Home > Features > Humour >

India tour of England 2014: ICC to ban last-wicket partnerships

ICC-to-ban-last-wicket-partnerships628
N Srinivasan (centre) is not happy with the latest record-breaking feats from the Indian and England tailenders © Getty Images & PTI

By Ashwin Kumar

Please note this is a humour article — work of pure fiction

After two consecutive massive, match-altering last-wicket partnerships between India’s Bhuvaneshwar Kumar-Mohammad Shami and England’s Joe Root-James Anderson tested the patience of the limited audience that watches Test cricket, the International Cricket Council (ICC) has decided to do away with last-wicket partnerships for the remainder of the ongoing India-England series, on an experimental basis. The number of runs for the last wicket partnership will be decided by the Duckworth-Lewis method.

Aamaa paa, these last wicket partnerships will kill Test cricket. It is ok if the Indian tail wags once in a while. That Test cricket lovers don’t mind since most of them are Indians and it allows them to mouth platitudes like ‘that’s what makes Test cricket so exciting’. But when the England last wicket pair repeats the act, viewers lose interest paa,” ICC Chairman N Srinivasan told The UnReal Times.

Since making more bowler friendly pitches along with DRS is a no-go area, Srinivasan’s proposal found resonance with bowlers in both the teams. “Come on, yaar. You bat for half a day and then realize you’ll have to bowl long spells immediately after that. We’re workhorses, not machines. Srini mama’s idea is very good and I hope it is implemented soon. It’s one thing if you have to bat for hours like Rahul Dravid and then have to bowl like Venkatesh Prasad. I can do that aaraam se, but to bat like Dravid and then bowl like me is just too tough on me,” India’s Mohammad Shami told The UnReal Times.

Anderson seconded Shami’s stand. “I was beginning to feel like Ishant Sharma towards the end of my spell after Bhuvi belted me to cow’s corner repeatedly. I tried to make up for it by tonking a few myself but the psychological damage is done,” the English pacer wailed.

Sources, however, added that the phenomenon could repeat with the likelihood of record eighth-wicket partnerships too. “If it happens regularly, we will invert the line-ups of both teams, so that bowlers get to open the innings and batsmen get to bat last,” Srinivasan said.

(Ashwin Kumar is a humorist with www.theunrealtimes.com where this article was originally published. The UnReal Times is India’s favourite satire, spoof, parody and humour portal)

World T20 League 2014

Oct 2, 2014 (16:00 IST)   at Hyderabad

World T20 League 2014

Oct 2, 2014 (20:00 IST)   at Hyderabad

West Indies tour of India 2014, Practice match

Oct 3, 2014 (09:00 IST)   at Mumbai

Matador BBQs One-Day Cup, 2014

Oct 4, 2014 (05:00 IST)   at Woolloongabba, Brisbane

Matador BBQs One-Day Cup, 2014

Oct 4, 2014 (05:00 IST)   at Brisbane

More

World T20 League 2014

Sep 30, 2014  at Bengaluru

Barbados won by 6 wkts (D/L method)

World T20 League 2014

Sep 30, 2014  at Bengaluru

Perth Scorchers won by 3 wkts

World T20 League 2014

Sep 29, 2014  at Hyderabad

Kolkata Knight Riders won by 36 runs

World T20 League 2014

Sep 28, 2014  at Mohali

Kings XI Punjab won by 7 wkts

World T20 League 2014

Sep 28, 2014  at Mohali

Hobart Hurricanes won by 6 wkts

Photos

Barbados Tridents vs Hobart Hurricanes, CLT20 2014

Videos

Arjuna Ranatunga shares his views on U-19 cricket

CLT20 2014: Lahore Lions vs Perth Scorchers, Match 19, Highlights

Pakistan players would be allowed in IPL soon, hopes Shahryar Khan

Nawaz Sharif’s only First-Class appearance

Ernie Jones — the man who sent a ball through the beard of WG Grace

Top score by a batsman whose teammates scored less than 10 each in a T20

Asian Games Asian Games 2014 Cape Cobras Champions League T20 2014 Chennai Super Kings CLT20 CLT20 2014 Dolphins India at Asian Games 2014 Kings XI Punjab Lahore Lions Perth Scorchers

Asian Games 2014: India’s Sajeesh Joseph 4th in men’s 800

New playing conditions to be seen in Pakistan- Australia series

Sunil Narine will get over this tough phase positively, says West Indies coach Stuart Williams

West Indies have the ability to beat India: Richie Richardson

CLT20 2014 Semi-final 1: Hurricanes confident before KKR match,says Doug Bollinger

Jasprit Bumrah: Sachin Tendulkar giving me my debut cap was my most memorable moment with Mumbai Indians

CLT20 2014: Lahore Lions vs Perth Scorchers, Match 19, Highlights

Nawaz Sharif’s only First-Class appearance

Ernie Jones — the man who sent a ball through the beard of WG Grace

Top score by a batsman whose teammates scored less than 10 each in a T20

Fan of the Day

Niharika Shah

Niharika Shah

671 Posts | 6 Fans

Kolkata Knight Riders vs Kings XI Punjab- Final Match Highlights from IPL 2014

What this bitch is up to?

Director Siddharth Anand dares Bang Bang stars Hrithik Roshan and Katrina Kaif!

Meru Cabs gets Uber’s best feature

Have acne? Drink wine to get rid of it

Alcatel OneTouch Fire C2G Firefox smartphone launched in India, priced at Rs 1,990

Diagnose with Alzheimer’s? What to do when the worst has happened

Aamir Khan completes Hrithik Roshan’s dare – is it lame or smart?

Asian Games 2014 Medal Table: China lead the Medal Tally with 130 gold, India 10th with 7 gold medals

Also on cricketcountry.com

Play Fantasy Cricket & Win

Cash Daily! Click here