Home > Features > Humour >

High alert sounded in India as Sachin Tendulkar threatens to announce retirement

High alert sounded in India as Sachin Tendulkar threatens to announce retirement

Sachin Tendulkar’s critics must remain in their homes, informed police © Getty Images

Please note: This is a humorous piece – pure fiction.

Police and security agencies have been asked to keep a tight vigil as there is a buzz suggesting that Sachin Tendulkar might announce retirement from all forms of cricket following the criticism he has suffered from all kinds of random people on TV, internet and in print.

“He logged on to Twitter and saw even KRK suggesting that Sachin should retire,” a close aide of Tendulkar told Faking News. “Not that anyone takes KRK seriously, but Sachin was uncharacteristically incensed and threatened that he’d better announce retirement than let retards spoil his party.”

Post this threat, the Home Ministry issued an immediate communiqué sounding high alert in the whole country as supporters of Tendulkar were feared to go on rampage looking for characters like KRK.

 ”Various people, including Vinod Kambli, who suggested that Tendulkar was past his prime and should hang his boots, could be targeted by millions of Sachin followers,” an intelligence officer feared.

“We are taking precautions, but one needs to understand that we have less security personnel than the number of Sachin followers in the country,” the officer added.

While the government could provide security to people like Kambli and Gavaskar (KRK has been asked to save his own backside), intelligence agencies have expressed helplessness in controlling mobs that could erupt in places like engineering colleges, Eden Gardens, and Facebook.

“We expect millions of FIR lodged by pro-Tendulkar groups to arrest people making uncharitable remarks about their God under the Section 66A of the IT act,” a police officer from Bandra said.

Police officers have suggested that Tendulkar critics shouldn’t come out of their homes unless there is some urgent work. They point out that Tendulkar has not appealed for calm and restraint.

Unconfirmed sources inform that a Bandh has already been called in Kolkata to protest any possible retirement of Tendulkar. Effigies of Kambli were seen, being burnt by a section of people outside Tendulkar’s Bandra residence, while seven people in Andhra Pradesh have threatened to commit suicide if Sachin didn’t reconsider his decision.

Tendulkar was unavailable for any comments on this matter. However, Faking News got in touch with his long-time coach Ramakant Achrekar. “The good news is that he is positive that Tendulkar will continue playing till he gets a hundred at Lord’s, a triple hundred in Tests, or at least a chance to open the innings with son Arjun,” opined the coach. But he added, “The country should pray for Sachin’s quick recovery to prime form and refrain from making jokes around his retirement.”

Even political parties are planning to use this opportunity with Arvind Kejriwal’s Aam Aadmi Party demanding that Tendulkar must continue playing. Kejriwal recently tweeted and threatened to expose the bank accounts of people like Kambli and Gavaskar if they continued with their unwanted retirement suggestions.

(The above article of Trendulkar was reproduced with permission from www.fakingnews.com . Trendulkar can also be followed on Facebook -https://www.facebook.com/Trendulkar  and Twitter - https://twitter.com/Trendulkar)

India tour of England 2014

Jul 27, 2014 (15:30 IST)   at Southampton

Pakistan tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Aug 6, 2014 (10:00 IST)   at Galle

India tour of England 2014

Aug 7, 2014 (15:30 IST)   at Manchester

South Africa in Zimbabwe, 2014

Aug 9, 2014 (13:30 IST)   at Harare

Pakistan tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Aug 14, 2014 (10:00 IST)   at Colombo

More

Afghanistan tour of Zimbabwe, 2014

Jul 24, 2014  at Bulawayo

Afghanistan won by 100 runs

South Africa tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Jul 24, 2014  at Colombo

Match drawn

Afghanistan tour of Zimbabwe, 2014

Jul 22, 2014  at Bulawayo

Afghanistan won by 2 wkts

Afghanistan tour of Zimbabwe, 2014

Jul 20, 2014  at Bulawayo

Zimbabwe won by 8 wkts

Afghanistan tour of Zimbabwe, 2014

Jul 18, 2014  at Bulawayo

Zimbabwe won by 6 wkts

Photos

India vs England 2014, 3rd Test

Videos

Highlights of Phil Hughes' double ton

India vs England 2014, 3rd Test at Southampton: India still have a chance to draw

Moeen Ali – the part-timer keeps pegging India back with crucial wickets

India vs England 2014, 3rd Test at Southampton: India’s sloppy batting and other highlights of play on Day 3

Moeen Ali’s ‘Save Gaza’ wristband suspension: Cricket and political sentiments don’t mix

Denesh Ramdin: Didn’t expect Sunil Narine to bowl Super Over maiden

Alastair Cook England England vs India England vs India 2014 India India tour of England 2014 India vs England India vs England 2014 South Africa South Africa tour of Sri Lanka 2014 South Africa vs Sri Lanka South Africa vs Sri Lanka 2014 Sri Lanka Sri Lanka vs South Africa Sri Lanka vs South Africa 2014

India vs England 2014, 3rd Test at Southampton stats highlights: Day 3

Zaheer Khan: Ishant Sharma is hardworking; Mohammed Shami needs time to learn

India vs England 2014, 3rd Test at Southampton: Stuart Broad delighted as Ian Bell, Alastair Cook delivered

Happy Birthday, James Anderson!

Harbhajan Singh congratulates wrestler Sushil Kumar for CWG 2014 gold medal

India vs England 2014, 3rd Test at Southampton: India still have a chance to draw

Moeen Ali – the part-timer keeps pegging India back with crucial wickets

India vs England 2014, 3rd Test at Southampton: India’s sloppy batting and other highlights of play on Day 3

India’s poor shot selection gives England advantage on Day 3 of 3rd Test at Southampton

‘Yuvraj, Ganguly, Zaheer and Indian team to come together in support of my charitable cause’

Fan of the Day

Fan Cricket

Fan Cricket

11 Posts | 2 Fans

Brazil vs Netherlands, 3rd place Fifa World Cup 2014 match Video Highlights

Former Brazil coach Luiz Felipe Scolari takes charge of Gremio

LG follows Samsung to market with 105-inch monster TV

Deepika Padukone sexier in a swimsuit than Katrina Kaif, say fans!

Prevent Diabetes Tip – get regular health check-ups

Yudh: Five reasons why Amitabh Bachchan’s debut show did not garner enough TRPs

India vs England 2014, 3rd Test at Southampton stats highlights: Day 3

India vs England 2014, 3rd Test at Southampton: India still have a chance to draw

Rafael to miss rest of Man Utd’s tour of the USA with groin injury

Google Glass to make its official operatic debut

Ex-Cabinet secretary Zafar Saifullah is dead

Also on cricketcountry.com

Play Fantasy Cricket & Win

Cash Daily! Click here