Home > Features > Humour >

IPL 2013 crisis: Ravi Shastri, Sunil Gavaskar revolt against Farah Khan-choreographed “Jumping Jepaang”

IPL 2013 crisis: Ravi Shastri, Sunil Gavaskar revolt against Farah Khan-choreographed

Association President Ravi Shastri said that he and his fellow commentators are far too conditioned in their ways and it is unfair and downright unfeasible to expect them to change their commentary style © Getty Images

By UnReal Mama

Please note this is a humour article – work of pure fiction

The sixth edition of the Indian Premier League (IPL) confronts a crisis of monstrously gargantuan proportions. It’s not the sagging Target Rating Points (TRPs) or that the people are already getting bored by the mostly mind-numbing fare on display; it’s something far graver. The Association of IPL presenters, a union that looks out for the interests and wellbeing of IPL commentators, hosts and sundry pretty young things associated with the sporting extravaganza, has refused to substitute ‘DLF maximum’ with ‘Yes Bank maximum’ or have its members embarrass themselves in front of the cameras by dancing to “Jumping Japaak”.

Explain the rationale behind the stand, Association President Ravi Shastri said that he and his fellow commentators are far too conditioned in their ways and it is unfair and downright unfeasible to expect them to change their commentary style for reasons as trivial as the real estate conglomerate ending its sponsorship contract with the Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI).

“It goes beyond mere habituation, man. I’m sentimentally attached to phrases such as ‘DLF Maximum’, ‘Citi Moment of Success’, and ‘Karboon Kamaal Catch’,” cried an emotionally agitated Shastri, “for they now occupy pride of place alongside bromides like ‘tracer bullet’, ‘the fully monty’ and ‘electrifying atmosphere’ in my repertoire of beloved clichés. This is so….just not what the doctor ordered.”

Association Vice-President Sunil Gavaskar, being a true professional who approaches commentary, even if it is of the junk variety, with the same meticulousness as he prepared for Test cricket batting, has no issues with ‘Yes Bank Maximum’ as such, but balked when informed that this year he would have to dance to ‘Jumping Jepaang’ as well.

“It is bad enough that I have to sit through 72 matches of abominable cricket, and now you expect me to shake my body to this as well!” cried the Little Master.

Both the veterans have indicated that though they are contract-bound to toe the BCCI line during commentary they will refuse to budge on this highly emotive issue. “We’ve already sold our souls once to the cricket board, yaar. We can’t keep re-selling it again and again now, can we?” snarled Shastri, hot tears of humiliation streaming down his gaunt face.

IPL commissioner Rajiv Shukla is working overtime to quell the crisis. “There is nothing to worry about. Since we don’t have replacements for Karbon Kamaal and Citi, Ravi can continue to use those clichés in his commentary. Meanwhile, we have admitted him to a rehab program to get him de-addicted from uttering now taboo phrase ‘DLF maximum,” disclosed Shukla.

“As for dancing to “Jumping Jepaang“, I realise it is embarrassing initially, but I assured Sunny bhai [Gavaskar] that it will grow on him over time and soon he won’t be able to get it out of his head. After that Farah Khan will teach him cute steps (sic),” assured Shukla, before catatonically shaking his hips when someone shouted “gile gile up”.

(“Unreal Mama” is the pen name under which CS Krishna and Karthik Laxman, the founding editors of The Unreal Times (www.theunrealtimes.com), write fictional news reports, dressing room conversations and other such articles marrying humour with satire. The Unreal Times is India’s favourite satire, spoof, parody and humour portal)

Zimbabwe Triangular Series, 2014

Aug 29, 2014 (13:00 IST)   at Harare

India tour of England 2014

Aug 30, 2014 (15:00 IST)   at Nottingham

Pakistan tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Aug 30, 2014 (10:00 IST)   at Dambulla

Zimbabwe Triangular Series, 2014

Aug 31, 2014 (13:00 IST)   at Harare

India tour of England 2014

Sep 2, 2014 (15:00 IST)   at Birmingham

More

Zimbabwe Triangular Series, 2014

Aug 27, 2014  at Harare

South Africa won by 7 wkts

Bangladesh Tour of West Indies, 2014

Aug 27, 2014  at Basseterre, St Kitts

No result

India tour of England 2014

Aug 27, 2014  at Cardiff

India won by 133 runs

Pakistan tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Aug 26, 2014  at Hambantota

Sri Lanka won by 77 runs

Zimbabwe Triangular Series, 2014

Aug 25, 2014  at Harare

Australia won by 198 runs

Photos

Don Bradman's ducks

Videos

Mitchell Marsh: This is a big opportunity for me

India vs England Live Cricket Score 2nd ODI at Cardiff: India win by 113 runs by D/L method

Australia vs South Africa Live Cricket Score, Zimbabwe Tri Series 2014 Match 2 at Harare: South Africa win by 7 wickets

Don Bradman and his ducks

India vs England ODI series 2014: Why an Indian win will be surprising

MS Dhoni taking on England in England and BCCI at home!

Australia Australia and South Africa in Zimbabwe 2014 England England vs India England vs India 2014 India India tour of England 2014 India vs England India vs England 2014 Pakistan Pakistan tour of Sri Lanka 2014 Pakistan vs Sri Lanka South Africa Sri Lanka Sri Lanka vs Pakistan Zimbabwe Zimbabwe Triangular Series 2014

Champions League T20 2014: Online sale of tickets begin

Adam Gilchrist ‘apologises’ to Glenn McGrath on Twitter

PCB to discuss ways to help bowlers with suspect action

Michael Hussey calls for stringent measures to prevent illegal bowling actions

Alastair Cook urges England to improve after 133-run defeat against India in 2nd ODI

Ice Bucket Challenge inspires Shane Warne, Andrew Symonds and Salman Butt to come up with innovative ideas!

West Indies vs Bangladesh, only T20I at Basseterre Preview: Hosts will look to maintain clean slate

10 little known facts about Lasith Malinga

AB de Villiers’ ton for South Africa against Australia in Zimbabwe Triangular series 2014 another testament to his place as a modern great

Zimbabwe Triangular Series 2014: Australia vs South Africa, 2nd ODI at Harare Highlights

Fan of the Day

Niharika Shah

Niharika Shah

664 Posts | 6 Fans

Funny cricket video

Adam Gilchrist ‘apologises’ to Glenn McGrath on Twitter

Neetu Singh promotes eco-friendly Ganesha festival!

Goa’s mining belt takes austerity path during Ganesh festival

Need to strengthen e-commerce platform: Sudhanshu Pandey

Two Assam Rifles jawans killed in bomb explosion

NGOs pursue education for all

PCB to discuss ways to help bowlers with suspect action

What is a yeast infection?

Ebola in India: 821 passengers being screened for Ebola

Should Jagjit Singh get the Bharat Ratna?

Also on cricketcountry.com

Play Fantasy Cricket & Win

Cash Daily! Click here