High alert sounded in India as Sachin Tendulkar threatens to announce retirement
Sachin Tendulkar’s critics must remain in their homes, informed police © Getty Images
Please note: This is a humorous piece – pure fiction.
Police and security agencies have been asked to keep a tight vigil as there is a buzz suggesting that Sachin Tendulkar might announce retirement from all forms of cricket following the criticism he has suffered from all kinds of random people on TV, internet and in print.
“He logged on to Twitter and saw even KRK suggesting that Sachin should retire,” a close aide of Tendulkar told Faking News. “Not that anyone takes KRK seriously, but Sachin was uncharacteristically incensed and threatened that he’d better announce retirement than let retards spoil his party.”
Post this threat, the Home Ministry issued an immediate communiqué sounding high alert in the whole country as supporters of Tendulkar were feared to go on rampage looking for characters like KRK.
”Various people, including Vinod Kambli, who suggested that Tendulkar was past his prime and should hang his boots, could be targeted by millions of Sachin followers,” an intelligence officer feared.
“We are taking precautions, but one needs to understand that we have less security personnel than the number of Sachin followers in the country,” the officer added.
While the government could provide security to people like Kambli and Gavaskar (KRK has been asked to save his own backside), intelligence agencies have expressed helplessness in controlling mobs that could erupt in places like engineering colleges, Eden Gardens, and Facebook.
“We expect millions of FIR lodged by pro-Tendulkar groups to arrest people making uncharitable remarks about their God under the Section 66A of the IT act,” a police officer from Bandra said.
Police officers have suggested that Tendulkar critics shouldn’t come out of their homes unless there is some urgent work. They point out that Tendulkar has not appealed for calm and restraint.
Unconfirmed sources inform that a Bandh has already been called in Kolkata to protest any possible retirement of Tendulkar. Effigies of Kambli were seen, being burnt by a section of people outside Tendulkar’s Bandra residence, while seven people in Andhra Pradesh have threatened to commit suicide if Sachin didn’t reconsider his decision.
Tendulkar was unavailable for any comments on this matter. However, Faking News got in touch with his long-time coach Ramakant Achrekar. “The good news is that he is positive that Tendulkar will continue playing till he gets a hundred at Lord’s, a triple hundred in Tests, or at least a chance to open the innings with son Arjun,” opined the coach. But he added, “The country should pray for Sachin’s quick recovery to prime form and refrain from making jokes around his retirement.”
Even political parties are planning to use this opportunity with Arvind Kejriwal’s Aam Aadmi Party demanding that Tendulkar must continue playing. Kejriwal recently tweeted and threatened to expose the bank accounts of people like Kambli and Gavaskar if they continued with their unwanted retirement suggestions.
(The above article of Trendulkar was reproduced with permission from www.fakingnews.com . Trendulkar can also be followed on Facebook -https://www.facebook.com/Trendulkar and Twitter - https://twitter.com/Trendulkar)