Home > Features > Humour >

Election Results 2014: Ravi Shastri rides the BJP-Narendra Modi wave in style!

© Getty Images
Ravi Shastri (extreme left) with the players out in the middle Narendra Modi (top left) Rahul Gandhi and Arvind Kejriwal (bottom) © Getty Images

Please note this is a humour article — work of pure fiction

By Flying Freak

With the Indian Premier League (IPL) 2014 taking a two-day break, Ravi Shastri couldn’t keep himself away from the “centre of the action.” As the Lok Sabha Elections 2014 results are being announced, Shastri is hosting the results day coverage on a popular news channel. No problems with him moving from cricket to the political sphere as he has taken to it like “a fish takes to water.” Its understood that he was practicing some of his lines for the big day. Fortunately for him, he didn’t have to work too hard. The only difference was that he had to interchange his presentation and the toss templates.

He began his morning introduction by saying, “Ladies and gentlemen, what we have seen in the last two months was an exhilarating contest between the two sides. It is only appropriate to thank the Election Commission of India and the Government of India for making this possible. The voters came out in large numbers to support their sides. With the machine before them, they pressed and pressed hard. Irrespective of the result, one can happily say that in the end, democracy was the winner. All three results are possible.”

When the first results came out, he said, “So the BJP draws first blood.” As the result kept pouring in one heard phrases like, “BJP needs a couple of sixes [parliamentary seats] to do the full monty. That is what the doctor ordered. No half measures there.”  Shastri was going ballistic with his famed clichés!

It is understood that Shastri would hold a special presentation ceremony later in the day with Rahul Gandhi and Narendra Modi when the outcome is finally known. Brace yourselves for questions like, “So Narendra, what have you decided? What is your side [cabinet] going to be?” and “So Rahul, what went wrong out there? Did you think the women empowerment bit went for a toss?”

Meanwhile, Arvind Kejriwal made his presence with characteristic objections against Shastri hosting the show. He said, “Dekhiye (coughs) yeh Congress aur BJP ki chaal hai. Logon ko bewakoof bana rahe hai. Agar hame cliché sunne hote toh hum cricket match nahi dekhte. Iska main zaroor khulasa karunga (coughs).” (Hindi for: See, this is a ploy by Congress and the BJP. They are fooling the people. If we want to hear clichés, wouldn’t we watch cricket matches. I will definitely expose this).

(The Flying Freak eats, lives, drinks cricket, but likes to mix up the sport with everything. An aspiring vocalist, he is aiming to win the Ghanta Awards soon)

South Africa tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Jul 24, 2014 (10:00 IST)   at Colombo

India tour of England 2014

Jul 27, 2014 (15:30 IST)   at Southampton

Pakistan tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Aug 6, 2014 (10:00 IST)   at Galle

India tour of England 2014

Aug 7, 2014 (15:30 IST)   at Manchester

South Africa in Zimbabwe, 2014

Aug 9, 2014 (13:30 IST)   at Harare

More

Afghanistan tour of Zimbabwe, 2014

Jul 24, 2014  at Bulawayo

Afghanistan won by 100 runs

Afghanistan tour of Zimbabwe, 2014

Jul 22, 2014  at Bulawayo

Afghanistan won by 2 wkts

Afghanistan tour of Zimbabwe, 2014

Jul 20, 2014  at Bulawayo

Zimbabwe won by 8 wkts

Afghanistan tour of Zimbabwe, 2014

Jul 18, 2014  at Bulawayo

Zimbabwe won by 6 wkts

India tour of England 2014

Jul 17, 2014  at London

India won by 95 runs

Photos

Gallery: India vs England 2nd Test at Lord's

Videos

Alastair Cook jokes about his bowling

10 things you need to know about Zaheer Abbas

Sri Lanka vs South Africa 2nd Test at Colombo: Pride at stake for high-flying hosts

Mahela Jayawardene at SSC: A tale of 11 tons

Please help Graeme Pollock, cricket boards and franchises of the world

Cricket at Commonwealth Games and Olympics: Why not?

Afghanistan tour of Zimbabwe 2014 England England vs India England vs India 2014 India India tour of England 2014 India vs England India vs England 2014 Ishant Sharma South Africa South Africa tour of Sri Lanka 2014 Sri Lanka Sri Lanka vs South Africa Sri Lanka vs South Africa 2014 Zimbabwe vs Afghanistan 2014

Kane Richardson, Ben Cutting clinical in Australia A’s 6-wicket win over South Africa A

Bangladesh recall Imrul Kayes for West Indies tour

India vs England 3rd Test at Southampton: R Ashwin should play, feels Saqlain Mushtaq

JSCA to organise bowling camp for 17 short-listed candidates

India vs England 3rd Test at Southampton: Grass cover on pitch at Rose Bowl

10 things you need to know about Zaheer Abbas

Sri Lanka vs South Africa 2nd Test at Colombo: Pride at stake for high-flying hosts

Mahela Jayawardene at SSC: A tale of 11 tons

Please help Graeme Pollock, cricket boards and franchises of the world

Cricket at Commonwealth Games and Olympics: Why not?

Fan of the Day

Fan Cricket

Fan Cricket

11 Posts | 2 Fans

Brazil vs Netherlands, 3rd place Fifa World Cup 2014 match Video Highlights

Kane Richardson, Ben Cutting clinical in Australia A’s 6-wicket win over South Africa A

Bangladesh recall Imrul Kayes for West Indies tour

UN officials highlight the rising trend of pharmaceutical misuse in India

399 million users access Facebook every month only on their mobile phones, mobile ads account for 62 percent of overall ad revenues

After Kick, Salman Khan to remain busy with shoots till 2018

Mobile services market in India to be $19.2 billion in 2014: Gartner

What is Nandita Das’ next directorial venture all about?

Expecting a baby? Here’s an app that will help!

Also on cricketcountry.com

Play Fantasy Cricket & Win

Cash Daily! Click here