Home > Features > Humour >

Humour: The ‘real’ reason why Rahul Dravid announced his retirement

Humour: The 'real' reason why Rahul Dravid announced his retirement

Rahul Dravid reveals the reason for his retirement! © Getty Images

In a widely-predicted move, Rahul Dravid announced on Friday he would be retiring from Test cricket in order to come out of T20 International retirement. Arriving at the Vodafone-sponsored press conference on a Gatorade segway and demanding the assembled media now refer to him as ‘The DLF Wall’, the batting legend said he was looking forward to finally gaining some respect as a player, a feat he said could only be achieved by mastering Jade Dernbach’s death bowling variations in the shortest form of the game.
 

After making a brief statement in which the renowned egotist described his Test career as ‘not so bad, I suppose’, India’s greatest ever No 3 went on to anger journalists by discussing his own playing days instead of answering questions about what colour socks he thought Sachin Tendulkar might wear in the upcoming Asia Cup. 
 

In further heated scenes, two reporters walked out when Dravid selfishly chose to talk about his classic 270 against Pakistanin Rawalpindi instead of commenting on decade-old rumours of team discontent stemming from the time Harbhajan Singh once ate an orange that might possibly have belonged to Sourav Ganguly.

 

Away from the commotion, a clearly emotional Dravid revealed why he had made the decision to focus solely on ‘his first love’: “Even during some of my more acceptable Test innings – Kolkata 2001, Leeds 2002, for example – I must admit I felt incomplete as a cricketer. I asked myself, where are the fireworks? Where are the dancing girls? Where, oh where, is Shibani Dandekar? Their absence left me feeling a bit empty, to be honest.” 
 

Dravid also added he had ‘unfinished business’ with Ravi Bopara’s dibbly-dobblers – a constant thorn in his side throughout his one-match T20 International career – and that he would be ‘open to offers’ from the inaugural RIPL (Russian Invitational Premier League) if he felt the experience could help raise his T20 International strike-rate from its present unimpressive 147.61.
 

Reaction to Dravid’s announcement has been mixed, with former, current and future ex-Pakistan talisman Shahid Afridi labeling his comeback plans ‘lame and indecisive’ and claiming that ‘these people should just make their minds up instead of all this faffing about’. 

There was support, however, from legendary Indian all-rounder Kapil Dev, who heaped praise on Dravid’s decision to prolong his career: “As I was saying to Richard Hadlee the other day, timing is everything when it comes to retirements. It’s not about individual records, it’s about the team and Rahul is only 1,321 behind Brendon McCullum in the T20 International run-scoring charts. For me, it will be utterly selfish if he doesn’t just play on until he’s No 1.”

It is not yet clear if VVS Laxman, another of India’s elder statesmen under pressure to retire, intends to pursue a similar strategy to extend his international playing career, but the middle order maestro did confirm to an ecstatic Ravi Shastri that he has recently spent many moments furiously practicing his ‘Citibank switch hit of success’ in his back garden.

(James Marsh is a TEFL teacher based in the Czech Republic, although his real occupation is alienating those close to him by wallowing on statsguru. He blogs on cricket at Pavilion Opinions and can be found on Twitter at @PavilionOpinion)

 

More articles on Rahul Dravid: 

 

Rahul Dravid’s five memorable hundreds in testing English conditions

 

Rahul Dravid’s retirement announcement is a study in self-effacing dignity

 

Dravid’s exit will not be realised till India next play outside the subcontinent

 

Dravid – the eternal bridesmaid who wasn’t Destiny’s favourite child

 

Dravid’s exit leaves India to cope with loss of a crisis management expert

 

End of an era as Rahul Dravid the symbol of stability bows out

 

Rahul Dravid’s ten greatest knocks in Test cricket
 

Rahul Dravid buddha? Buddha hoga tera baap!

 

Rahul Dravid’s approach at the MCG was like a corporate pro

 

Sachin-Tendulkar & Rahul-Dravid: International cricket’s greatest jugalbandi

 

Rahul Dravid – The Great Wall of India; cricket’s world wonder!

 

Dravid closes the gap on Tendulkar in Test cricket with a phenomenal year in 2011
 

2011 has been the year of Rahul Dravid on and off the field of play

 

Lessons to learn from Rahul Dravid’s transformation in ODIs

 

Another brick in the impregnable wall the rise and rise of Rahul Dravid

 

Corporate world will wait for Dravid to transform into a motivational speaker

 

15 years on the Rahul Dravid Sudoku remains unsolved

 

Rahul Dravid’s textbook batting has given life to the coaching manual

 

Substance over style: What’s common between Dravid  & Chanderpaul
 

Rahul Dravid – Indian cricket’s perennial 911
 

Rahul Dravid – a champion when batting outside the comfort zone

 

Sachin Tendulkar and Rahul Dravid – a study in comparison

 

Eden – the everlasting honeymoon for Laxman-Dravid & other pairs

 

Rahul Dravid’s Sir Don Bradman Oration full transcript

 

Erudite enlightening oration that gives glorious insight into Dravid’s pedigree

 

Sachin Tendulkar, Rahul Dravid & Ricky Ponting – the surreal confluence of Test cricket’s greatest run-getters

 

From the ridiculous to the sublime – Dravid’s triumphant ODI career

 

Dravid’s Bradman Oration laced with sparkling humour, insightful wisdom, moving emotion & cold facts

 

Rahul Dravid and Sachin Tendulkar: Who will fill their enormous boots?

 

Complete coverage of Rahul Dravid’s retirement

Pakistan vs Australia in UAE, 2014

Oct 30, 2014 (11:30 IST)   at Abu Dhabi

Sri Lanka tour of India, 2014

Nov 2, 2014 (13:30 IST)   at Cuttack

Zimbabwe tour of Bangladesh, 2014

Nov 3, 2014 (09:00 IST)   at Khulna

South Africa tour of Australia, 2014

Nov 5, 2014 (14:05 IST)   at Adelaide

Sri Lanka tour of India, 2014

Nov 6, 2014 (13:30 IST)   at Ahmedabad

More

West Indies tour of India, 2014

Nov 15, 2014  at Ahmedabad

Match cancelled

West Indies tour of India, 2014

Nov 7, 2014  at Bengaluru

Match cancelled

West Indies tour of India, 2014

Oct 30, 2014  at Hyderabad

Match cancelled

South Africa tour of New Zealand, 2014

Oct 27, 2014  at Hamilton

No result

Zimbabwe tour of Bangladesh, 2014

Oct 25, 2014  at Dhaka

Bangladesh won by 3 wkts

Photos

Pakistan vs Australia, 2nd Test

Videos

Tendulkar provides teaser on upcoming book

Live Cricket Score Duleep Trophy Central Zone vs South Zone, final at Delhi Day 3: Central Zone lead by 111 runs at the end of Day 3

Pakistan vs Australia Live Cricket Score, 2nd Test at Abu Dhabi Day 2

Yuvraj Singh — have we seen the last of the man who won India three World Cups?

Younis Khan continues piling up records for Pakistan

Younis Khan’s ban: why the ICC is justified

Australia Australia tour of UAE 2014 Australia vs Pakistan Australia vs Pakistan 2014 Central Zone Duleep Trophy Duleep Trophy 2014-15 India Pakistan Pakistan vs Australia Pakistan vs Australia 2014 South Zone South Zone vs Central Zone Sri Lanka Sri Lanka tour of India 2014

Pakistan 517/4 against Australia at tea on Day 2 of 2nd Test

Misbah-ul-Haq becomes fifth Test captain to score century after age of 40

Younis Khan completes 5th Test double century; Pakistan continue to dominate Australia in 2nd Test

Duleep Trophy 2014-15 final: Central Zone 214/4 at stumps; lead by 111 runs

Younis Khan completes 8,000 runs in Test cricket

Younis Khan equals Javed Miandad’s record of most 150+ scores by Pakistan batsman

India vs Sri Lanka 2014: Manish Pandey showing signs of fulfilling potential

Yuvraj Singh — have we seen the last of the man who won India three World Cups?

Younis Khan continues piling up records for Pakistan

Mythbusting — the claim that playing for a weaker batting side handicaps a batsman has no basis

Fan of the Day

Niharika Shah

Niharika Shah

678 Posts | 6 Fans

Video Highlights: Younis Khan century during Pakistan vs Australia 1st Test at Dubai

India A vs Sri Lanka: Fringe players look to impress

NGOs pursue education for all

Dance Basanti from Ungli: Put on your dancing shoes and practice the Basanti move!

Weight Loss Tip #59: Eat oranges to lose weight

Sensex surges 150 points in early trade to regain 27,000-mark

PricewaterhouseCoopers partners Google to offer business solutions to clients

Google X Lab working on nanoparticles to help detect diseases early

Priyanka Chopra has the best no make-up selfie on Instagram, think fans!

Lisa Haydon: I slept off midway while watching the original Shaukeen!

International programme in Animal Husbandry

Also on cricketcountry.com

Play Fantasy Cricket & Win

Cash Daily! Click here