Home > Features > Humour >

Mayan calendar and Sachin Tendulkar — a new revelation!

Mayan calendar and Sachin Tendulkar — a new revelation!

The world will end only when Sachin Tendulkar retires, according to a Mayan expert © Getty Images

Please note: This is a humorous piece – pure fiction.

It is not the end of the world — not yet. Mayan experts say that doomsday is not on Friday, even as some brace for the worst. No, it isn’t because their calendar — which ends December 21, 2012 — was misinterpreted, but because Sachin Tendulkar hasn’t announced his retirement yet!

Speaking on condition of anonymity, a leading Mayan expert and an avid cricket fan told this writer, “Our ancestors didn’t see this one coming. They thought that Sachin would announce his retirement after a poor showing against England. That is when they settled on the date 21/12/2012. However, like he has done throughout his career, he continues to defy the critics, even those that were born centuries before him. The poor form happened, but the retirement didn’t.”

When pointed out that the fourth Test between India and England ended on December 17, the expert said, “Our ancestors gave the extra four days for India to recover from the shock. They didn’t want millions of people to face two catastrophes at once.”

All of this was surprising considering the fact that the Mayan civilisation existed centuries before cricket was even played. How did they foresee a player like Sachin Tendulkar? The Mayan expert had a simple explanation for this, “People who don’t follow cricket know Sachin. The Mayans were no different.”

On the other side of the planet, Ajinkya Rahane and Manoj Tiwary were seen performing rituals at a supposed “Mayan temple” in India. When quizzed, they said, “We are doing it for our respective Test debuts, which don’t look likely until Sachin retires.”

Suresh Raina was seen praying for a shield that protects him from chin music. Well, of course, captain Mahendra Singh Dhoni was also present and he was praying for the return of the good old days.

However, the cricketers were foxed by mistaken identity. They actually landed up at a Mayawati Park in Uttar Pradesh amid number of statues while searching for the Mayan Temple! The players did find the ‘Mayan calendar’, but the calendar ended the day the Bahujan Samaj Party (BSP) lost the UP elections. Only later did the cricketers realise that it was the Maya calendar and not the Mayan calendar!

With the real Mayan calendar ending on December 21, 2012 and the world still safe, the obvious question is: “When is the world actually ending?”

The expert was cynical and said, “Sachin has the right to decide what he wants. Nobody can tell him when to go. He has earned that right for himself.”

The Mayan expert was then told that he was asked about the end of the world and not the end of Tendulkar’s international career.

The Mayan expert replied: “I know. That’s what I answered! We Mayans know that the world will end when Sachin retires; there is very little point of life continuing after that. But when he will retire is something even we don’t know!”

(Nishad Pai Vaidya is a Correspondent with CricketCountry and an analyst, anchor and voice-over artist for the site’s YouTube Channel. He shot to fame by spotting a wrong replay during IPL4 which resulted in Sachin Tendulkar’s dismissal. His insights on the game have come in for high praise from cerebral former cricketers. He has also participated on live TV talk-shows on cricket. Nishad can be followed on Twitter at http://twitter.com/nishad_44)

Pakistan vs Australia in UAE, 2014

Oct 30, 2014 (11:30 IST)   at Abu Dhabi

Sri Lanka tour of India, 2014

Nov 2, 2014 (14:30 IST)   at Cuttack

Zimbabwe tour of Bangladesh, 2014

Nov 3, 2014 (09:00 IST)   at Khulna

South Africa tour of Australia, 2014

Nov 5, 2014 (14:05 IST)   at Adelaide

Sri Lanka tour of India, 2014

Nov 6, 2014 (14:30 IST)   at Ahmedabad

More

West Indies tour of India, 2014

Nov 15, 2014  at Ahmedabad

Match cancelled

West Indies tour of India, 2014

Nov 7, 2014  at Bengaluru

Match cancelled

West Indies tour of India, 2014

Oct 30, 2014  at Hyderabad

Match cancelled

South Africa tour of New Zealand, 2014

Oct 27, 2014  at Hamilton

No result

Zimbabwe tour of Bangladesh, 2014

Oct 25, 2014  at Dhaka

Bangladesh won by 3 wkts

Photos

Pakistan vs Australia, 2nd Test

Videos

Tendulkar provides teaser on upcoming book

Live Cricket Score Duleep Trophy Central Zone vs South Zone, final at Delhi Day 3: Jalaj Saxena brings up half-century

Live Cricket Score Pakistan vs Australia, 2nd Test at Abu Dhabi Day 2

Yuvraj Singh — have we seen the last of the man who won India three World Cups?

Younis Khan continues piling up records for Pakistan

Younis Khan’s ban: why the ICC is justified

Australia Australia tour of UAE 2014 Australia vs Pakistan Australia vs Pakistan 2014 Central Zone Duleep Trophy Duleep Trophy 2014-15 India Pakistan Pakistan vs Australia Pakistan vs Australia 2014 South Zone South Zone vs Central Zone Sri Lanka Sri Lanka tour of India 2014

Jesse Ryder claims he still has the passion to represent New Zealand in the ICC World Cup 2015

Pakistan vs Australia 2014: Allan Border claims Michael Clarke’s field setting ‘against spirit of cricket’

Pakistan vs Australia 2014: David Warner to keep wickets after Brad Haddin injures shoulder

Duleep Trophy 2014-15 final: Ali Murtaza, Piyush Chawla restrict South Zone to 379; Central trail by 35 runs at lunch

Jesse Ryder gets World Cup 2015 lifeline; picked for New Zealand A squad to tour UAE

Yuvraj Singh — have we seen the last of the man who won India three World Cups?

Younis Khan continues piling up records for Pakistan

Mythbusting — the claim that playing for a weaker batting side handicaps a batsman has no basis

Younis Khan’s ban: why the ICC is justified

KL Rahul could be opening option for India’s tour to Australia

Fan of the Day

Niharika Shah

Niharika Shah

678 Posts | 6 Fans

Video Highlights: Younis Khan century during Pakistan vs Australia 1st Test at Dubai

India A vs Sri Lanka: Fringe players look to impress

NGOs pursue education for all

Dance Basanti from Ungli: Put on your dancing shoes and practice the Basanti move!

Weight Loss Tip #59: Eat oranges to lose weight

Sensex surges 150 points in early trade to regain 27,000-mark

PricewaterhouseCoopers partners Google to offer business solutions to clients

Google X Lab working on nanoparticles to help detect diseases early

Priyanka Chopra has the best no make-up selfie on Instagram, think fans!

Lisa Haydon: I slept off midway while watching the original Shaukeen!

International programme in Animal Husbandry

Also on cricketcountry.com

Play Fantasy Cricket & Win

Cash Daily! Click here