Home > Features > Humour >

IPL 2013 crisis: Ravi Shastri, Sunil Gavaskar revolt against Farah Khan-choreographed “Jumping Jepaang”

IPL 2013 crisis: Ravi Shastri, Sunil Gavaskar revolt against Farah Khan-choreographed

Association President Ravi Shastri said that he and his fellow commentators are far too conditioned in their ways and it is unfair and downright unfeasible to expect them to change their commentary style © Getty Images

By UnReal Mama

Please note this is a humour article – work of pure fiction

The sixth edition of the Indian Premier League (IPL) confronts a crisis of monstrously gargantuan proportions. It’s not the sagging Target Rating Points (TRPs) or that the people are already getting bored by the mostly mind-numbing fare on display; it’s something far graver. The Association of IPL presenters, a union that looks out for the interests and wellbeing of IPL commentators, hosts and sundry pretty young things associated with the sporting extravaganza, has refused to substitute ‘DLF maximum’ with ‘Yes Bank maximum’ or have its members embarrass themselves in front of the cameras by dancing to “Jumping Japaak”.

Explain the rationale behind the stand, Association President Ravi Shastri said that he and his fellow commentators are far too conditioned in their ways and it is unfair and downright unfeasible to expect them to change their commentary style for reasons as trivial as the real estate conglomerate ending its sponsorship contract with the Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI).

“It goes beyond mere habituation, man. I’m sentimentally attached to phrases such as ‘DLF Maximum’, ‘Citi Moment of Success’, and ‘Karboon Kamaal Catch’,” cried an emotionally agitated Shastri, “for they now occupy pride of place alongside bromides like ‘tracer bullet’, ‘the fully monty’ and ‘electrifying atmosphere’ in my repertoire of beloved clichés. This is so….just not what the doctor ordered.”

Association Vice-President Sunil Gavaskar, being a true professional who approaches commentary, even if it is of the junk variety, with the same meticulousness as he prepared for Test cricket batting, has no issues with ‘Yes Bank Maximum’ as such, but balked when informed that this year he would have to dance to ‘Jumping Jepaang’ as well.

“It is bad enough that I have to sit through 72 matches of abominable cricket, and now you expect me to shake my body to this as well!” cried the Little Master.

Both the veterans have indicated that though they are contract-bound to toe the BCCI line during commentary they will refuse to budge on this highly emotive issue. “We’ve already sold our souls once to the cricket board, yaar. We can’t keep re-selling it again and again now, can we?” snarled Shastri, hot tears of humiliation streaming down his gaunt face.

IPL commissioner Rajiv Shukla is working overtime to quell the crisis. “There is nothing to worry about. Since we don’t have replacements for Karbon Kamaal and Citi, Ravi can continue to use those clichés in his commentary. Meanwhile, we have admitted him to a rehab program to get him de-addicted from uttering now taboo phrase ‘DLF maximum,” disclosed Shukla.

“As for dancing to “Jumping Jepaang“, I realise it is embarrassing initially, but I assured Sunny bhai [Gavaskar] that it will grow on him over time and soon he won’t be able to get it out of his head. After that Farah Khan will teach him cute steps (sic),” assured Shukla, before catatonically shaking his hips when someone shouted “gile gile up”.

(“Unreal Mama” is the pen name under which CS Krishna and Karthik Laxman, the founding editors of The Unreal Times (www.theunrealtimes.com), write fictional news reports, dressing room conversations and other such articles marrying humour with satire. The Unreal Times is India’s favourite satire, spoof, parody and humour portal)

West Indies in South Africa, 2014-15

Dec 17, 2014 (14:00 IST)   at Centurion

India tour of Australia, 2014-15

Dec 17, 2014 (05:29 IST)   at Woolloongabba, Brisbane

Pakistan vs New Zealand in UAE, 2014

Dec 19, 2014 (16:30 IST)   at Abu Dhabi

West Indies in South Africa, 2014-15

Dec 26, 2014 (14:00 IST)   at Port Elizabeth

Sri Lanka tour of New Zealand, 2014-15

Dec 26, 2014 (03:30 IST)   at Christchurch

More

Pakistan vs New Zealand in UAE, 2014

Dec 17, 2014  at Abu Dhabi

New Zealand won by 7 runs

England tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Dec 16, 2014  at Colombo

Sri Lanka won by 87 runs

Pakistan vs New Zealand in UAE, 2014

Dec 14, 2014  at Sharjah

Pakistan won by 147 runs

England tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Dec 13, 2014  at Pallekele

Sri Lanka won by 90 runs

Pakistan vs New Zealand in UAE, 2014

Dec 12, 2014  at Sharjah

New Zealand won by 4 wkts

Photos

India vs Australia, 2nd Test at Brisbane

Videos

Josh Hazlewood looks back at his 5-wicket haul

India vs Australia 2nd Test at Brisbane, Day 2: India’s familiar collapse, Umesh Yadav’s heroics and other highlights

South Africa vs West Indies,1st Test, Day 2 at Centurion: South Africa declare at 552 for 5

Australia 221/4 at stumps against India on Day 2 of 2nd Test at Brisbane

Murali Vijay, Ajinkya Rahane guide India to 311/4 against Australia on Day 1 of 1st Test at Brisbane

Australia India Interviews Ishant Sharma Moments in history Ravichandran Ashwin South Africa

Sachin Tendulkar admires swimmer Masudur Rahman Baidya

Stiaan van Zyl becomes first South African batsman to score Test century on debut at home

South Africa vs West Indies 1st Test, at Centurion: Rain forces early end to Day 2

Sachin Tendulkar satisfied with India’s progress in other sports

India vs Australia 2014-15, 2nd Test at Brisbane: India failed to capitalise on good start, says Sunil Gavaskar

India vs Australia 2nd Test at Brisbane: Steven Smith holds key for Australia

Josh Hazlewood’s relentless accuracy and subtle movement against India in 2nd Test at Brisbane augurs well for Australia

South Africa vs West Indies 2014, 1st Test at Centurion: Hashim Amla’s double-century and other statistics

India vs Australia 2nd Test at Brisbane, Day 2: India’s familiar collapse, Umesh Yadav’s heroics and other highlights

Keki Tarapore – India’s manager on the successful West Indies tour of 1971

Fan of the Day

Suraj Gowda

Suraj Gowda

653 Posts | 10 Fans

India vs Australia: Murali Vijay's 144, Video highlights

प्रसिद्ध कथक नृत्यांगना सितारा देवी नहीं रही

More broadband connections to boost GDP growth in Asia Pacific: GSMA

India is becoming our largest overseas market, Xiaomi CEO Lei Jun says

Bigg Boss 8: Ali Quli Mirza, Renee Dhyani, Upen Patel, Praneet Bhatt, Sonali Raut – who should be evicted this week?

Revealed: The reason why Kishore Kumar’s biopic starring Ranbir Kapoor won’t feature Katrina Kaif!

अभिनेत्री प्रियंका चोपड़ा ने स्वच्छ भारत अभियान में हिस्सा लिया

Also on cricketcountry.com

Play Fantasy Cricket & Win

Cash Daily! Click here