Home > Features > Humour >

IPL 2013 – Royal Challengers Bangalore vs Mumbai Indians: Ponting calling Karthik, calling Karthik, calling Karthik!

By Ashwin Kumar

Please note this is a humour article – work of pure fiction

It was billed as a clash between contrasting styles — Venkatesh Prasad urging his protégé to slow it down versus Anil Kumble goading Harbhajan Singh to speed it up; Daniel Christian’s charity versus Chris Gayle’s savagery.

It was all that and much more with India discovering a new slow bowling talent, Jasprit Bumrah, even as Vinay Kumar staked his claim to being hailed as the Devangere Express from his earlier moniker ‘The Devangere Slow Mail’.

In the initial overs of the first innings, Royal Challengers Bangalore’s batting failed to take off just like Kingfisher Airlines (KFA) flights, tweeted Diogeneb. Gayle seemed unusually subdued and disoriented even as wickets fell in heaps around him. Gayle would later clarify why it took him some time to tear into the Mumbai Indians attack:


The inevitable Gayle assault soon came, and the Mumbai Indians bowlers were rendered helpless against his furious onslaught. Harbhajan made a valiant effort, but the closest he came to bothering Gayle was when he collided into the Jamaican attempting to field off his own bowling, injuring the Jamaican’s knee. Unfortunately for Harbhajan and his teammates, this only prompted Gayle to shun running altogether and deal in boundaries.

Thanks to Gayle’s assault in the latter half, RCB went into the second innings with confidence despite having the likes of Vinay Kumar and Jaydev Unadkat in their ranks, with the terrifying (for MI) shadow of coach Venkatesh Prasad behind them.

Sachin Tendulkar and Ricky Ponting started off steadily with both seemingly trying to outdo each other in slowing down the run-rate. Just as Tendulkar began to open up, Ponting, determined to do it for Tendulkar rather than the other way around, ran out God.


It was Dinesh Karthik, and not Rohit Sharma, who walked in, but we’ve never let facts get in the way of a good punchline. Rohit, true to form, played a two-minute cameo, thereby doing his bit to endorse his favourite brand, Maggi two-minute noodles.

With MI under pressure as the asking rate mounted, Christian did his bit to propagate the virtues of Christian charity, which would later earn him both accolades and brick-bats from his team-mates. Even an otherwise pre-occupied Sid Mallya took notice of Christian.

Later, Ravi Shastri, in an exclusive for The Unreal Times, interviewed victorious RCB players in their dressing room:

Ravi Shastri: Excellent game, Virat! What is the mood like, in the dressing room? What is your main takeaway from this?

Virat Kohli (looking hazed): From now on, we’re gonna have Gayle and myself in the batting department, followed by nine bowlers. It won’t make much of a difference to the batting. I can keep wickets.

Ravi then catches up with the giant Jamaican in his dressing room. Five cheerleaders shriek and run out as Shastri gingerly enters.

Ravi Shastri: Chris, excellent game for you, although it went all the way down to the wire! What made you unleash yourself in the middle of the innings?

Chris Gayle: During the strategic timeout, I was given an earphone and made to listen to Laxman Sivaramakrishnan’s commentary …and it irritated me enough to smash every ball outta the park.

Ravi Shastri (completely ignoring what Gayle just said): You’ve started off in style, Chris! Anything you wish that could’ve gone better?

Chris Gayle: Yeah, maan, I’d love it if I get some salary too, for all my efforts.

RCB players abruptly get up from their seats and give Gayle a standing ovation.

Ravi then walks over the MI dressing room where the mood is understandably downbeat.

Ravi Shastri: Well, Ricky… good game, but bad luck?

Ricky Ponting: Well, yeah Ravi. We wanted to do it for Sachin… (shrugs) ..on the bright side, Karthik played really well!

Dinesh Karthik: Thank you Ricky!

Arun Karthik: Thank you Ricky!

Murali Kartik: Thank you Ricky!

Fade out, as Ricky Ponting is seen scratching his head in bewilderment.

(Ashwin Kumar is an untrained musician, singer, writer/blogger, satirist, T Rajendar (pseudo)-fanatic, mimic, passionate about stopping female foeticide. The above article is reproduced with permission from http://www.theunrealtimes.com/, one of the top websites for satire, spoof, parody and humour in India.)

Zimbabwe tour of Bangladesh, 2014

Nov 23, 2014 (12:00 IST)   at Chittagong

India tour of Australia 2014, Practice matches

Nov 24, 2014 (05:29 IST)   at Glenelg, Adelaide

Hong Kong tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Nov 24, 2014 (10:00 IST)   at Colombo

Pakistan vs New Zealand in UAE, 2014

Nov 26, 2014 (11:30 IST)   at Sharjah

England tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Nov 26, 2014 (14:30 IST)   at Colombo

More

South Africa tour of Australia, 2014

Nov 23, 2014  at Sydney

Australia won by 2 wkts

Hong Kong tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Nov 22, 2014  at Dambulla

Match abandoned without a ball being bowled

Hong Kong tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Nov 21, 2014  at Dambulla

Match abandoned without a ball being bowled

Zimbabwe tour of Bangladesh, 2014

Nov 21, 2014  at Chittagong

Bangladesh won by 87 runs

South Africa tour of Australia, 2014

Nov 21, 2014  at Melbourne

Australia won by 3 wkts

Photos

Australia vs South Africa, 3rd ODI at Canberra

Videos

SL vs Eng: Buttler practices wicketkeeping in nets

Quinton de Kock’s century in vain as Australia register two wicket win over South Africa

Tamim Iqbal, Anamul Haque register second-highest opening partnership for Bangladesh in ODIs

ICC World Cup 2015: Australia in risk of overkill

Live Cricket Score Bangladesh vs Zimbabwe 2nd ODI at Chittagong: Bangladesh eye comfortable victory

India vs Australia 2014: How crucial are India’s practice games ahead of the first Test?

Australia Australia vs South Africa Australia vs South Africa 2014 Bangladesh Bangladesh vs Zimbabwe Bangladesh vs Zimbabwe 2014 India New Zealand New Zealand vs Pakistan Pakistan Pakistan vs New Zealand South Africa South Africa tour of Australia 2014 South Africa vs Australia South Africa vs Australia 2014 Zimbabwe Zimbabwe tour of Bangladesh 2014

Solomon Mire gets his maiden ODI fifty

India vs Australia 2014: Sourav Ganguly feels 1st Test will have a huge bearing on tour

Bangladesh vs Zimbabwe 2nd ODI at Chittagong: Regis Chakabva and Solomon Mire steady Zimbabwe innings

India tour of Australia 2014-15: Virat Kohli says India well-equipped to deal with Mitchell Johnson

VVS Laxman backs Virat Kohli, Cheteshwar Pujara to come good in Australia

Saeed Ajmal: 99 per cent bowlers will fail 15 degree test

Tamim Iqbal, Anamul Haque register second-highest opening partnership for Bangladesh in ODIs

ICC World Cup 2015: Australia in risk of overkill

Is Dhawal Kulkarni a contender for India’s ICC World Cup 2015 squad?

World Cup 1992: Arjuna Ranatunga masterminds first ever 300-plus ODI chase

Fan of the Day

Niharika Shah

Niharika Shah

681 Posts | 6 Fans

Video Highlights: Virat Kohli vs Australian cricketers

Watch Free Live Streaming & Telecast of Indian Super League (ISL) 2014 Football 37th Match between Kerala Blasters FC vs Atletico de Kolkata

PK Tharki Chokro making: Rancho aka Aamir Khan and Munna Bhai aka Sanjay Dutt shake legs to this folk number

Simbu-Hansika’s Vaalu slated for Christmas release!

Yeh Hai Mohabbatein: Will Raman and Ishita help Mihika with her plans?

Alibaba to launch its Taobao marketplace in international markets: Reuters

8 reasons to add rosemary to your diet

eBay India ‘Black Friday’ sale kicks off today

How many calories do bananas have?

Also on cricketcountry.com

Play Fantasy Cricket & Win

Cash Daily! Click here