Home > Features > Humour >

BCCI to be renamed Board of Clean Chits in India after acquisition by CBI!

N Srinivasan

N Srinivasan stepped aside as the BCCI chief on June 2, 2013 © PTI

By Ashwin Kumar
 
Please note this is a humour article – work of pure fiction

In what can be viewed as a pro-active strategic move to augment its capacity in the clean chits issuing business, the Central Board of Investigation (CBI) has decided to acquire the Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI) for an undisclosed, yet substantial, amount. The move came after the BCCI appointed two-member panel to probe CSK enthusiast Gurunath Meiyappan and Rajasthan Royals owner Raj Kundra gave them the mother of all clean chits: let alone spot-fixing, the committee gave Gurunath Meiyappan and Raj Kundra the benefit of the doubt even regarding allegations of betting.

Post acquisition, BCCI could be renamed as the Board for Clean Chits in India. Given the structural similarities between the two bodies — both operate in an opaque manner, exempt as they are from the RTI, and both are only accountable to their masters and not the public — the acquisition ought to be smooth, feel business pundits.

The BCCI’s methods have greatly impressed CBI chief Ranjit Sinha who feels his agency has much to learn from the cricket body. “Wow, yaar! I don’t think we ourselves have done anything like this — appointing some people of our own to probe some allegations against our people and then giving a clean chit,” raved the CBI Director. “Also, tactfully not having accepted the resignations of those who had tendered them is another masterstroke! Clearly, these guys have outclassed us in the art. We would benefit greatly by their innovative methods and I’m sure they too would flourish under the tutelage of some of our seasoned officers,” he added.

N Srinivasan has promised to lend BCCI resources to the government in many ongoing probes: the railway board scam, 2G scam, coal block scam to mention a few. “There is an art to issuing clean chits that cannot be easily replicated across organizations. Considering BCCI deals with issues at the intersection of politics, entertainment, business and..ummm…. oh yeah, cricket, we have cutting edge expertise in this regard,” said the soon to be reinstated BCCI President. 

“Anyway, I don’t have the luxury of having a dummy figure such as MMS [Manmohan Singh] to proxy for me so I have to watch my back all the time,” he trailed off.”

(Ashwin Kumar is a humorist with www.theunrealtimes.com where this article was originally published. The UnReal Times is India’s favourite satire, spoof, parody and humour portal)

South Africa tour of Australia, 2014

Nov 23, 2014 (08:50 IST)   at Sydney

Zimbabwe tour of Bangladesh, 2014

Nov 23, 2014 (12:00 IST)   at Chittagong

India tour of Australia 2014, Practice matches

Nov 24, 2014 (05:29 IST)   at Glenelg, Adelaide

Hong Kong tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Nov 24, 2014 (10:00 IST)   at Colombo

Pakistan vs New Zealand in UAE, 2014

Nov 26, 2014 (11:30 IST)   at Sharjah

More

Hong Kong tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Nov 22, 2014  at Dambulla

Match abandoned without a ball being bowled

Hong Kong tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Nov 21, 2014  at Dambulla

Match abandoned without a ball being bowled

Zimbabwe tour of Bangladesh, 2014

Nov 21, 2014  at Chittagong

Bangladesh won by 87 runs

South Africa tour of Australia, 2014

Nov 21, 2014  at Melbourne

Australia won by 3 wkts

Hong Kong tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Nov 20, 2014  at Dambulla

Match abandoned without a ball being bowled(Match rescheduled to 21/11/2014)

Photos

Australia vs South Africa, 3rd ODI at Canberra

Videos

SL vs Eng: Buttler practices wicketkeeping in nets

Live Cricket Score Bangladesh vs Zimbabwe 2nd ODI at Chittagong: Bangladesh make steady start

Live Cricket Score Vijay Hazare Trophy 2014-15 Odisha vs Punjab Semi-Final 2: Odisha fight to post respectable total

Live Cricket Score Vijay Hazare Trophy 2014-15 Bengal vs Karnataka Semi-Final 1: Karnataka post challenging target

Live Cricket Score Australia vs South Africa 2014, 5th ODI at Sydney: Farhaan Behardien cameo guides SA to 280/6 after 50 overs

India vs Australia 2014: How crucial are India’s practice games ahead of the first Test?

Australia Australia vs South Africa Australia vs South Africa 2014 India New Zealand New Zealand tour of UAE 2014 New Zealand vs Pakistan New Zealand vs Pakistan 2014 Pakistan Pakistan vs New Zealand Pakistan vs New Zealand 2014 South Africa South Africa tour of Australia 2014 South Africa vs Australia South Africa vs Australia 2014

Bangladesh vs Zimbabwe 2014: Bangladesh 42/0 after 10 overs

VIjay Hazare Trophy 2014: Karnataka set Bengal 269-run target

South Africa set a target of 281 for Australia in 5th ODI at Sydney Cricket Ground

Australia vs South Africa 2014: Farhaan Behardien scores his 2nd ODI half-century

Vijay Hazare Trophy 2014-15: Odisha crawl to 238/7 versus Punjab

ICC World Cup 2015: Australia in risk of overkill

Is Dhawal Kulkarni a contender for India’s ICC World Cup 2015 squad?

World Cup 1992: Arjuna Ranatunga masterminds first ever 300-plus ODI chase

India vs Australia 2014: How crucial are India’s practice games ahead of the first Test?

Rohit Sharma: India are serious contenders

Fan of the Day

Niharika Shah

Niharika Shah

681 Posts | 6 Fans

Video Highlights: Virat Kohli vs Australian cricketers

Watch Free Live Streaming & Telecast of Indian Super League (ISL) 2014 Football 37th Match between Kerala Blasters FC vs Atletico de Kolkata

PK Tharki Chokro making: Rancho aka Aamir Khan and Munna Bhai aka Sanjay Dutt shake legs to this folk number

Simbu-Hansika’s Vaalu slated for Christmas release!

Yeh Hai Mohabbatein: Will Raman and Ishita help Mihika with her plans?

Alibaba to launch its Taobao marketplace in international markets: Reuters

8 reasons to add rosemary to your diet

eBay India ‘Black Friday’ sale kicks off today

How many calories do bananas have?

Also on cricketcountry.com

Play Fantasy Cricket & Win

Cash Daily! Click here