Please note: This is a humorous piece – pure fiction.
By Amrut Thobbi
Bhuvneshwar Kumar, who impressed one and all with his guile, swing and accuracy in the first T20 match against Pakistan, is to be placed under special scanner by the Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI). With the idea of preserving the fast bowler and preventing him from getting lost like so many Indian fast bowlers in the past, the BCCI has decided to keep a sharp eye on his whereabouts 24×7 with the help of Global Positioning System (GPS) technology.
Explaining the decision, BCCI chief N Srinivasan told the media that the decision was taken after watching the bowler blow away Pakistan’s top order with his impressive swing bowling. “When we saw Bhuvneshwar bowl like that and take all those wickets, we knew we have found a good talent. This time we are determined to preserve him for a long time,” said Srinivasan.
Citing a long list of fast bowlers who have worn the Indian jersey in the recent past, Srinivasan emphasised that the GPS is not just about keeping an “eye on the bowler” but also to ensure he doesn’t take advice from the wrong people.
“Many of our fast bowlers in the past like Raju Kulkarni, Subroto Bannerjee, Paras Mhambrey, Debashish Mohanty, Bharathi Arun, Aavishkar Salvi, Bhupinder Singh, Tinu Yohanan, VRV Singh, Manpreet Gony, Pankaj Singh etc. came with much promise and then disappeared. The GPS will not only keep check where they are but also ensure they stay away from so-called experts who are asking them to reduce their pace and focus only on line and length,” said the BCCI president.
Srinivasan did not lose the opportunity to hammer the point that the introduction of GPS to track the fast bowlers is clear evidence that India is not opposed to technology, as “we are often accused of by our critics”.
In a surprising move, the BCCI has appointed ACP Pradyuman and his famous CID team to keep track of the Indian bowlers with the help of GPS. “The CID will primarily help BCCI monitor the location of the fast bowlers in the BCCI list. Inspector Daya and Inspector Abhijeet will rush to the ‘crime spot’ and nab the ‘culprit’ masquerading as experts and advising Indian bowlers that could lead to their extinction.
The BCCI has already tested out the efficacy of the GPS experiment on Shantakumaran Sreesanth and Munaf Patel on whose legs the equipment was strapped. In Sreesanth’s case, the GPS traced unsteady movements somewhere in Kerala. It was later revealed that the crazy movements were thanks to Sreesanth doing some crazy steps like he did against Andre Nel. The second case proved to be a tough riddle for the CID as there were absolutely no movements traced back from Munaf’s device. The fast bowler later informed the BCCI that he was at his home the whole day – doing nothing!
(Amrut Thobbi, an engineering graduate and a Masters in Communication & Journalism, is an ardent cricket fan who likes to write spoofs. His passion for writing inspired him to give up a sales and marketing job, which he does not regret. He has also worked as a freelance writer in education and technology sectors. He can be followed on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/amrut.