By UnReal Mama
Please note this is a humour article – work of pure fiction
Just when people began to think that this was one of the most boring IPL editions ever – even Ravi Shastri was getting tired of hearing his own clichés about how exciting it has been so far while players, cheerleaders, Harsha Bhogle and sundry IPL life forms seemed to be going through the motions – the 6th edition has come alive, and how, with the mother of all scandals:
First, all credit to the Delhi police. Not for cracking the case but for dedication and perseverance:
Delhi police chief, Neeraj Kumar, turned overnight from villain to knight in shining armour, as he briefed the media about the case, starting with a disclaimer:
The police chief went on to reveal how innocuous gestures by players such as tucking or un-tucking a T-shirt, wearing a towel in the pants or rotating a watch would act as signals to bookies. This triggered a spate of denials from players associated with highly unusual on-field behavior:
Kohli and Gambhir too heaved a sigh of relief after Neeraj Kumar said they did not consider MC-BC laced expletives to be signals but normal Delhi behavior.
Needless to say the revelations have left the Rajasthan Royals camp quite shaken, skipper Rahul Dravid in particular. The legendary cricketer is unlikely to take any chances going forward.
The Royals’ owner on the other hand wasn’t all that pissed.
The Delhi chief, in addition to transcripts of phone calls between bookies and the three players, also furnished a transcript of a Google hangout conversation in which ace spot-fixer, Salman Butt, mentored Sreesanth…
…and a chat transcript between Sreesanth and his cousin turned bookie Jiju Janardhan.
If you are wondering why players like Dinda are in the clear, this piece of evidence meticulously gathered by the Delhi police should put your doubts to rest:
Meanwhile, BCCI head-honchos and the official BCCI spokesperson swung into damage control mode. Sharad Pawar stared into the cameras and thundered that there will be zero tolerance for corruption
BCCI President, N Srinivasan, who bears a striking resemblance to a fat cat…
…also did his bit to assure sponsors, franchise owners, players, and last and the least, cricket fans:
Unfortunately for Srinivasan and hardcore cricket fans, the situation can only get worse, as the investigation is expected to take its natural course. Rajasthan Royals may not face any further shocks, as the police has already cleared Shaun Tait. Mumbai might not be that lucky though.
If you think this is the biggest crisis to have rocked Indian cricket, think again: Ace film-maker, Ram Gopal Varma, of ‘RGV ki Aag’ fame, has announced his intention to make a movie on the IPL spot-fixing scandal, tentatively titled ‘Fix’. (Sreesanth-bookie chat transcript referenced from a Ramesh Srivats tweet)
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(Originally published in www.theunrealtimes.com. “Unreal Mama” is the pen name of CS Krishna & Karthik Laxman, founding editors of the site which is India’s favourite satire, spoof, parody and humour portal)