Shahid Afiridi s first reaction on being told that his birth certificate has finally been discovered and has gone public! © Getty Images
Please note: This is a humorous piece – pure fiction.
Mankind is a step closer to determining the precise age of Pakistan cricketer Shahid Afridi after archaeologists stumbled upon his birth certificate during an ongoing excavation at Mohenjo-Daro, an archeological site situated in the province of Sindh, Pakistan and designated a UNESCO World Heritage Site in 1980. The document confirms what cricket pundits have suspected for a long time: that the mercurial Pathan is at least 4000 years old.
Afridi himself bashfully acknowledged his ancient vintage, nostalgically recalling his idyllic days as kid frolicking about in the bylanes of Mohenjo-Daro, then easily the leading city of the subcontinent. ”Civic amenities were much better then – well planned streets, public baths, efficient sewage and garbage disposal,” wistfully noted Afridi.
Of course, the Brits hadn’t civilised yet and were clubbing each other to death then and young Afridi would have to wait a bit for his cricketing debut. He did model for the odd assignment, including for the bust of Mohenjo-Daro, before the city was razed to the ground by marauding, horse-mounted Aryan warriors, stooping down from what was even then considered the wild, lawless, North-West frontier. “That was a chaotic phase. Break-down of law and order, erosion of civilized values, rampant extremism …conditions quite similar to what many parts of Pakistan are grappling with now,” he noted with sadness.
The invasions induced young Afridi to migrate to the ‘Wild West’ and set up base around the Khyber Pass to take up a career as a frontiersman. A relatively uneventful life of obscurity followed, before the flamboyant cricketer shot to fame with his sensational cricketing debut at the ripe old age of 16 against Sri Lanka in 1996.
Historians contend that the dashing all-rounder now holds the key to their unlocking the mysteries of that hoary, pre-Vedic past, including the hitherto undeciphered Indus Valley script. This of course means that they are not anywhere closer to doing so.
(Reproduced with permission from http://www.theunrealtimes.com/. The UnReal Times is one of the top websites for satire, spoof, parody and humour in India)