inbox after the Lord’s Test match against England

Fan of the Day

Fan Cricket

Fan Cricket

11 Posts | 2 Fans

Brazil vs Netherlands, 3rd place Fifa World Cup 2014 match Video Highlights

What to expect from Priyanka Chopra’s Mary Kom trailer!

Commonwealth Games 2014: Google doodle for Glasgow Commonwealth Games omits interactive logo!

Crowdfunded Energi 2K Travel Charger has battery of uses

Congress to stage dharnas in Punjab today

India’s overseas victories where pace bowlers dominated – Part 2 of 2

India tour of England 2014: Figures demonstrate why the Lord’s win is special

Sensex up 133 points in early trade; Nifty regains 7,800-mark

Know Your Exercises – Double leg butt kick

Diet Tip #23 – Switch to rice bran oil for better health

Consumers ready to spend big on high-tech products: report

Also on cricketcountry.com

Play Fantasy Cricket & Win

Cash Daily! Click here