Duncan Fletcher © Getty Image
Duncan Fletcher spoke to a source about what went wrong for India © Getty Image

By Vincent Sunder

Please note this is a humour article — work of pure fiction

The Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI) has clipped Duncan Fletcher’s wings by ‘resting’ two of his trusted men in bowling coach Joe Dawes and fielding coach Trevor Penney for the forthcoming One-Day International series against England. Obviously piqued by the mauling India got in the recently-concluded Test series, the BCCI brought in the tough Ravi Shastri as Director of Cricket with immediate effect and made Fletcher report to the fiery all-rounder. The Indian team coach it was time for him to give expression to his inner feelings.

Fletcher told source — in confidence, it must be said — the reasons for India’s dismal performance in the Test series against England:

1.       Believe me, it was our strategy to lose the Test series and lull England into giving them false confidence. Who cares for Test cricket! Fans don’t. And fans matter to us the most. Just wait and see what happens in the ODI series ahead. The true class between the sides will be seen by the whole world.

2.       I must admit that not all of the catches spilt in the slips were deliberate and part of the strategy. To be honest, some of the dropped catches were as a result of the guys not washing their hands properly after tucking into butter chicken at the break. These things happen.

3.       We were hoping that we would find jelly beans on the wicket to fire us up. But, sadly, that did not happen.

4.       Trevor Penney and Joe Dawes wanted a vacation, which the BCCI refused point blank after the Lords’ Test.  So…

5.       There was a problem in communication. Some of the boys did not understand the Hindi that Trevor, Joe and I speak.

6.       There was no Director of Cricket, so essential to win games!

(Vincent Sunder aspired to play Test cricket, but had to struggle to play gully cricket! He managed a league side to title triumph in the KSCA tournaments. He was debarred from umpiring in the gully games after he once appealed vociferously for a caught-behind decision when officiating as an umpire! After two decades in the corporate sector, he became an entrepreneur with the objective of being able to see cricket matches on working days as well. Vincent gets his high from cricket books and cricket videos and discussing cricket)