Home > Features > Humour >

BCCI offers Kevin Pietersen contract to play Ranji Trophy

Kevin Pietersen © Getty Images
Kevin Pietersen on course to play for India in ICC World Cup 2015  © Getty Images

Please note: This is a humorous piece – pure fiction.

In an unprecedented move Board of Control for Cricket in India has flexed its muscle to get Kevin Pietersen to play on at domestic level for India. Humjee Break-Sheikh tries to find out why.

It has been a significant day in the life of Kevin Pietersen. It has been only last week when Delhi Daredevils (DD) had bought him for a hefty price for this season’s Indian Premier League (IPL). His relation with the Indian cricket took a new step as the Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI) has offered him a contract today to play Ranji Trophy for Delhi.

Inside news reveals that the step will accelerate Pietersen’s eligibility to play for India in the ICC World Cup 2015 in Australia and New Zealand. The International Cricket Council (ICC) has agreed to BCCI’s proposal of bringing down the eligibility criterion of playing for a country to a staying period of one month.

Indian cricket fans remember Pietersen fondly for his maverick batsmanship and the tremendous heart he had shown while coming back with his side to play the Tests after the 26/11 tragedy in Mumbai. With his outrageous bravado and wide range of stroke-play Pietersen has been an asset for England in the past.

Now that he is out of contention for a place in the England side for good, is the gesture of BCCI a wise one? Isn’t Pietersen almost past his prime? In an interview to CricketCountry Pietersen finally came out with the real reason: “When BCCI approached me with the proposal I was told specifically that I had been appointed for a reason. Given the recent success of Mitch [Mitchell Johnson] in Australia and Baz [Brendon McCullum] in New Zealand they had wanted to select me for the upcoming World Cup.”

Why? What was it about these two men that had made BCCI go KP-hunting?

Pietersen seemed rather bored when the nation wanted an answer: “I thought that was obvious. These two are the most intricately tattooed men in the current world of cricket. Isn’t it obvious that tattoos hold the key to success in Australia and New Zealand?”

“You see, the immense raw power and impeccable control Mitch’s left arm generates has a lot to do with the tattoos on the right one. You think the success lies with the powerful left arm, but it is the tattooed right-hand that does the trick,” Pietersen added. “Mitch’s tattoo is basically a Japanese koi, a cat, and some cherry blossoms, which is completely voodoo stuff.”

“It’s the same for Baz: he had also got his right hand tattooed, and the tattoo, as evident, says CXXVI XLII CCXXIV.” When the curious correspondent asked what it meant, he said that the general misconception is that the numbers represent 126, 42, and 224 in English, but the meaning goes really deeper. “It’s some occult thing you will not get.”

“Look at the other tattoo stars, folks. Michael Clarke (a lot of tattoos in multiple languages), Lasith Malinga (his wife’s name and a couple of dates), or Dale Steyn (three South Africans) could well have been the recruitments! For that matter, even you guys have your own Virat Kohli (a samurai warrior and a scorpion)! And just look how well all these men have performed over the past few years!”

Pietersen has a point, as does BCCI. They have got something right, finally.

(Humjee Break-Sheikh eats, drinks, breathes and lives cricket. Unfortunately, he does not believe in social media)

World T20 League 2014

Sep 18, 2014 (20:00 IST)   at Mohali

World T20 League 2014

Sep 19, 2014 (20:00 IST)   at Raipur

World T20 League 2014

Sep 20, 2014 (16:00 IST)   at Mohali

World T20 League 2014

Sep 20, 2014 (20:00 IST)   at Mohali

World T20 League 2014

Sep 21, 2014 (16:00 IST)   at Hyderabad

More

World T20 League 2014

Sep 17, 2014  at Hyderabad

Kolkata Knight Riders won by 3 wkts

World T20 League 2014

Sep 16, 2014  at Raipur

Northern Knights won by 6 wkts

World T20 League 2014

Sep 16, 2014  at Raipur

Lahore Lions won by 55 runs

World T20 League 2014

Sep 14, 2014  at Raipur

Mumbai Indians won by 9 wkts

World T20 League 2014

Sep 14, 2014  at Raipur

Northern Knights won by 72 runs

Photos

West Indies vs Bangladesh, 2nd Test at Gros Islet

Videos

Anderson plays golf with Jaguar competition winners

Kevin O’Brien: Ireland will look to adjust to conditions in Australia-New Zealand ahead of ICC World Cup 2015

Kolkata Knight Riders (KKR) vs Chennai Super Kings (CSK) CLT20 2014 Match 1 — Key battles

Kolkata Knight Riders (KKR) vs Chennai Super Kings (CSK) CLT20 2014 Match 1: Kolkata Knight Riders’ likely XI

Kolkata Knight Riders (KKR) vs Chennai Super Kings (CSK) CLT20 2014 Match 1: Chennai Super Kings’ likely XI

CLT20 2014: Why Mumbai Indians failed to recreate the magic

Bangladesh Bangladesh vs West Indies Bangladesh vs West Indies 2014 Champions League T20 Champions League T20 2014 Chennai Super Kings CLT20 CLT20 2014 Kolkata Knight Riders Mumbai Indians Northern Knights Southern Express West Indies West Indies vs Bangladesh West Indies vs Bangladesh 2014

HPCA accuses Himachal minister for having double standards

Darren Bravo fined for breaching ICC Code of Conduct

Shahid Afridi lauds PCB decision to appoint him long term Twenty20 skipper

Misbah-ul-Haq hope to seek help from Imran Khan for ICC World Cup 2015

Andre Russell, Ryan ten Doeschate help KKR pull off heist against CSK in CLT20 2014

Kolkata Knight Riders (KKR) vs Chennai Super Kings (CSK) CLT20 2014 Match 1: Highlights

Champions League T20 (CLT20) 2014: Key highlights, lessons from qualifiers

Four interesting statistics about Ravichandran Ashwin

West Indies raise hopes ahead of India tour with dominant show against Bangladesh

Leave it to Smiths — an all-Smith XI

Fan of the Day

Suraj Gowda

Suraj Gowda

635 Posts | 7 Fans

Yuvraj Singh in Anupam Kher show

iOS 8 requires over 5GB of free space to install, here’s what iPhone 5C 8GB users should do

Tamanchey song In Da Club: Ikka Singh revamps his old Punjabi track for the Nikhil Dwivedi-Richa Chadda starrer!

Next-generation Apple iPads and OS X Yosemite to launch on October 21: Report

Indian Doctor Faces Six Years in Jail for Medical Fraud

Why some people are naturally inclined to music

Champions League T20 (CLT20) 2014: Kolkata Knight Riders (KKR) pull of 3-wicket win over Chennai Super Kings (CSK)

Consuming high-fat dairy products reduces diabetes risk

Gautam Rode bids the cast and crew of Saraswatichandra goodbye – View pics!

Also on cricketcountry.com

Play Fantasy Cricket & Win

Cash Daily! Click here