Home > Features > Humour >

IPL 2013 – Royal Challengers Bangalore vs Mumbai Indians: Ponting calling Karthik, calling Karthik, calling Karthik!

By Ashwin Kumar

Please note this is a humour article – work of pure fiction

It was billed as a clash between contrasting styles — Venkatesh Prasad urging his protégé to slow it down versus Anil Kumble goading Harbhajan Singh to speed it up; Daniel Christian’s charity versus Chris Gayle’s savagery.

It was all that and much more with India discovering a new slow bowling talent, Jasprit Bumrah, even as Vinay Kumar staked his claim to being hailed as the Devangere Express from his earlier moniker ‘The Devangere Slow Mail’.

In the initial overs of the first innings, Royal Challengers Bangalore’s batting failed to take off just like Kingfisher Airlines (KFA) flights, tweeted Diogeneb. Gayle seemed unusually subdued and disoriented even as wickets fell in heaps around him. Gayle would later clarify why it took him some time to tear into the Mumbai Indians attack:


The inevitable Gayle assault soon came, and the Mumbai Indians bowlers were rendered helpless against his furious onslaught. Harbhajan made a valiant effort, but the closest he came to bothering Gayle was when he collided into the Jamaican attempting to field off his own bowling, injuring the Jamaican’s knee. Unfortunately for Harbhajan and his teammates, this only prompted Gayle to shun running altogether and deal in boundaries.

Thanks to Gayle’s assault in the latter half, RCB went into the second innings with confidence despite having the likes of Vinay Kumar and Jaydev Unadkat in their ranks, with the terrifying (for MI) shadow of coach Venkatesh Prasad behind them.

Sachin Tendulkar and Ricky Ponting started off steadily with both seemingly trying to outdo each other in slowing down the run-rate. Just as Tendulkar began to open up, Ponting, determined to do it for Tendulkar rather than the other way around, ran out God.


It was Dinesh Karthik, and not Rohit Sharma, who walked in, but we’ve never let facts get in the way of a good punchline. Rohit, true to form, played a two-minute cameo, thereby doing his bit to endorse his favourite brand, Maggi two-minute noodles.

With MI under pressure as the asking rate mounted, Christian did his bit to propagate the virtues of Christian charity, which would later earn him both accolades and brick-bats from his team-mates. Even an otherwise pre-occupied Sid Mallya took notice of Christian.

Later, Ravi Shastri, in an exclusive for The Unreal Times, interviewed victorious RCB players in their dressing room:

Ravi Shastri: Excellent game, Virat! What is the mood like, in the dressing room? What is your main takeaway from this?

Virat Kohli (looking hazed): From now on, we’re gonna have Gayle and myself in the batting department, followed by nine bowlers. It won’t make much of a difference to the batting. I can keep wickets.

Ravi then catches up with the giant Jamaican in his dressing room. Five cheerleaders shriek and run out as Shastri gingerly enters.

Ravi Shastri: Chris, excellent game for you, although it went all the way down to the wire! What made you unleash yourself in the middle of the innings?

Chris Gayle: During the strategic timeout, I was given an earphone and made to listen to Laxman Sivaramakrishnan’s commentary …and it irritated me enough to smash every ball outta the park.

Ravi Shastri (completely ignoring what Gayle just said): You’ve started off in style, Chris! Anything you wish that could’ve gone better?

Chris Gayle: Yeah, maan, I’d love it if I get some salary too, for all my efforts.

RCB players abruptly get up from their seats and give Gayle a standing ovation.

Ravi then walks over the MI dressing room where the mood is understandably downbeat.

Ravi Shastri: Well, Ricky… good game, but bad luck?

Ricky Ponting: Well, yeah Ravi. We wanted to do it for Sachin… (shrugs) ..on the bright side, Karthik played really well!

Dinesh Karthik: Thank you Ricky!

Arun Karthik: Thank you Ricky!

Murali Kartik: Thank you Ricky!

Fade out, as Ricky Ponting is seen scratching his head in bewilderment.

(Ashwin Kumar is an untrained musician, singer, writer/blogger, satirist, T Rajendar (pseudo)-fanatic, mimic, passionate about stopping female foeticide. The above article is reproduced with permission from http://www.theunrealtimes.com/, one of the top websites for satire, spoof, parody and humour in India.)

India tour of England 2014

Jul 27, 2014 (15:30 IST)   at Southampton

Pakistan tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Aug 6, 2014 (10:00 IST)   at Galle

India tour of England 2014

Aug 7, 2014 (15:30 IST)   at Manchester

South Africa in Zimbabwe, 2014

Aug 9, 2014 (13:30 IST)   at Harare

Pakistan tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Aug 14, 2014 (10:00 IST)   at Colombo

More

Afghanistan tour of Zimbabwe, 2014

Jul 24, 2014  at Bulawayo

Afghanistan won by 100 runs

South Africa tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Jul 24, 2014  at Colombo

Match drawn

Afghanistan tour of Zimbabwe, 2014

Jul 22, 2014  at Bulawayo

Afghanistan won by 2 wkts

Afghanistan tour of Zimbabwe, 2014

Jul 20, 2014  at Bulawayo

Zimbabwe won by 8 wkts

Afghanistan tour of Zimbabwe, 2014

Jul 18, 2014  at Bulawayo

Zimbabwe won by 6 wkts

Photos

India vs England 2014, 3rd Test

Videos

Shaun Udal on India vs England 3rd Test

South Africa win series against Sri Lanka 1-0 ; move to No 1 in ICC Test rankings

India vs England Live Cricket Score 3rd Test Day 2 at Southampton: India end Day 2 at 25/1, trail by 544 runs

12 little-known facts about Garry Sobers

Pankaj Singh and other Test cricketers from Rajasthan

Mike Griffith: My choice of Mike Gatting as President of MCC was all about timing

Alastair Cook England England vs India England vs India 2014 India India tour of England 2014 India vs England India vs England 2014 South Africa South Africa tour of Sri Lanka 2014 South Africa vs Sri Lanka South Africa vs Sri Lanka 2014 Sri Lanka Sri Lanka vs South Africa Sri Lanka vs South Africa 2014

India vs England 3rd Test at Souhampton: Wicket is easy for batsmen, says Bhuvneshwar Kumar

India vs England 3rd Test at Souhampton: Have been playing well, was frustrating without big score, says Ian Bell

ECB defends Moeen Ali wearing wristbands in support for Gaza

India vs England 2014, 3rd Test at Southampton: Ageas Bowl Day 2 Session 3

India’s many dropped catches at slips against England

Moeen Ali wears ‘Save Gaza’ band: Other cricketers who have made political statements on the field

India vs England 3rd Test at Southampton: Jos Buttler’s blitz, Ian Bell’s century and other highlights from Day 2

India’s many dropped catches at slips against England

South Africa: The fourth innings champions

Sourav Ganguly-Jagmohan Dalmiya saga timeline

Fan of the Day

Fan Cricket

Fan Cricket

11 Posts | 2 Fans

Brazil vs Netherlands, 3rd place Fifa World Cup 2014 match Video Highlights

Prevent Diabetes Tip – get regular health check-ups

Entertainment song Teri Mahima Aprampaar: Udit Narayan’s rendition reminds you of old Akshay Kumar songs!

“F**k You, Xiaomi” – A great price for a great phone isn’t enough if you don’t respect your customers

Rafael to miss rest of Man Utd’s tour of the USA with groin injury

Spotted: Kareena Kapoor in a stunning avatar during Singham Returns promotions!

OnePlus One headed to India: Here’s why it is a flagship killer

Also on cricketcountry.com

Play Fantasy Cricket & Win

Cash Daily! Click here