Home > Features > Humour >

Cricket journalists reluctant to cover yet another India-Sri Lanka ODI match!

Cricket journalists refuse to cover yet another Sri Lanka ODI match for third day running

There have been 141 ODIs between India and Sri Lanka so far © Getty Images

By UnReal Mama

Please note this is a humour article – work of pure fiction

With the Sri Lankans managing to scrape past the West Indians in a rain marred ODI spread over two days, a pall of gloom hangs over the Indian cricket team dressing room: the men in blue find themselves in the thankless position of having to beat Sri Lanka in Tuesday’s encounter so that they face them yet again in the finals.

“This is one of the most testing periods of my captaincy, man,” moaned stand-in-skipper, Kohli. “How the hell am I supposed to tell my boys to up their game knowing that would imply having to play those Lankans yet again for the gazillionth time? They tell me even a call center job is more exciting than playing or watching an India-Sri Lanka ODI match. B@#$@#$ M#@#$@#$,” he sputtered. The pugnacious Delhi lad is half hoping that if not for rain, the match gets cancelled due to boredom, elimination from the tournament notwithstanding.

The only cricketers more pissed than the Indians seem to be the Sri Lankan cricketers. “At least other teams play us some of the time but we have to experience us playing others all the time, man. Even I get bored when I put on yet another annoying, sleep inducing 100 run partnership with Mahela,” wailed Sangakara, banging his head against the wall in his hotel roon.

If you think cricketers are going through some testing times, then spare a though for cricket journalists, especially those based in the subcontinent, who have to cover Sri Lanka ODI cricket for the third day running. The situation is so fraught that the text commentary association, a labour union that caters to the interests of professional ball by ball text commentators and sundry cricket geeks, has threatened to boycott Tuesday’s match in Port of Spain.

“We would rather cover Fiji Under 19s vs Samoa Under 19s taking place somewhere in the Pacific Ocean than another Sri Lanka match, man,” wailed Rahul Ponga, president of the association. “Every profession has a downside – Bollywood stars cavorting in embarrassing ways in front of the cameras, national reporters obliged to cover a Dr. Manmohan Singh speech, film critics required to review a RGV movie. In case of cricket journalism, it happens to be covering an India-Sri Lanka ODI match,” he added.

The Ministry of Labour has stepped in to break the logjam between cricket portals and their text commentators. “It would be inhuman and in violation of the UN charter on human rights to subject commentators to the excruciating experience of putting a night-out to cover a match involving Sri Lanka for the third consecutive day,” said Sis Ram Ola, the honourable Minister for Labour and Employment.

So as compromise, text commentary for today’s match will conform to the following format:

0.1   Tharanga or whoever to… yawn… are you really interested?

0.2   Some shit

0.3   Ditto

0.4   Ditto..pass me the coffee… never mind, dozing off

0.5   zzzzz

0.6   Whew… 49 more overs to go

And this will be copy pasted for the remaining overs.

(Originally published in www.theunrealtimes.comUnreal Mama” is the pen name of CS Krishna & Karthik Laxman, founding editors of the site which is India’s favourite satire, spoof, parody and humour portal)

Pakistan vs New Zealand in UAE, 2014

Nov 17, 2014 (11:30 IST)   at Dubai

South Africa tour of Australia, 2014

Nov 21, 2014 (08:50 IST)   at Melbourne

Zimbabwe tour of Bangladesh, 2014

Nov 21, 2014 (13:00 IST)   at Chittagong

Hong Kong tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Nov 21, 2014 (10:00 IST)   at Dambulla

Hong Kong tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Nov 22, 2014 (10:00 IST)   at Dambulla

More

Hong Kong tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Nov 20, 2014  at Dambulla

Match abandoned without a ball being bowled(Match rescheduled to 21/11/2014)

Hong Kong tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Nov 19, 2014  at Dambulla

Match abandoned without a ball being bowled

South Africa tour of Australia, 2014

Nov 19, 2014  at Canberra

Australia won by 73 runs

Sri Lanka tour of India, 2014

Nov 16, 2014  at Ranchi

India won by 3 wkts

South Africa tour of Australia, 2014

Nov 16, 2014  at Perth

South Africa won by 3 wkts

Photos

Australia vs South Africa, 3rd ODI at Canberra

Videos

SL vs Eng: Buttler practices wicketkeeping in nets

Virat Kohli’s challenge in Australia is like Sachin Tendulkar’s task Down Under in 1999-2000

Did N Srinivasan browbeat Mudgal panel?

South Africa’s struggles while chasing

Australia vs South Africa 2014: Aaron Finch could be key batsman for Australia

Keith Pont bicycles across cricket ground while fielding

Australia Australia vs South Africa Australia vs South Africa 2014 BCCI India New Zealand New Zealand tour of UAE 2014 New Zealand vs Pakistan New Zealand vs Pakistan 2014 Pakistan Pakistan vs New Zealand Pakistan vs New Zealand 2014 South Africa South Africa tour of Australia 2014 South Africa vs Australia South Africa vs Australia 2014

India tour of Australia 2014: KL Rahul confident of doing well

IPL 2013 spot-fixing and betting scandal: BCCI affidavit suggests that they took action against ‘Individual 3′

Virat Kohli confirms relationship with Anushka Sharma

Sri Lanka vs England 2014: Alastair Cook eyeing series victory

Sri Lanka vs England 2014: Moeen Ali to open batting with Alastair Cook in tour game against Sri Lanka A

Pakistan vs New Zealand 2014, 2nd Test at Dubai: Tim Southee finally comes good in UAE

Stuart Binny — can the all-rounder be a trump card for India in ODIs?

World Cup 1996: UAE register maiden ODI victory

WG Grace versus Fred Spofforth – was the Father of Cricket unable to overcome his Demon?

Sarfraz Ahmed — Pakistan’s saviour at No. 7

Fan of the Day

Niharika Shah

Niharika Shah

681 Posts | 6 Fans

Video Highlights: Virat Kohli vs Australian cricketers

Xiaomi Redmi Note launch in India imminent

Stuart Binny — can the all-rounder be a trump card for India in ODIs?

Happy Ending movie review: Saif Ali Khan and Ileana D’cruz’s quirky romedy will NOT disappoint you

Ladies, experience pain when you pee? Here are 6 reasons why

Mistakes to Never Make in an Interview

LOL! This treadmill #fail video is hilarious. Don’t miss the woman wearing heels!

WhatsApp releases a new user-friendly feature for group messages

Pakistan vs New Zealand 2014, 2nd Test at Dubai: Tim Southee finally comes good in UAE

Also on cricketcountry.com

Play Fantasy Cricket & Win

Cash Daily! Click here