Please note this is a humour article – work of pure fiction
Royal Challengers Bangalore’s (RCB) cup of joy continues to spill over. Chuffed up by managing to choke their way to victory, RCB’s hopes of lifting the trophy this season got a major boost with Venkatesh Prasad — with former Team India bowler and RCB bowling coach — making a comeback, replacing RP Singh in the squad. At 43, this makes Prasad the oldest and by far the slowest of the fast bowlers in the league.
“Age is in the mind, not in the body. And who says 43 is too old an age, to play cricket?” reasoned the bowling legend, one of the best practitioners of the slower ball right after a slow ball. “Besides, come what may, I’m sure I can bowl much better than RP Singh.”
The decision has been welcomed by everyone in the RCB camp with former skipper Daniel Vettori raving, “Oh mate, I tell ya, this is just great stuff. Myself, Muralitharan, Kartik, Syed Mohammad and now Venkatesh Prasad himself! It’s great to have him join us and adding to the team’s spin skill, with his trademark slower deliveries and their even slower leg-cutter variations. RCB’s spin attack looks very strong now.”
The news has delighted pacers Jaydev Unadkat and Vinay Kumar too, with the latter saying, “Dude, I bowl consistently at 120kmps and occasionally at 130 kmph. Imagine myself and Prasad bowling in tandem. When a batsman faces him in the previous over and then I in the next over, he’ll feel like he’s facing Shoaib Akhtar or Brett Lee! It’s amazing to have this kind of variety in our bowling attack.”
Indian Premier League (IPL) pundits opine that with age Prasad would have only got slower, and therefore more lethal. “And it’s not just slower over-rates but the sheer ennui of having to face six delivers with exponentially decaying pace that could completely upset the batting team’s rhythm and tempo,” observed Harsha Bhogle. Prasad’s proteges such as Munaf Patel and Ashish Nehra also hailed the move, saying it would be a great honour and privilege to bowl alongside their master.
Mumbai Indians have drafted in Anil Kumble to bolster their fast bowling stocks following the RCB move. “We’ll counter RCB’s now all too obvious strength in slow bowling with pace and bounce with Anil leading from the front with his top spinners,” revealed their head coach, John Wright.
Following this news, rumour mills are abuzz that Pakistani cricketer Aamir Sohail has approached former team-mate and Kings XI Punjab all-rounder Azhar Mahmood for help in obtaining a British Passport with the intention of playing in the IPL. “Time to settle some old scores, Azhar bhai,” Sohail reportedly remarked.
(Ashwin Kumar is an untrained musician, singer, writer/blogger, satirist, T Rajendar (pseudo)-fanatic, mimic, passionate about stopping female foeticide.The above article is reproduced with permission from http://www.theunrealtimes.com/, one of the top websites for satire, spoof, parody and humour in India.)