Home > Features > Humour >

Cricket Australia begins stunning resurrection process

Cricket Australia begins stunning resurrection process

Allan Border (left) and Shane Warne (right) © Getty Images

Please note this is a humour article — work of pure fiction
 
Recent scientific discoveries have proved that resurrecting extinct creatures like dinosaurs may be possible. Abhishek Mukherjee discusses how this pathbreaking revelation will go on to resurrect Australian cricket.
 
Scientists have recently discovered that it is possible to bring extinct creatures like dinosaurs, woolly mammoths, sabre-toothed tigers, and passenger pigeons back to life. The scientists are currently working on cloning a category of goats that has now been driven to extinction.
 
In the light of this revelation, Cricket Australia (CA) has decided to implement it to great effects on an immediate basis. Tormented by Matthew Wade’s injury, superlative performance by the Indian cricketers in all aspects of the game, and the infamous HomeWorkGate incident, the Australians are in complete disarray on their tour to India.
 
Former Australian cricketers Allan Border and Matthew Hayden, currently on commentary duty in India, had been approached for a comeback, but the two giants of the sport had reluctantly turned down the offer, citing the reason that both of them were woefully out of touch and will never be able to replicate their old heroics.
 
However, Wally Edwards, Chairman of Cricket Australia, revealed in a press conference earlier on Saturday that CA has got in touch with Australian paleontologist Michael Archer, a part of the project mentioned above. Michael, currently a Professor at the School of Biological Earth and Environmental Sciences in the University of New South Wales, has agreed to help CA in this project.
 
“It will not only help bring dead cricketers back to life,” said Edwards exclusively to CricketCountry, “but it will also help long-retired cricketers to their prime, and will help them to have a go at the Indians who have been dominating the series till now. We did not go for any convoluted selection procedure, and have opted for ACB’s Team of the Century instead.”
 
“We have already asked most cricketers in the existing squad to feign injuries or ailments so that the replacements could make it to the squad. Barring Michael Clarke, the only representative of the current team, all others have been asked to come back as soon as possible.”
 
The new team now reads: Don Bradman (captain), Keith Miller (vice-captain), Ian Healy (wicket-keeper), Bill Ponsford, Arthur Morris, Greg Chappell, Neil Harvey, Ray Lindwall, Shane Warne, Dennis Lillee, Bill O’Reilly, Allan Border (representing the commentators in India), and Michael Clarke (representing the current crop of cricketers).
 
“We need to attack the Indians as soon as possible — before they could even think of retaliation”, mentions Edwards, emphasising on the importance of the surprise element. “They won’t know what had hit them”, he added, “and by the time it hits them it will be too late.”
 
(Abhishek Mukherjee is a cricket historian and Senior Cricket Writer at CricketCountry. He generally looks upon life as a journey involving two components – cricket and literature – though not as disjoint elements. A passionate follower of the history of the sport with an insatiable appetite for trivia and anecdotes, he has also a steady love affair with the incredible assortment of numbers that cricket has to offer. He also thinks he can bowl decent leg-breaks in street cricket, and blogs at http://ovshake.blogspot.in. He can be followed on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/ovshake and on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/ovshake42)

Pakistan tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Aug 6, 2014 (10:00 IST)   at Galle

India tour of England 2014

Aug 7, 2014 (15:30 IST)   at Manchester

South Africa in Zimbabwe, 2014

Aug 9, 2014 (13:30 IST)   at Harare

Pakistan tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Aug 14, 2014 (10:00 IST)   at Colombo

India tour of England 2014

Aug 15, 2014 (15:30 IST)   at London

More

India tour of England 2014

Jul 27, 2014  at Southampton

England won by 266 runs

Afghanistan tour of Zimbabwe, 2014

Jul 24, 2014  at Bulawayo

Afghanistan won by 100 runs

South Africa tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Jul 24, 2014  at Colombo

Match drawn

Afghanistan tour of Zimbabwe, 2014

Jul 22, 2014  at Bulawayo

Afghanistan won by 2 wkts

Afghanistan tour of Zimbabwe, 2014

Jul 20, 2014  at Bulawayo

Zimbabwe won by 8 wkts

Photos

India vs England 2014, 3rd Test

Videos

Highlights of Phil Hughes' double ton

5 things you need to know about Graham Thorpe

India vs England 2014, 4th Test at Old Trafford: Ajinkya Rahane needs to play decisive role

10 little-known facts about Sir Frank Worrell

Statistical analysis of Jacques Kallis’s ODI career

England England vs India England vs India 2014 Ian Bell India India tour of England 2014 India vs England India vs England 2014 James Anderson Moeen Ali South Africa Sri Lanka

Nasser Hussain praises Alastair Cook after victory in 3rd Test against India at Southampton

Bhuvneshwar Kumar’s swollen ankle worries MS Dhoni ahead of 4th Test at Old Trafford

Sachin Tendulkar inaugurates shopping mall in Vijayawada

Ian Botham praises England’s performance in third Test against India

Michael Clarke keen for Australia to reclaim No 1 ranking in Tests

India vs England 2014, 4th Test at Old Trafford: Should Umesh Yadav be sent as cover for Ishant Sharma?

5 things you need to know about Graham Thorpe

India vs England 2014, 4th Test at Old Trafford: Ajinkya Rahane needs to play decisive role

Faisal Iqbal: Political interference has caused harm to my international career

Ray Markham — The Press Box Scorer who made it from the Loft to Lord’s

Fan of the Day

Niharika Shah

Niharika Shah

658 Posts | 6 Fans

Sachin Tendulkar's nine dismissals against James Anderson

Rafael to miss rest of Man Utd’s tour of the USA with groin injury

Arjun Kapoor and Deepika Padukone to surprise fans!

Aamir Khan’s PK poster subjected to more ridicule than praise!

Prevent Diabetes Tip – get regular health check-ups

Also on cricketcountry.com

Play Fantasy Cricket & Win

Cash Daily! Click here