Please note: This is a humorous piece – pure fiction.
MS Dhoni, uncharacteristically, took charge of the proceedings and read out excerpts from a 10-page document called ‘(De) Tour of South Africa.’ Some of the points raised by the BCCI and the team were as follows:
1) Owing to South Africa’s unexpected rise in Test cricket, we feel it’s only fair to push this tournament far ahead in the future to protect the interests of the India team.
2) Being a responsible board, besides a money-making factory, the BCCI recognises its need to indulge in Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR). To that effect, the BCCI intends to protect the career of a blooming South African spinner named Imran Tahir.
3) Furthermore, MS Dhoni’s failure to reach any of the pitch curators in South Africa via telephone casts a dark shadow of doubt over the credibility and the preparedness of the hosts.
4) In order to ensure that there isn’t too much pressure on the newly appointed selection panel, the board has come to a conclusion that India will only play in the sub-continent for the next two years.
a) This will help Sachin Tendulkar regain his peak form in time for the 2015 World Cup.
5) Coming from an emotional setup, it will be extremely difficult for India to go up against a team that is coached by the man who was responsible for India’s World Cup win last year.
6) India’s poor showing in the Asia Cup last year has prompted the board build a side that will be unbeatable in the next edition.
Srinivasan then addressed the press and promised to distribute the final copies of the entire dossier. Duncan Fletcher, whose role in the Indian management has been questioned by one and all, finally came into action for the first time since India’s fateful tour of England, went around handing out the dossier to everyone present. He then came back and claimed that this decision was a positive one and would help him assess the team and plan for the future development of the side in a fool proof manner.
While the Board said that they were yet to replace the South African tour with another one, speculations are already doing the rounds that Sri Lanka could be the preferred destination. The Board, however, rubbished the rumours and has promised to make confirmed announcements by the end of the ongoing Kolkata Test against England.
(Prakash Govindasreenivasan is an Editorial consultant at CricketCountry and a sports fanatic, with a soft corner for cricket. After studying journalism for two years, came the first big high in his professional life – the opportunity to interview his hero Adam Gilchrist and talking about his magnificent 149 in the 2007 World Cup final. While not following cricket, he is busy rooting for Chelsea FC)