Home > Features > Humour >

Duncan Fletcher to undergo plastic surgery to look like Gary Kirsten!

Duncan Fletcher to undergo plastic surgery to look like Gary Kirsten!

After studying Duncan Fletcher’s file, the doctor who is slated to do the plastic surgery said: “It appears that for many years Duncan has been holding his chin in a pensive posture and hasn’t moved much for most of the time. Due to this, his chin muscles have dissolved with his throat and neck muscles.” © Getty Images

By Bakeafakecake
 
Please note: This is a humorous piece – pure fiction.
 
Just when we thought Duncan Fletcher’s days as the coach of the Indian cricket team might be numbered, the Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI) announced today that it will be sending the incumbent coach for a cosmetic surgery to make him look exactly like Gary Kirsten, under whom India won the 2011 ICC World Cup.

This is the latest endeavor from the cricketing board to motivate team India to come back from a string of losses in their own backyard.

Talking to Faking News, BCCI chief N Srinivasan said, “Booting someone out just because he is not able to perform or deliver his duties is not the solution. This is not part of our culture in India. Duncan may not be an Indian, but he is a human being. And everyone has the right to remain highly unimaginative and lethargic, as many of our cricket administrators are.”
 
“Appearances matter,” Srinivasan further argued. “A new haircut for Sachin helped him get his 100th international century, while Dhoni’s haircut after World Cup victory seems to have worked the other way. So we knew that the current problems in the Indian team needed solutions beyond haircuts, so we are going for facial restructuring of Duncan.”

The board had discussions with Gary Kirsten as well, and he was happy with the move. Kirsten, however, requested the BCCI to impose a contractual obligation on Duncan Fletcher that post surgery, he must not be found in the vicinity of his (Kirsten’s) house to avoid confusion.

Doctor Samuels in Australia will be heading the surgery. When contacted he said, “After studying Duncan’s file, it appears that for many years he has been holding his chin in a pensive posture and hasn’t moved much for most of the time. Due to this, his chin muscles have dissolved with his throat and neck muscles. We will need to work on that, plus get all the bacon and sausages out of his waist area. This is a challenging surgery, but I am confident about success.”

Sources say that Indian cricket team has welcomed the BCCI decision as they want Gary back. However, former selector Mohinder Amarnath has claimed that “cosmetic changes” are not going to work.
Srinivasan rejected Amarnath’s criticism, ”Some people issue statements just to be in news.

The board chief further informed that Fletcher has already boarded the flight for the surgery and a lookalike of him has already been called from Yorkshire to sit in the pavilion during the matches India will be playing in his absence.
 
(The above article has been reproduced with permission from www.fakingnews.com)

India tour of Australia 2014, Practice matches

Nov 24, 2014 (05:29 IST)   at Glenelg, Adelaide

Pakistan vs New Zealand in UAE, 2014

Nov 26, 2014 (11:30 IST)   at Sharjah

India tour of Australia 2014, Practice matches

Nov 28, 2014 (05:29 IST)   at Adelaide

England tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Nov 29, 2014 (10:00 IST)   at Colombo

Deodhar Trophy, 2014-15

Nov 29, 2014 (14:30 IST)   at TBC

More

Afghanistan tour of UAE, 2014

Nov 28, 2014  at Dubai

United Arab Emirates won by 5 wkts

Zimbabwe tour of Bangladesh, 2014

Nov 28, 2014  at Dhaka

Bangladesh won by 21 runs

Zimbabwe tour of Bangladesh, 2014

Nov 26, 2014  at Dhaka

Bangladesh won by 124 runs

England tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Nov 26, 2014  at Colombo

Sri Lanka won by 25 runs

Hong Kong tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Nov 24, 2014  at Colombo

Hong Kong won by 2 wkts

Photos

Phil Hughes suffers head injury: In photos

Videos

Phil Hughes passes away: Video tribute

Sean Abbott will find the road ahead a living nightmare

Phillip Hughes’ death: What happens to India vs Australia Test series?

Phillip Hughes 63 not out, forever

Phil Hughes: Remembering his most memorable knocks

Phillip Hughes passes away: Crying for Phillip Hughes

Australia England India New Zealand New Zealand tour of UAE 2014 New Zealand vs Pakistan New Zealand vs Pakistan 2014 Pakistan Pakistan vs New Zealand Pakistan vs New Zealand 2014 Phil Hughes Phil Hughes Death Phil Hughes head injury Phillip Hughes Sri Lanka

India tour of Australia 2014-15: 1st Test set to be rescheduled as David Warner, Shane Watson and Brad Haddin not ready

UAE beat Afghanistan by 5-wickets in first ODI at Dubai

Bangladesh edge out Zimbabwe by 21 runs in 4th ODI at Dhaka

Phillip Hughes was destined for greatness: Steve Waugh

Afghanistan set 249-run target against UAE in 1st ODI at Dubai

Brendon McCullum smashes fastest Test century for New Zealand

Pakistan vs New Zealand, 3rd Test at Sharjah, Day Two: Statistical Highlights

Phillip Hughes’ death: Cricket resumes, but with a heavy heart

Bangladesh vs Zimbabwe 2014, 4th ODI at Dhaka: Highlights

Mushfiqur Rahim and Mohammad Mahmudullah record second-highest fifth wicket partnership for Bangladesh in ODIs

Fan of the Day

Niharika Shah

Niharika Shah

682 Posts | 6 Fans

Video: Phil Hughes suffers head injury, collapses on field during New South Wales vs South Australia tie

India is becoming our largest overseas market, Xiaomi CEO Lei Jun says

Fawad Khan Birthday Special: 7 reasons that make him the ONE you have been waiting for secretly!

‘एक्शन-जैक्सन’ मूवी के लिए अजय देवगण ने कैसे वज़न घटाया

More broadband connections to boost GDP growth in Asia Pacific: GSMA

वज़न घटाने का नुस्ख़ा #43: वज्रासन से वज़न घटायें

Priyanka Kothari Birthday Special: Sexy looks of the hot actress (In Pics)

Bigg Boss 8 highlights: Ali Quli Mirza left alone, Gautam Gulati gets special present from Diandra Soares

Bigg Boss 8: OMG! Gautam Gulati draggd to the bathroom by Diandra Soares

Also on cricketcountry.com

Play Fantasy Cricket & Win

Cash Daily! Click here