Home > Features > Humour >

BCCI President denies Indian team was behind times

UDRS: Umpires Don’t Review Sachin © Getty Images
UDRS: Umpires Don’t Review Sachin © Getty Images

By James Marsh

The row over technology in cricket rumbled on as the BCCI demanded both teams for India’s forthcoming tour of England stay in hotels fitted only with VHS players. In a strongly-worded telegram, BCCI President Shashank Manohar denied the Indian team was a bit behind the times but said the squad did have concerns as some older players found DVDs “a bit fiddly”. He added that VVS Laxman, in particular, had complained that he doesn’t really understand the whole “x2″ “x4″ thing on the fast forward.

The decision is believed to have been prompted by similar concerns from all senior players, many of whom are absent from the present tour of the West Indies as their liner bound for Southampton had already set sail. Speaking on deck as he puffed a woodbine, captain MS Dhoni reacted angrily to any suggestion his team were old fuddy duddies: “Well, of course, we’re not! The adulteration of technology with human thinking has never achieved anything bar keeping Ian Bell at the wicket,” he said whilst listening to Bananarama on his Walkman. “Plus, a lot of these VHS players now have timers, you know, so we’re not complete Luddites.”

The ECB reacted with scorn to the decision and denied England only wanted DVD players because Graeme Swann had been successful 29.71% of times he’d tried to watch the director’s commentary of The Expendables. A spokesman also offered three separate step-by-step guides to using a DVD to the Indian side, finally settling on: “It’s very simple. You balance the Digital Video Disc, or ‘DVD’, on a chair above the tray. You then line up three cricket bats next to the chair and, with no malice or intent whatsoever, throw two gloves at random up in the air. One glove will hit the bats which will hit the chair and thus knock the disc into the tray. The other will hit the Play button and there you go!”

Manohar welcomed the gesture but said the BCCI remained unmoved, despite admitting there was some truth in the rumour Rahul Dravid had “taped over the snooker” the other day. 

(James Marsh is a TEFL teacher based in the Czech Republic, although his real occupation is alienating those close to him by wallowing on statsguru. He blogs on cricket at Pavilion Opinions and can be found on Twitter at @PavilionOpinion)

South Africa tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Jul 24, 2014 (10:00 IST)   at Colombo

India tour of England 2014

Jul 27, 2014 (15:30 IST)   at Southampton

Pakistan tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Aug 6, 2014 (10:00 IST)   at Galle

India tour of England 2014

Aug 7, 2014 (15:30 IST)   at Manchester

South Africa in Zimbabwe, 2014

Aug 9, 2014 (13:30 IST)   at Harare

More

Afghanistan tour of Zimbabwe, 2014

Jul 24, 2014  at Bulawayo

Afghanistan won by 100 runs

Afghanistan tour of Zimbabwe, 2014

Jul 22, 2014  at Bulawayo

Afghanistan won by 2 wkts

Afghanistan tour of Zimbabwe, 2014

Jul 20, 2014  at Bulawayo

Zimbabwe won by 8 wkts

Afghanistan tour of Zimbabwe, 2014

Jul 18, 2014  at Bulawayo

Zimbabwe won by 6 wkts

India tour of England 2014

Jul 17, 2014  at London

India won by 95 runs

Photos

Heroes of India's Test wins in England

Videos

Rahul Dravid reflects on India's historic win at Lord's

Sri Lanka vs South Africa 2nd Test Day 2 Live Cricket Score: Amla walks to middle after Elgar’s dismissal

10 things you need to know about Zaheer Abbas

Sri Lanka vs South Africa 2nd Test at Colombo: Pride at stake for high-flying hosts

Mahela Jayawardene at SSC: A tale of 11 tons

Please help Graeme Pollock, cricket boards and franchises of the world

England England vs India England vs India 2014 India India tour of England 2014 India vs England India vs England 2014 Ishant Sharma South Africa South Africa tour of Sri Lanka 2014 South Africa vs Sri Lanka South Africa vs Sri Lanka 2014 Sri Lanka Sri Lanka vs South Africa Sri Lanka vs South Africa 2014

Alstair Cook should speak to Graham Gooch about batting, feels Bob Willis

Sri Lanka vs South Africa 2014, 2nd Test at SSC: Hosts dismissed at 421

Sri Lanka dominate the first session of Day 2 against South Africa; post 395/6 at Lunch

Darren Bravo takes Trinidad and Tobago Red Stell to victory with last-ball six against Guyana Amazon Warriors

Mahela Jayawardene completes 7,000 Test runs on Sri Lankan soil; gets to 150 against South Africa

Afghanistan’s recent victories over Zimbabwe are encouraging for their build-up to ICC World Cup 2015

India vs England 2014, 3rd Test at Southampton: Should Ravichandran Ashwin get a look-in?

Physically challenged cricketers aim to bring glory to India

India tour of England 2014: Mohammed Shami has impressed in patches but wickets elude him

India tour of England 2014: Fake Facebook wall of England cricket team after the defeat at Lords

Fan of the Day

Fan Cricket

Fan Cricket

11 Posts | 2 Fans

Brazil vs Netherlands, 3rd place Fifa World Cup 2014 match Video Highlights

Tamil Nadu Chief Minister Jayalalithaa announces Rs.2,325 crore road projects

Filmmakers react on Saif Ali Khan’s statement about Humshakals being a mistake!

Sri Lanka vs South Africa 2014, 2nd Test at SSC: Hosts dismissed at 421

Samsung Galaxy Note 4 to reportedly launch in the first week of September

Hrithik Roshan beats Hollywood heroes in Bang Bang!

Afghanistan’s recent victories over Zimbabwe are encouraging for their build-up to ICC World Cup 2015

Lakme Fashion Week: Kareena Kapoor to be showstopper for Manish Malhotra

Consumers choosing phablets over tablets

Also on cricketcountry.com

Play Fantasy Cricket & Win

Cash Daily! Click here