Home > Features > Humour >

BCCI offers Kevin Pietersen contract to play Ranji Trophy

Kevin Pietersen © Getty Images
Kevin Pietersen on course to play for India in ICC World Cup 2015  © Getty Images

Please note: This is a humorous piece – pure fiction.

In an unprecedented move Board of Control for Cricket in India has flexed its muscle to get Kevin Pietersen to play on at domestic level for India. Humjee Break-Sheikh tries to find out why.

It has been a significant day in the life of Kevin Pietersen. It has been only last week when Delhi Daredevils (DD) had bought him for a hefty price for this season’s Indian Premier League (IPL). His relation with the Indian cricket took a new step as the Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI) has offered him a contract today to play Ranji Trophy for Delhi.

Inside news reveals that the step will accelerate Pietersen’s eligibility to play for India in the ICC World Cup 2015 in Australia and New Zealand. The International Cricket Council (ICC) has agreed to BCCI’s proposal of bringing down the eligibility criterion of playing for a country to a staying period of one month.

Indian cricket fans remember Pietersen fondly for his maverick batsmanship and the tremendous heart he had shown while coming back with his side to play the Tests after the 26/11 tragedy in Mumbai. With his outrageous bravado and wide range of stroke-play Pietersen has been an asset for England in the past.

Now that he is out of contention for a place in the England side for good, is the gesture of BCCI a wise one? Isn’t Pietersen almost past his prime? In an interview to CricketCountry Pietersen finally came out with the real reason: “When BCCI approached me with the proposal I was told specifically that I had been appointed for a reason. Given the recent success of Mitch [Mitchell Johnson] in Australia and Baz [Brendon McCullum] in New Zealand they had wanted to select me for the upcoming World Cup.”

Why? What was it about these two men that had made BCCI go KP-hunting?

Pietersen seemed rather bored when the nation wanted an answer: “I thought that was obvious. These two are the most intricately tattooed men in the current world of cricket. Isn’t it obvious that tattoos hold the key to success in Australia and New Zealand?”

“You see, the immense raw power and impeccable control Mitch’s left arm generates has a lot to do with the tattoos on the right one. You think the success lies with the powerful left arm, but it is the tattooed right-hand that does the trick,” Pietersen added. “Mitch’s tattoo is basically a Japanese koi, a cat, and some cherry blossoms, which is completely voodoo stuff.”

“It’s the same for Baz: he had also got his right hand tattooed, and the tattoo, as evident, says CXXVI XLII CCXXIV.” When the curious correspondent asked what it meant, he said that the general misconception is that the numbers represent 126, 42, and 224 in English, but the meaning goes really deeper. “It’s some occult thing you will not get.”

“Look at the other tattoo stars, folks. Michael Clarke (a lot of tattoos in multiple languages), Lasith Malinga (his wife’s name and a couple of dates), or Dale Steyn (three South Africans) could well have been the recruitments! For that matter, even you guys have your own Virat Kohli (a samurai warrior and a scorpion)! And just look how well all these men have performed over the past few years!”

Pietersen has a point, as does BCCI. They have got something right, finally.

(Humjee Break-Sheikh eats, drinks, breathes and lives cricket. Unfortunately, he does not believe in social media)

Pakistan vs Australia in UAE, 2014

Oct 30, 2014 (11:30 IST)   at Abu Dhabi

Sri Lanka tour of India, 2014

Nov 2, 2014 (14:30 IST)   at Cuttack

Zimbabwe tour of Bangladesh, 2014

Nov 3, 2014 (09:00 IST)   at Khulna

South Africa tour of Australia, 2014

Nov 5, 2014 (14:05 IST)   at Adelaide

Sri Lanka tour of India, 2014

Nov 6, 2014 (14:30 IST)   at Ahmedabad

More

West Indies tour of India, 2014

Nov 15, 2014  at Ahmedabad

Match cancelled

West Indies tour of India, 2014

Nov 7, 2014  at Bengaluru

Match cancelled

West Indies tour of India, 2014

Oct 30, 2014  at Hyderabad

Match cancelled

South Africa tour of New Zealand, 2014

Oct 27, 2014  at Hamilton

No result

Zimbabwe tour of Bangladesh, 2014

Oct 25, 2014  at Dhaka

Bangladesh won by 3 wkts

Photos

Pakistan vs Australia, 2nd Test

Videos

Tendulkar provides teaser on upcoming book

Live Cricket Score Duleep Trophy Central Zone vs South Zone, final at Delhi Day 3: Jalaj Saxena dismissed on 71 by Pragyan Ojha

Live Cricket Score Pakistan vs Australia, 2nd Test at Abu Dhabi Day 2

Yuvraj Singh — have we seen the last of the man who won India three World Cups?

Younis Khan continues piling up records for Pakistan

Younis Khan’s ban: why the ICC is justified

Australia Australia tour of UAE 2014 Australia vs Pakistan Australia vs Pakistan 2014 Central Zone Duleep Trophy Duleep Trophy 2014-15 India Pakistan Pakistan vs Australia Pakistan vs Australia 2014 South Zone South Zone vs Central Zone Sri Lanka Sri Lanka tour of India 2014

Pakistan 405/3 at lunch on Day 2 of 2nd Test

Duleep Trophy 2014-15 final: Faiz Fazal brings up fifty; Central Zone 128/0 after 37 overs

Pakistan vs Australia 2014: Michael Clarke unhappy over Steve Smith’s friendly chat with Azhar Ali

Australia vs South Africa 2014: South Africa move in with hope of victory against Australia in T20I

Jesse Ryder claims he still has the passion to represent New Zealand in the ICC World Cup 2015

India vs Sri Lanka 2014: Manish Pandey showing signs of fulfilling potential

Yuvraj Singh — have we seen the last of the man who won India three World Cups?

Younis Khan continues piling up records for Pakistan

Mythbusting — the claim that playing for a weaker batting side handicaps a batsman has no basis

Younis Khan’s ban: why the ICC is justified

Fan of the Day

Niharika Shah

Niharika Shah

678 Posts | 6 Fans

Video Highlights: Younis Khan century during Pakistan vs Australia 1st Test at Dubai

बिहार के औरंगाबाद जिले में जहरीला शराब पीने से 3 लोगों की मौत

International programme in Animal Husbandry

Duleep Trophy 2014-15 final: Faiz Fazal brings up fifty; Central Zone 128/0 after 37 overs

Google Glass gets banned by MPAA and National Association of Theatre owners

Is Ronit Roy going the Ram Kapoor way?

Samsung Galaxy A5 vs Moto G (2014): Specifications compared

Indira Gandhi’s 29th Death Anniversary: Remembering top 5 quotes of the first female Prime Minister of India

AAP demands SIT to probe 1984 anti-Sikh riot cases

दिल्ली पुरुष अधिकार संगठन : वैश्विक लैंगिक अंतर रिपोर्ट पर नाराजगी जताया

Pakistan vs Australia 2014: Pakistan 405 for three at Lunch, Day 2 of 2nd Test at Abu Dhabi

Also on cricketcountry.com

Play Fantasy Cricket & Win

Cash Daily! Click here