Home > Features > Humour >

BCCI to be renamed Board of Clean Chits in India after acquisition by CBI!

N Srinivasan

N Srinivasan stepped aside as the BCCI chief on June 2, 2013 © PTI

By Ashwin Kumar
 
Please note this is a humour article – work of pure fiction

In what can be viewed as a pro-active strategic move to augment its capacity in the clean chits issuing business, the Central Board of Investigation (CBI) has decided to acquire the Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI) for an undisclosed, yet substantial, amount. The move came after the BCCI appointed two-member panel to probe CSK enthusiast Gurunath Meiyappan and Rajasthan Royals owner Raj Kundra gave them the mother of all clean chits: let alone spot-fixing, the committee gave Gurunath Meiyappan and Raj Kundra the benefit of the doubt even regarding allegations of betting.

Post acquisition, BCCI could be renamed as the Board for Clean Chits in India. Given the structural similarities between the two bodies — both operate in an opaque manner, exempt as they are from the RTI, and both are only accountable to their masters and not the public — the acquisition ought to be smooth, feel business pundits.

The BCCI’s methods have greatly impressed CBI chief Ranjit Sinha who feels his agency has much to learn from the cricket body. “Wow, yaar! I don’t think we ourselves have done anything like this — appointing some people of our own to probe some allegations against our people and then giving a clean chit,” raved the CBI Director. “Also, tactfully not having accepted the resignations of those who had tendered them is another masterstroke! Clearly, these guys have outclassed us in the art. We would benefit greatly by their innovative methods and I’m sure they too would flourish under the tutelage of some of our seasoned officers,” he added.

N Srinivasan has promised to lend BCCI resources to the government in many ongoing probes: the railway board scam, 2G scam, coal block scam to mention a few. “There is an art to issuing clean chits that cannot be easily replicated across organizations. Considering BCCI deals with issues at the intersection of politics, entertainment, business and..ummm…. oh yeah, cricket, we have cutting edge expertise in this regard,” said the soon to be reinstated BCCI President. 

“Anyway, I don’t have the luxury of having a dummy figure such as MMS [Manmohan Singh] to proxy for me so I have to watch my back all the time,” he trailed off.”

(Ashwin Kumar is a humorist with www.theunrealtimes.com where this article was originally published. The UnReal Times is India’s favourite satire, spoof, parody and humour portal)

West Indies tour of India, 2014

Oct 20, 2014 (14:30 IST)   at Kolkata

Pakistan vs Australia in UAE, 2014

Oct 22, 2014 (11:30 IST)   at Dubai

West Indies tour of India, 2014

Oct 22, 2014 (19:00 IST)   at Cuttack

South Africa tour of New Zealand, 2014

Oct 24, 2014 (03:00 IST)   at Mount Maunganui

Zimbabwe tour of Bangladesh, 2014

Oct 25, 2014 (09:30 IST)   at Dhaka

More

South Africa tour of New Zealand, 2014

Oct 21, 2014  at Mount Maunganui

South Africa won by 6 wkts

West Indies tour of India, 2014

Oct 17, 2014  at Dharamsala

India won by 59 runs

West Indies tour of India, 2014

Oct 14, 2014  at Visakhapatnam

Match cancelled

Pakistan vs Australia in UAE, 2014

Oct 12, 2014  at Abu Dhabi

Australia won by 1 run

West Indies tour of India, 2014

Oct 11, 2014  at Delhi

India won by 48 runs

Photos

Pakistan vs Australia, 1st Test at Dubai

Videos

AB de Villiers praises team after win in 1st ODI

Viv Richards’ 6/41 bowls West Indies to a thrilling victory over India

Asad Shafiq emerges as dependable No 6 for Pakistan

Pakistan vs Australia 2014: Mitchell Johnson shows signs of effectiveness on unhelpful surfaces

South Africa vs New Zealand 2014: Vital for Brendon McCullum to find form quickly

Australia Australia tour of UAE 2014 Australia vs Pakistan Australia vs Pakistan 2014 India New Zealand New Zealand vs South Africa New Zealand vs South Africa 2014 Pakistan Pakistan vs Australia Pakistan vs Australia 2014 South Africa South Africa tour of New Zealand 2014 South Africa vs New Zealand South Africa vs New Zealand 2014

Virat Kohli spot-kicks raise money for charity in Indian Super League

Duleep Trophy 2014-15: Naman Ojha smashes double ton as Central Zone pile huge score against North Zone

David Warner half-century guides Australia to 113/0 against Pakistan on Day 2 of 1st Test

Sachin Tendulkar wishes fans on Diwali

New Zealand vs South Africa, 2nd ODI at Mt Maunganui Preview: Hosts look to draw level to stay alive

Viv Richards’ 6/41 bowls West Indies to a thrilling victory over India

Asad Shafiq emerges as dependable No 6 for Pakistan

Pakistan vs Australia 2014: Mitchell Johnson shows signs of effectiveness on unhelpful surfaces

Joginder Sharma: When an over eclipses a career

South Africa vs New Zealand 2014: Vital for Brendon McCullum to find form quickly

Fan of the Day

Suraj Gowda

Suraj Gowda

642 Posts | 9 Fans

Virat Kohli's Family Meets Anushka Sharma

अभिनेत्री हुमा कुरैशी ओरिफ्लेम की ब्रांड एंबेसडर

Has Bigg Boss 8 made Karishma Tanna the most hated person?

Pranab Mukherjee returns home after visit to Norway, Finland

Revealed: First look of Amitabh Bachchan-Farhan Akhtar’s Do!

7 reasons why having sex during pregnancy is great for your health

Videocon Infinium Graphite with gesture control feature launched, priced at Rs 10,499

Rupee up 19 paise against dollar in early trade

Twitter introduces Audio Cards to listen to music directly from your timeline

Also on cricketcountry.com

Play Fantasy Cricket & Win

Cash Daily! Click here