Home > Features > Humour >

IPL 2013 – Royal Challengers Bangalore vs Mumbai Indians: Ponting calling Karthik, calling Karthik, calling Karthik!

By Ashwin Kumar

Please note this is a humour article – work of pure fiction

It was billed as a clash between contrasting styles — Venkatesh Prasad urging his protégé to slow it down versus Anil Kumble goading Harbhajan Singh to speed it up; Daniel Christian’s charity versus Chris Gayle’s savagery.

It was all that and much more with India discovering a new slow bowling talent, Jasprit Bumrah, even as Vinay Kumar staked his claim to being hailed as the Devangere Express from his earlier moniker ‘The Devangere Slow Mail’.

In the initial overs of the first innings, Royal Challengers Bangalore’s batting failed to take off just like Kingfisher Airlines (KFA) flights, tweeted Diogeneb. Gayle seemed unusually subdued and disoriented even as wickets fell in heaps around him. Gayle would later clarify why it took him some time to tear into the Mumbai Indians attack:


The inevitable Gayle assault soon came, and the Mumbai Indians bowlers were rendered helpless against his furious onslaught. Harbhajan made a valiant effort, but the closest he came to bothering Gayle was when he collided into the Jamaican attempting to field off his own bowling, injuring the Jamaican’s knee. Unfortunately for Harbhajan and his teammates, this only prompted Gayle to shun running altogether and deal in boundaries.

Thanks to Gayle’s assault in the latter half, RCB went into the second innings with confidence despite having the likes of Vinay Kumar and Jaydev Unadkat in their ranks, with the terrifying (for MI) shadow of coach Venkatesh Prasad behind them.

Sachin Tendulkar and Ricky Ponting started off steadily with both seemingly trying to outdo each other in slowing down the run-rate. Just as Tendulkar began to open up, Ponting, determined to do it for Tendulkar rather than the other way around, ran out God.


It was Dinesh Karthik, and not Rohit Sharma, who walked in, but we’ve never let facts get in the way of a good punchline. Rohit, true to form, played a two-minute cameo, thereby doing his bit to endorse his favourite brand, Maggi two-minute noodles.

With MI under pressure as the asking rate mounted, Christian did his bit to propagate the virtues of Christian charity, which would later earn him both accolades and brick-bats from his team-mates. Even an otherwise pre-occupied Sid Mallya took notice of Christian.

Later, Ravi Shastri, in an exclusive for The Unreal Times, interviewed victorious RCB players in their dressing room:

Ravi Shastri: Excellent game, Virat! What is the mood like, in the dressing room? What is your main takeaway from this?

Virat Kohli (looking hazed): From now on, we’re gonna have Gayle and myself in the batting department, followed by nine bowlers. It won’t make much of a difference to the batting. I can keep wickets.

Ravi then catches up with the giant Jamaican in his dressing room. Five cheerleaders shriek and run out as Shastri gingerly enters.

Ravi Shastri: Chris, excellent game for you, although it went all the way down to the wire! What made you unleash yourself in the middle of the innings?

Chris Gayle: During the strategic timeout, I was given an earphone and made to listen to Laxman Sivaramakrishnan’s commentary …and it irritated me enough to smash every ball outta the park.

Ravi Shastri (completely ignoring what Gayle just said): You’ve started off in style, Chris! Anything you wish that could’ve gone better?

Chris Gayle: Yeah, maan, I’d love it if I get some salary too, for all my efforts.

RCB players abruptly get up from their seats and give Gayle a standing ovation.

Ravi then walks over the MI dressing room where the mood is understandably downbeat.

Ravi Shastri: Well, Ricky… good game, but bad luck?

Ricky Ponting: Well, yeah Ravi. We wanted to do it for Sachin… (shrugs) ..on the bright side, Karthik played really well!

Dinesh Karthik: Thank you Ricky!

Arun Karthik: Thank you Ricky!

Murali Kartik: Thank you Ricky!

Fade out, as Ricky Ponting is seen scratching his head in bewilderment.

(Ashwin Kumar is an untrained musician, singer, writer/blogger, satirist, T Rajendar (pseudo)-fanatic, mimic, passionate about stopping female foeticide. The above article is reproduced with permission from http://www.theunrealtimes.com/, one of the top websites for satire, spoof, parody and humour in India.)

West Indies tour of India, 2014

Oct 20, 2014 (14:30 IST)   at Kolkata

Pakistan vs Australia in UAE, 2014

Oct 22, 2014 (11:30 IST)   at Dubai

West Indies tour of India, 2014

Oct 22, 2014 (19:00 IST)   at Cuttack

Zimbabwe tour of Bangladesh, 2014

Oct 25, 2014 (09:30 IST)   at Dhaka

South Africa tour of New Zealand, 2014

Oct 27, 2014 (03:00 IST)   at Hamilton

More

South Africa tour of New Zealand, 2014

Oct 24, 2014  at Mount Maunganui

South Africa won by 72 runs

South Africa tour of New Zealand, 2014

Oct 21, 2014  at Mount Maunganui

South Africa won by 6 wkts

West Indies tour of India, 2014

Oct 17, 2014  at Dharamsala

India won by 59 runs

West Indies tour of India, 2014

Oct 14, 2014  at Visakhapatnam

Match cancelled

Pakistan vs Australia in UAE, 2014

Oct 12, 2014  at Abu Dhabi

Australia won by 1 run

Photos

Pakistan vs Australia, 1st Test at Dubai

Videos

AB de Villiers praises team after win in 1st ODI

Pakistan hold advantage at stumps on Day 3 of 1st Test against Australia

Asad Shafiq emerges as dependable No 6 for Pakistan

Pakistan vs Australia 2014: Mitchell Johnson shows signs of effectiveness on unhelpful surfaces

South Africa vs New Zealand 2014: Vital for Brendon McCullum to find form quickly

Australia Australia tour of UAE 2014 Australia vs Pakistan Australia vs Pakistan 2014 Duleep Trophy India New Zealand New Zealand vs South Africa New Zealand vs South Africa 2014 Pakistan Pakistan vs Australia Pakistan vs Australia 2014 South Africa South Africa tour of New Zealand 2014 South Africa vs New Zealand South Africa vs New Zealand 2014

India vs Sri Lanka 2014: BCCI awaits Wriddhiman Saha’s fitness report before searching for replacement

Bangladesh vs Zimbabwe 2014, 1st Test at Mirpur: Bangladesh aim to improve Test rank

Duleep Trophy 2014: Central Zone lead by 81 runs as North Zone bowled out for 457

Laxmi Ratan Shukla to lead Bengal in upcoming One-Day series

David Warner feels lucky to have equalled Don Bradman’s record

David Warner’s transformation into a dependable and effervescent batsman

Pakistan vs Australia 2014: Spin hunt continues for visitors

Sarfaraz Ahmed may have trumped the Akmals as Pakistan’s wicketkeeper-batsman across formats

Don Bradman — even if every chance he ever gave in his career was accepted, he would still remain head and shoulders above the others

Len Hutton’s hundred gets reported as illness

Fan of the Day

Suraj Gowda

Suraj Gowda

642 Posts | 9 Fans

Virat Kohli's Family Meets Anushka Sharma

International programme in Animal Husbandry

NGOs pursue education for all

David Warner’s transformation into a dependable and effervescent batsman

BREAKING NEWS: Fire on the sets of Yeh Hai Mohabbatein and Kumkum Bhagya

Real Madrid vs Barcelona Spanish La Liga 2014-15 Preview: Yet another Lionel Messi-Cristiano Ronaldo shootout on the cards in El Clasico

Top Sex Positions: Frog Princess

Google partners Oxford University to teach machines to think

How to make tamarind or imli packs for hair and skin

India vs Sri Lanka 2014: BCCI awaits Wriddhiman Saha’s fitness report before searching for replacement

Nokia turnaround since handset unit sale continues, reports $950 million Q3 net profit

Also on cricketcountry.com

Play Fantasy Cricket & Win

Cash Daily! Click here