BJP have scored a thumping win in Gujarat and managed to wipe out Congress from Himachal Pradesh. But the threat seems far from being over. India and Pakistan may be battling over several issues, but it’s not too different within the nation. The arch-rivalry between BJP and Congress is no different.

BJP leaders are spending sleepless nights suspecting Congress’ hand in Virat Kohli and Anushka Sharma‘s grand wedding in Italy.

A BJP MLA Panna Lal Shakya was livid when we told: “Virat earned money in India… But he didn’t find any place to marry in the country. Is Hindustan untouchable? Lord Rama, Lord Krishna, Vikramaditya, Yudhishthir got married on this land. You all must have got married here. None of us goes to a foreign country to get married … (Mr Kohli) earned money here and spent billions there (Italy)… (he) doesn’t have any respect for the country. This proves he is not a patriot.”

This did happen. It’s a different story that the MLA had to be reminded that Kohli is the guy who captains India. The leader could not be mollified despite being shown several playing footages where Kohli has used Hindi and Punjabi slangs way more than the English ones.

Our source placed in the party has found out that the root is much deeper. BJP honchos are suspecting Congress cashing in on Virushka’s (in case you don’t know this term then your existence is questionable; it’s not in the Anthrax or Ebola category; it’s shorter form of Virat and Anushka) popularity.

How?

It was under Congress rule that Sachin Tendulkar was appointed an MP. Congress tried to have Tendulkar contest against Narendra Modi during the 2014 Lok Sabha Elections. Tendulkar constant denial of getting involved with them has irked them to such extent that they did not allow him to deliver his maiden Rajya Sabha speech.

BJP believe that Congress are now trying to net the best batsman bat for them. A BJP worker fumed at our source, “Why Italy? It’s Sonia Gandhi’s homeland. It’s a Congress conspiracy. Sonia-ji arranged for everything. Virat has an immense following so does Anushka and Congress is trying to be in their good books.”

He has a point, doesn’t he?

BJP’s counter

So the MP’s outburst was justified. However, the party made a smarter move since, with alluring offers. BJP bigwigs PM Modi and Arjun Jaitley reached at the Delhi reception to make their offer and add to the glamour. Our source confirms that the BJP offer includes an all-expense paid Chardham honeymoon package, Patanjali supply for lifetime and a PhD for the 11th-pass Kohli from Patanjali University. To appease the Indian captain, the package deal includes Ravi Shastri, apart from Virushka.

It doesn’t end here. To commemorate Kohli’s third love (after Anushka and Shastri) double-centuries, BJP will ensure the next lot of INR 200 notes have Kohli in it, not Mr Gandhi.

Demonetization or attack on black money, it’s all honey for Anushka and Kohli.

Outsmarted again, Congress chief Rahul Gandhi was last seen rushing to momma at 10 Janpath. Meanwhile, a new entrant was seen sharpening his knife. Delhi CM Arvind Kejriwal was spotted in a muffler, packing high-tech pollution masks, for gifting Kohli and the visitors he will play against.

Three elements that define India: politics, cricket and Bollywood. When Bollywood ties knot with cricket, how can politics be aloof?

Please note this is a humour article — work of pure fiction