After being clueless about how to fix India's bowling woes, MS Dhoni (extreme left) has finally found the answer in the 1947 partition © Getty Images
After being clueless about how to fix India’s bowling woes, MS Dhoni (extreme left) has finally found the answer in the 1947 partition © Getty Images

 

By UnReal Mama

 

Please note this is a humour article – work of pure fiction

 

Having run out of excuses for his bowlers’ failures, Mahendra Singh Dhoni finally blamed the Partition and the Radcliffe line which carved out Pakistan from British India for Team India’s perennial bowling woes.

 

“How come Pakistan manages to produce a factory line of quality swing bowlers and spinners? Why is Pakistan blessed with Mohammad Irfan while India has to make do with Irfan Pathan? Why is Anil Kumble India’s fastest bowler to date?” Dhoni wondered in a rhetorical vein and then proceeded to provide the answer: “The culprit obviously is Sir Cyril Radcliffe for having drawn the border in such an insidious manner as to leave all the best bowling stock with the other side.”

 

Dhoni was especially scathing of Cyril Radcliffe’s decision to award Lahore to Pakistan. “Despite having a population that was 50% Sikh or Hindu, we lost Lahore and Imran Khan to them, having to settle for makeshift all-rounder cum playboys like Ravi Shastri,” Dhoni lamented. “So I have requested Srini sir [BCCI president N Srinivasan] to look into redrawing  India’s map in addition to organizing a quick three-Test, five One-Day International (ODI) series with the West Indies.”

 

However, the Pakistan Cricket Board countered Dhoni saying Partition cut both ways. “We may have retained Imran Khan but lost out on the services of Sir Ravindra Jadeja,” PCB chairman, Zaka Ashraf, observed wistfully. “And believe me, you chaps have no idea how unsettling it is for Pakistan cricket fans when Rameez Raja comes on air.”

 

(Originally published in www.theunrealtimes.com“Unreal Mama” is the pen name of CS Krishna & Karthik Laxman, founding editors of the site which is India’s favourite satire, spoof, parody and humour portal)