If the fanatical attack by fans on social media wasn't enough, Maria Sharapova has been issued an arrest warrant © Getty Images
If the fanatical attack by fans on social media wasn’t enough, Maria Sharapova has been issued an arrest warrant © Getty Images

By Ashwin Kumar

Please note this is a humour article — work of pure fiction

Barely a week after ordering an arrest warrant against Indian captain Mahendra Singh Dhoni for hurting religious sentiments by appearing on the cover of a magazine as a blue skinned Lord Vishnu with various brands in his many hands, an Andhra Pradesh court has now taken suo moto cognizance of Maria’s Sharapova’s statement “Who is Sachin Tendulkar?” and slapped an arrest warrant against her, on similar grounds.

“In case of Dhoni, his appearance on the cover of the magazine hurt sentiments of some Hindus, but Sharapova’s offence is much more grave and is of the highest levels of blasphemy — she has hurt the religious sentiments of a billion Indians and millions of cricket lovers all over the world, all of them being devotees of God..err..Sachin Tendulkar. She deserves to stand trial and should not be given bail,” the court noted.

“We could’ve pardoned her, had she said something like ‘Of course, I know Sachin Tendulkar, but I haven’t seen much of him playing’, or something like that. But straight-away saying that she doesn’t know who he is, is blasphemy of the highest order,” the court ruled. The court’s order has received support from beyond the border too, with many Pakistan clerics demanding that Sharapova be jailed immediately. JuD’s Hafiz Saeed said even he is not this insensitive when making provocative statements against India and castigated the Russian Tennis player.

Sharapova has also been severely chastised by India’s strongly feminist journalists like Sagarika Ghose. “Hurting sentiments of a few Hindus is ok, yaa; they’re all communal after all, but doing the same for millions of secular lovers of the game is just not done!” Sagarika tweeted. India’s Nobel-laureate Amartya Sen also mentioned that he wasn’t in favor of the remark and would allow Sharapova to languish behind bars.

Condemnation is also pouring in from around the globe. President Obama deplored the abysmal awareness levels of Russians like Sharapova, noting even a red neck American knows who the God of cricket is. The Ministry of External Affairs has issued a demarche to the Russian Ambassador where Sushma Swaraj is expected to give him an earful. Sushma has already blocked Sharapova on Twitter, in protest.

Sources added that jail doors and walls in Andhra Pradesh are being reworked in anticipation of accommodating Maria. “She can easily scream and grunt her way out of jail otherwise, dude, by cracking jail rods and walls,” said a jailor.

(Ashwin Kumar is a humorist with www.theunrealtimes.com where this article was originally published. The UnReal Times is India’s favourite satire, spoof, parody and humour portal)