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BCCI offers Kevin Pietersen contract to play Ranji Trophy

Kevin Pietersen © Getty Images
Kevin Pietersen on course to play for India in ICC World Cup 2015  © Getty Images

Please note: This is a humorous piece – pure fiction.

In an unprecedented move Board of Control for Cricket in India has flexed its muscle to get Kevin Pietersen to play on at domestic level for India. Humjee Break-Sheikh tries to find out why.

It has been a significant day in the life of Kevin Pietersen. It has been only last week when Delhi Daredevils (DD) had bought him for a hefty price for this season’s Indian Premier League (IPL). His relation with the Indian cricket took a new step as the Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI) has offered him a contract today to play Ranji Trophy for Delhi.

Inside news reveals that the step will accelerate Pietersen’s eligibility to play for India in the ICC World Cup 2015 in Australia and New Zealand. The International Cricket Council (ICC) has agreed to BCCI’s proposal of bringing down the eligibility criterion of playing for a country to a staying period of one month.

Indian cricket fans remember Pietersen fondly for his maverick batsmanship and the tremendous heart he had shown while coming back with his side to play the Tests after the 26/11 tragedy in Mumbai. With his outrageous bravado and wide range of stroke-play Pietersen has been an asset for England in the past.

Now that he is out of contention for a place in the England side for good, is the gesture of BCCI a wise one? Isn’t Pietersen almost past his prime? In an interview to CricketCountry Pietersen finally came out with the real reason: “When BCCI approached me with the proposal I was told specifically that I had been appointed for a reason. Given the recent success of Mitch [Mitchell Johnson] in Australia and Baz [Brendon McCullum] in New Zealand they had wanted to select me for the upcoming World Cup.”

Why? What was it about these two men that had made BCCI go KP-hunting?

Pietersen seemed rather bored when the nation wanted an answer: “I thought that was obvious. These two are the most intricately tattooed men in the current world of cricket. Isn’t it obvious that tattoos hold the key to success in Australia and New Zealand?”

“You see, the immense raw power and impeccable control Mitch’s left arm generates has a lot to do with the tattoos on the right one. You think the success lies with the powerful left arm, but it is the tattooed right-hand that does the trick,” Pietersen added. “Mitch’s tattoo is basically a Japanese koi, a cat, and some cherry blossoms, which is completely voodoo stuff.”

“It’s the same for Baz: he had also got his right hand tattooed, and the tattoo, as evident, says CXXVI XLII CCXXIV.” When the curious correspondent asked what it meant, he said that the general misconception is that the numbers represent 126, 42, and 224 in English, but the meaning goes really deeper. “It’s some occult thing you will not get.”

“Look at the other tattoo stars, folks. Michael Clarke (a lot of tattoos in multiple languages), Lasith Malinga (his wife’s name and a couple of dates), or Dale Steyn (three South Africans) could well have been the recruitments! For that matter, even you guys have your own Virat Kohli (a samurai warrior and a scorpion)! And just look how well all these men have performed over the past few years!”

Pietersen has a point, as does BCCI. They have got something right, finally.

(Humjee Break-Sheikh eats, drinks, breathes and lives cricket. Unfortunately, he does not believe in social media)

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