Ishant Sharma believes he can provide the impetus to India's bowling to be able to give their batsmen a considerable target to chase down © Getty Images
Ishant Sharma believes he can provide the impetus to India’s bowling © Getty Images


By UnReal Mama


Please note this is a humour article – work of pure fiction


Cometh the hour, cometh the man. Ishant Sharma has been re-inducted into Team India at the behest of its batsmen. The lanky pacer’s absence from the squad in the ongoing ICC World T20 2014 has been sorely felt, what with the Indian bowlers restricting the opposition to sub-par scores in the 130s, and even bagging ‘man of the match’ awards. This has not gone down well with the batsmen who want Ishant back in the squad so that the natural order can be restored.


The situation is so fraught that some batsmen like Suresh Raina are on the verge of depression. These Bangladeshi pitches are to the likes of Raina what a vegetable garden full of carrots is to a rabbit but Amit Mishra & co have spoiled the southpaw’s party. “Besharm ki tarah bowling kar rahen hain $%#$% @#$ [Bowling shamelessly],” Raina wailed to The UnReal Times.



Ace commentator Ravi Shastri too is missing Ishant. “My use of ‘that’s gone like a tracer bullet’ and ‘this could go down to the wire’ has come down by 80% in matches involving India, man,” the great man bemoaned. “How long can I keep plugging in ‘important phase of play’ when I have nothing important to say which is the case most of the time? Bringing Ishant back will be just what the….I mean it will be good for the game.”


Even skipper Mahendra Singh Dhoni’s spirits are down. “I tried my best to take yesterday’s game against Bangladesh to the last ball,” he noted wistfully, “before getting bored and finishing things with a spectacularly ugly slog. Really miss lambu, yaar.”


ICC World T20 2014 schedule: Match time table with venue details


ICC World T20 2014 Points Table and Team Standings


Ishant was vacationing in the Bahamas when he received the SOS and is all set to join the squad for the last of the league matches against Australia. The Indian team is planning a huge ‘welcome back’ party for the lanky pacer. “I know exactly what is expected of me and I am confident of delivering,” a jubilant Ishant told The UnReal Times, enroute to Bangladesh.


(Originally published in www.theunrealtimes.comUnreal Mama” is the pen name of CS Krishna & Karthik Laxman, founding editors of the site which is India’s favourite satire, spoof, parody and humour portal.)