Inception: MS Dhoni & Company plant the idea of retirement in the legend’s head - Part 3 of 3

MS Dhoni.

Please note: This is a humorous piece – pure fiction.

In the final stage, we need to pull at His heart-strings. Convey the idea that He is blocking the career of a budding cricketer,” continues coach Duncan Fletcher.

Right, we can set up a scene of Rohit Sharma pleading before God,” suggests R Aswhin.

There is wave of disapproval and vigorous shaking of heads.

Nah, that’ll end up backfiring on us. God’ll think he needs to stay on for some more years for the sake of Indian cricket until a promising replacement turns up. Making way for Rohit Sharma seems like a cruel joke,” says MS Dhoni.

For once, I agree with MS,” says Virender Sehwag.

But who else is a promising replacement? Quite frankly, our bench strength sucks. It’s good for me personally in that there’s no pressure on me despite my pathetic from in recent times,” chuckles Gautam Gambhir.

Suddenly, Dhoni jumps up and starts dancing. “I think I’ve nailed it guys,” he exclaims.

We’ll project Arjun walking up to God and saying ‘Dad, I’m about to break into the team. But there’s only one slot available and it’s yours.’ So you need to hang up your boots, dad, so that I can kickstart my international career.”

The guys nod in approval. “Genius! This will definitely work,” says Sehwag, clapping in approval.

An elated Dhoni high-fives his mates and starts crooning ‘Dhinka chika dhinka chika he he he he

Dhinka Chika Dhinka Chika…”

Honey, are you all right? What’s wrong,” the dulcet voice of Sakshi wakes up Dhoni.

He…where am I? What is this?” Dhoni stammers, shaken out of his slumber. He finds himself in bed in the corner suite of the Taj in Mumbai. It’s a sunny morning. He can see the Gateway of India against the glorious backdrop of the bay.

Darling, it’s been two days since you propelled India to victory in the World Cup. We’ve been partying like crazy since then and you finally crashed yesterday evening. Looks like you’ve had a very bad dream,” Mrs. Dhoni whispers.

Hmm…yeah. I seem to have had this weird dream that after the World Cup, the Indian team’s form slumped. We got whitewashed on overseas tours of Australia and England. I dreamt that our bowling attack is now the worst in the world, barring Bangladesh’s. And our batsmen have averaged only 30.00 in the two years since the World Cup triumph, in company with Sri Lanka, New Zealand, Bangladesh, Zimbabwe. And finally, would you believe that I dreamt we lost to England in Mumbai on a rank turner?

Oh honey, see what happens if you overdo the partying thing. We are not cut out for this kind of stuff. To me, you will always remain the small town boy from Jharkhand that I fell in love with.”
Thanks, darling! Glad it was just a bad nightmare.”

Let me go and make a nice brunch for you to cure your hangover. You stay right here, sweetie.”

Dhoni stretches his arms lazily and grins like a Cheshire cat as Sakshi saunters off to call room service. “Uff..what a horrible nightmare that was. Here I am, leader of the world’s No 1 side, the most successful captain in world cricket with every title under my belt including the World Cup. Ahh…life is good. Must stay grounded in reality, must block out negative, unpleasant thoughts,” he thinks aloud.

The totem continues to spin on the bedside shelf. Interminably…..

(Reproduced with permission from The UnReal Times is one of the top websites for satire, spoof, parody and humour in India.)

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