Home > Features > Humour >

Mindboggling glimpse of how cricket will be in the year 2030!

Humour: Mindboggling glimpse of how cricket will be in the year 2030!

Ravi Shastri in year 2030.

Please note: This is a humorous piece – pure fiction.

It’s the 2030 World Cup final. It’s India versus Pakistan at the Mecca of Indian cricket, Eden Gardens. The stadiums are packed to the hilt, and the noise is deafening.

 

The spectators are enjoying themselves thoroughly. The evening’s entertainment begins on a cracking note, with an acrobatic performance by cheerleaders, followed by a stand-up comedy show with laughter track by Navjot Singh Sidhu. That’s followed by a tap dance performance, a puppet show and various sundry performances. The three-hour programme ends with the spectators going wild as Shah Rukh Khan dances on stage with Aaradhya Bachchan.

 

The camera pans to the commentators of the day, a bald Ravi Shastri and a very old Ian Chappell sitting hunched in a wheelchair.

 

“Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to Eden Gardens! The atmosphere is electrifying; the crowd is on its feet. Looks like we are going to have a cracker of a match on our hands, Ian?”

 

Ian doesn’t respond, prompting Shastri to nudge him.

 

“Oh my God, Ian, are you…,” blurts Ravi. 
 

Chappell wakes up with a jolt, startling Ravi out of his wits. The Aussie reaches into his bag, brings out a set of dentures and fits them into his mouth.

 

“Still alive,” he grumbles.

 

“Thank God,” sighs Ravi. “I was just saying, wonderful day for cricket, eh?”

 

“Absolutely,” concurs Chappell. “India versus Pakistan in the final of a World Cup! What a wonderful advertisement it is for this format, mate! One-day cricket seems like a distant memory, and Test cricket seems like it was played in the Biblical age. Hell, I can’t even remember when I last saw a T20!”

 

As the commentators continue their pre-match banter, the camera pans to the Indian dugout. Sachin Tendulkar and his son Arjun Tendulkar are seen padded up, both warming up with a bit of spot jogging, before going on to adjust their respective crotch guards in traditional Tendulkar fashion. The rest of the Indian players are seen stretching and doing short sprints.

 

“He’s still going strong, isn’t he?” says Chappell, as the camera remains focused on Tendulkar. “What a champion! Forty years of international cricket and his love for the game is still as strong as ever.”

 

“Absolutely, Chappell,” purrs Shastri. “I was speaking to him this morning, and asked him what kept him going when there’s so much talk and insinuation about his retirement. He told me that playing for the country was his childhood dream, and he’s living it.”

 

The camera now shifts to the Pakistani dugout, where the players are charging themselves up emotionally for the match. Shahid Afridi, who is now 23, is busy shouting words of encouragement to his team-mates.

 

“They have done well to reach so far Ravi,” says Ian. “But history is against them, and they are yet to open their account against India in World Cup tournaments. That must weigh heavily on their minds.”

 

“They have got the talent, but do they have the big-match temperament? It would all depend on how well they handle the nerves,” says Shastri.

 

At this point, one player each from the Indian and Pakistani dugout walks towards the centre.

 

“Okay, here we go guys,” says Shastri. “The captains are out on the field and are walking towards the centre from their respective dugouts. Game on!”

 

The captains’ walk to the centre is played on the big screen, in live, slow motion, super slo-mo and super-duper slo-mo modes. While the Pakistani captain walks out aggressively to, the Indian captain follows him at a distance, head bowed and shoulders slumped. At this, a section of the crowd gets up to make its way towards the exit.

 

“The Indian captain’s body language does not inspire confidence. Pakistan has already established a stranglehold on this game, Ian,” says Shastri. 
 

Ian doesn’t respond. 
 

Shastri turns to him and finds that Chappell has, yet again, gone back to sleep.

 

At the centre, match referee Javagal Srinath, is seen talking to the two captains.

 

Javagal Srinath flips the coin.

 

“The Pakistani captain seems upbeat, whereas the match referee can barely hear the Indian captain’s answers. Pakistan has all but won this game. It would take a miracle for the Indians to get back from this.”

 

“Here we go! The match referee has flipped the coin… and the Indian captain has called it Heads… Has he called it right?… Has he done it for the team?… Every pair of eyes in the stadium on the airborne coin now… Every spectator at the edge of his or her seat…This game has gone down all the way to the wire…This is the moment we have been waiting for… this is what cricket is all about…”

 

“…AND IT IS HEADS!!!” roars Shastri.

 

The partisan crowd erupts. The Indian players rush onto the ground towards their captain and envelop him in a bear hug. The Pakistani captain, however, looks shattered and looks on despondently at his team-mates.

 

“What a comeback! What a comeback by the Indians! The Indian captain has truly played a captain’s knock, one that would be remembered for ages to come!” screams Shastri.

 

After a team huddle, the Indian players shake hands with the Pakistani players, and mutter words of consolation.  A few minutes later the Indian players go on a victory lap around the ground, waving the Indian flag, and acknowledging the support of the crowd. Arjun Tendulkar walks with Sachin Tendulkar on his shoulders.

 

“He has lifted me on his shoulders all my childhood, it was time I lifted him on mine,” says Arjun solemnly to a cameraperson.

 

The camera pans back to Shastri.

 

“Ladies and gentlemen, what a game we have had!” exults Shastri breathlessly. “20 artists have performed, 20 ex-players have given one-on-one interviews on the side to hot television anchors, 400 ads have been sneaked in. At the end of it all, cricket is still the real winner!”

 

“That, ladies and gentlemen, is the final word from Eden Gardens. Once again, congratulations India, the champions of the inaugural edition of the T-0 World Cup. Back to the studio.”

 

(Reproduced with permission from http://www.theunrealtimes.com/. The UnReal Times is one of the top websites for satire, spoof, parody and humour in India)

 

India tour of England 2014

Sep 2, 2014 (15:00 IST)   at Birmingham

Zimbabwe Triangular Series, 2014

Sep 2, 2014 (13:00 IST)   at Harare

Zimbabwe Triangular Series, 2014

Sep 4, 2014 (13:00 IST)   at Harare

India tour of England 2014

Sep 5, 2014 (15:00 IST)   at Leeds

Bangladesh Tour of West Indies, 2014

Sep 5, 2014 (19:30 IST)   at Kingstown, St Vincent

More

Zimbabwe Triangular Series, 2014

Aug 31, 2014  at Harare

Zimbabwe won by 3 wkts

Pakistan tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Aug 30, 2014  at Dambulla

SL won by 7 wkts (D/L method)

India tour of England 2014

Aug 30, 2014  at Nottingham

India won by 6 wkts

Zimbabwe Triangular Series, 2014

Aug 29, 2014  at Harare

South Africa won by 61 runs

Zimbabwe Triangular Series, 2014

Aug 27, 2014  at Harare

South Africa won by 7 wkts

Photos

Australia vs Zimbabwe, ODI tri-series at Harare

Videos

Misbah disppointed with Pakistan's performance

Australia’s losses to minnows in limited-overs cricket

India tour of England 2014: Who is Jason Roy?

Zimbabwe’s 12 most memorable victories in international cricket

Zimbabwe vs Australia, 4th ODI: Highlights

Elton Chigumbura-Prosper Utseya partnership takes Zimbabwe to historic win over Australia

Australia Australia and South Africa in Zimbabwe 2014 Australia vs Zimbabwe England England vs India England vs India 2014 India India tour of England 2014 India vs England India vs England 2014 Pakistan South Africa Zimbabwe Zimbabwe Triangular Series 2014 Zimbabwe vs Australia

Sourav Ganguly: England have mental block playing spinners

BCCI official: Tough for board to host Annual General Meeting this month

Javed Miandad, Abdul Qadir question mindset of Pakistan players

Aditya Verma: Happy with Supreme Court’s decision not to reinstate N Srinivasan as BCCI president

Misbah-ul-Haq shouldn’t lead Pakistan any more, feel former players

Myth busting – Ranji, CB Fry, Sussex and the fertile mind of Neville Cardus

Duncan Fletcher’s heroics and Zimbabwe’s first win over Australia

Archie MacLaren’s amateurs fell Warwick Armstrong’s mighty Australians in one of cricket’s greatest fairytales

David Bairstow: A champion claimed by depression

Should Michael Clarke cut down on playing time ahead of ICC World Cup 2015?

Fan of the Day

Niharika Shah

Niharika Shah

668 Posts | 6 Fans

Yuvraj Singh's ton against MCC

Sony SmartWatch 3 and SmartBand Talk leaked ahead of September 4 launch

Motorola Moto G successor will also be called Moto G, leaked photo from Flipkart warehouse suggests

Revealed: Celebs you might see in Salman Khan’s Bigg Boss 8

BCCI official: Tough for board to host Annual General Meeting this month

NGOs pursue education for all

Shah Rukh Khan to start shooting for Fan and Raees next year!

Fifty BJP MPs stage dharna against UP government

Xiaomi Redmi 1S on flash sale on Sept 2, will Flipkart crash once again?

How to plan a home birth

9 blood cancer signs and symptoms you should know

Also on cricketcountry.com

Play Fantasy Cricket & Win

Cash Daily! Click here