Home > Features > Humour >

BCCI President denies Indian team was behind times

UDRS: Umpires Don’t Review Sachin © Getty Images
UDRS: Umpires Don’t Review Sachin © Getty Images

By James Marsh

The row over technology in cricket rumbled on as the BCCI demanded both teams for India’s forthcoming tour of England stay in hotels fitted only with VHS players. In a strongly-worded telegram, BCCI President Shashank Manohar denied the Indian team was a bit behind the times but said the squad did have concerns as some older players found DVDs “a bit fiddly”. He added that VVS Laxman, in particular, had complained that he doesn’t really understand the whole “x2″ “x4″ thing on the fast forward.

The decision is believed to have been prompted by similar concerns from all senior players, many of whom are absent from the present tour of the West Indies as their liner bound for Southampton had already set sail. Speaking on deck as he puffed a woodbine, captain MS Dhoni reacted angrily to any suggestion his team were old fuddy duddies: “Well, of course, we’re not! The adulteration of technology with human thinking has never achieved anything bar keeping Ian Bell at the wicket,” he said whilst listening to Bananarama on his Walkman. “Plus, a lot of these VHS players now have timers, you know, so we’re not complete Luddites.”

The ECB reacted with scorn to the decision and denied England only wanted DVD players because Graeme Swann had been successful 29.71% of times he’d tried to watch the director’s commentary of The Expendables. A spokesman also offered three separate step-by-step guides to using a DVD to the Indian side, finally settling on: “It’s very simple. You balance the Digital Video Disc, or ‘DVD’, on a chair above the tray. You then line up three cricket bats next to the chair and, with no malice or intent whatsoever, throw two gloves at random up in the air. One glove will hit the bats which will hit the chair and thus knock the disc into the tray. The other will hit the Play button and there you go!”

Manohar welcomed the gesture but said the BCCI remained unmoved, despite admitting there was some truth in the rumour Rahul Dravid had “taped over the snooker” the other day. 

(James Marsh is a TEFL teacher based in the Czech Republic, although his real occupation is alienating those close to him by wallowing on statsguru. He blogs on cricket at Pavilion Opinions and can be found on Twitter at @PavilionOpinion)

West Indies in South Africa, 2014-15

Dec 26, 2014 (14:00 IST)   at Port Elizabeth

Sri Lanka tour of New Zealand, 2014-15

Dec 26, 2014 (03:30 IST)   at Christchurch

India tour of Australia, 2014-15

Dec 26, 2014 (05:00 IST)   at Melbourne

West Indies in South Africa, 2014-15

Jan 2, 2015 (14:00 IST)   at Cape Town

Sri Lanka tour of New Zealand, 2014-15

Jan 3, 2015 (03:30 IST)   at Wellington

More

Pakistan vs New Zealand in UAE, 2014

Dec 19, 2014  at Abu Dhabi

New Zealand won by 68 runs

India tour of Australia, 2014-15

Dec 17, 2014  at Woolloongabba, Brisbane

Australia won by 4 wkts

Pakistan vs New Zealand in UAE, 2014

Dec 17, 2014  at Abu Dhabi

New Zealand won by 7 runs

West Indies in South Africa, 2014-15

Dec 17, 2014  at Centurion

South Africa won by an innings and 220 runs

England tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Dec 16, 2014  at Colombo

Sri Lanka won by 87 runs

Photos

India vs Australia, 2nd Test at Brisbane

Videos

Ind vs Aus: Dhoni analyses the 4-wicket loss at Brisbane

Akshar Patel picked far too early for Test cricket

Live Cricket Score Ranji Trophy 2014-15, Round 3, Day 2 — All matches: Yuvraj Singh scores 2nd century in his 2nd Ranji game this season

Shahid Afridi, please do not take the innocence away from cricket

South Africa vs West Indies 2014-15: Is Jason Holder a captain or a stooge?

Can Eoin Morgan change England’s limited-overs fortunes?

Australia India Interviews Moments in history Ricky Ponting

Ranji Trophy 2014-15 Round 3, Railways vs Karnataka: Abhishek Kaushik fifty guides Railways to 105/4 on Day 2

Ranji Trophy 2014-15, Round 3, Maharashtra vs Punjab: Yuvraj Singh scores 136 as Punjab end day with big lead

Ranji Trophy 2014-15 Round 3, Baroda vs Jammu and Kashmir: Parvez Rasool ton guides to J&K to 497

Ranji Trophy 2014-15, Round 3, Uttar Pradesh vs Mumbai: Mumbai trail Uttar Pradesh by 164 runs on day 2

Ranji Trophy 2014-15 Round 3, Haryana vs Vidarbha: Vidarbha dismissed for 154 as Haryana reach 60/2 on Day 2

Akshar Patel picked far too early for Test cricket

ICC World Cup 2015: Will India’s trend of performing against expectations continue?

Moin Khan: Pakistan must carry momentum in ICC World Cup 2015

West Indies tour of South Africa 2014-15: One-sided encounters may suck interest out of series

India tour of Australia 2014-15: Can Australia make it 12 wins in a row at home?

Fan of the Day

Niharika Shah

Niharika Shah

683 Posts | 6 Fans

Mitchell Johnson's 37 wickets against England in Ashes 2013-14

प्रसिद्ध कथक नृत्यांगना सितारा देवी नहीं रही

More broadband connections to boost GDP growth in Asia Pacific: GSMA

India is becoming our largest overseas market, Xiaomi CEO Lei Jun says

Bigg Boss 8: Ali Quli Mirza, Renee Dhyani, Upen Patel, Praneet Bhatt, Sonali Raut – who should be evicted this week?

Revealed: The reason why Kishore Kumar’s biopic starring Ranbir Kapoor won’t feature Katrina Kaif!

अभिनेत्री प्रियंका चोपड़ा ने स्वच्छ भारत अभियान में हिस्सा लिया

Also on cricketcountry.com

Play Fantasy Cricket & Win

Cash Daily! Click here