Please note this is a humour article – work of pure fiction
By Humjee Break-Sheikh
Of course, a day at Indian Premier League (IPL) auctions is not about numbers. One can only wonder what must have been going through the minds of the various people present in the room and the cricketers following it. Vernon Philander, for example, went wicket-less after the sides simply refused to buy him. Tillakaratne Dilshan, on the other hand, scored a duck.
Of course, this is not an article based on probably psychology of the cricketers involved. This is just a recollection of the random thoughts that might have gone through the mind of the viewers throughout the day.
- Dinesh Karthik has been sold at INR 12.5 crores. The next wicketkeeper on the list, Brendon McCullum (the highest run-getter in the shortest format one must remember), was sold for INR 3.25 crores.
- Karthik will be a teammate of Murali Vijay. #JustSaying #NoGossip
- Morne Morkel may have to open bowling with Vinay Kumar. Mitchell Johnson, with Lakshmipathy Balaji.
- Jean-Paul Duminy and Nathan Coulter-Nile were the only ones with hyphenated names who were purchased today.
- Gary Kirsten was at a table when Herschelle Gibbs’s name came up.
- MS Dhoni would be leading Faf du Plessis and Brendon McCullum — the captains of the two teams that have bashed India this season.
- Stephen Fleming knew of, remembered, and purchased Matt Henry.
- Hemang Badani, Rikki Clarke, Wasim Jaffer, and Simon Jones were on the auction as well, as were Imran Tahir (for INR one crore) and Samit Patel (for double the price of Tahir).
- Nobody laughed when Jade Dernbach’s name was announced.
- The nearest thing Kolkata Knight Riders (KKR) has to a specialist wicketkeeper is Robin Uthappa.
- The world was suddenly reminded of Danza Hyatt.
- There were three rejected Pereras today — Kusal Janith, Angelo, and Dilruwan. This means that Thisara, the only one of the lot to be selected, won the battle of the Pereras.
- Praveen Kumar was rejected. Again.
(Humjee Break-Sheikh eats, drinks, breathes and lives cricket. Unfortunately, he does not believe in social media.)
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