Home > Features > Humour >

MS Dhoni demands pacy pitches for the remaining India-England series

MS Dhoni demands pacy pitches for the remaining India-England series

MS Dhoni now wants wickets that offer pace and bounce on all five days © PTI

Please note: This is a humorous piece – pure fiction.

In a quick volte-face that has confounded cricket observers across the country and elsewhere, India cricket captain Mahendra Singh Dhoni has said that the curators should prepare pitches that have pace and bounce, and ensure that adequate amount of grass is left on the wicket.
 
“I would like to say that we must have wickets that offer pace and bounce on all the five days of the Test match, as pace bowling is our strength,” declared Dhoni.
 
Reminded that he had asked for a rank turner where the ball would turn from day one at the start of the ongoing home series against England, a livid Dhoni waxed eloquent, “Yes that was my earlier demand. However, having seen that Monty (Panesar) and (Graeme) Swann used the spin-friendly pitch better than our own spinners in the second Test match, I believe that it is time for us to change the strategy for the remainder of the series. If you had observed closely you would have noticed that our pacemen Umesh Yadav and Zaheer Khan bowled better than the English speedsters in the first Test. So that is where our strength lies.”
 
“Our pace bowlers bowled really well. Zaheer Khan put in a lot of effort, and we saw Umesh bowling really quick in the first Test. And we have a few more quality tearaways awaiting their chance to have a go at the English batsmen,” Dhoni further added, refusing however to name them when asked.
 
The Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI) has come out in support of Dhoni’s demand and directed the state associations to prepare pitches that assist pace bowling for the remaining two Tests, T20s, and ODIs against England.
 
Former India captain and batting great Dilip Vengsarkar also backed Dhoni: “It’s up to the home team and they should get the advantage. They must play to their strength and Dhoni feels that Umesh and Zaheer are his strengths,” said Vengsarkar.
 
However, Dhoni’s demand for quick pitches came in for some sharp criticism from former Australian captain Steve Waugh.
 
“Dhoni’s comments this morning were really negative to the game. You can’t ask the curators to doctor pitches in absolutely different ways every two matches. That’s not the way we Aussies play the game,” Waugh said during the India-Australia Innovative Forum in New Delhi.
 
“When you want to be aggressive and the best in the world, you got to take all the conditions and not always ask for conditions that suit your in-form bowlers. I was a bit surprised by Dhoni’s sudden about-turn,” opined Waugh.
 
“I captained the side for 57 games and never once had a word with the curator about what sort of pitch we are going to play,” Waugh said, adding that the Australian curators never needed to be told what kind of pitches would give the home team an edge over their opponents. “They did it on their own and it always suited our style,” he said with a grin.
 
Meanwhile, the curator of the pitch at Eden Gardens, Kolkata, where the third Test match between India and England is scheduled to be held from December 5, has said that Alastair Cook and his fellow English batsmen would find the Eden Gardens pitch too hot to handle. “It was not an easy task to change the pitch, a traditional turner, into one of the quickest wickets in so short a time. But when your team captain and board ask for it, you just go and do it,” said a beaming curator.
 
It is also reliably learnt that the Indian selectors have decided to drop Pragyan Ojha, R. Ashwin, and Harbhajan Singh and instead include Ishant Sharma, Munaf Patel, and Irfan Pathan in the squad for the remaining two Test matches which are expected to have pitches that assist pace, bounce, and sideways movement.
 
(Venkatesan Iyengar was a speedster who could swing the ball both ways. He captained his school team at the zonal and district levels. His boyhood dream was to open the bowling for Team India in the august company of his idol Kapil Dev. Even today the sight of Kapil makes him nostalgic)

India tour of Australia 2014, Practice matches

Nov 24, 2014 (05:29 IST)   at Glenelg, Adelaide

Pakistan vs New Zealand in UAE, 2014

Nov 26, 2014 (11:30 IST)   at Sharjah

England tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Nov 26, 2014 (14:30 IST)   at Colombo

Zimbabwe tour of Bangladesh, 2014

Nov 26, 2014 (12:00 IST)   at Dhaka

India tour of Australia 2014, Practice matches

Nov 28, 2014 (05:29 IST)   at Adelaide

More

Hong Kong tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Nov 24, 2014  at Colombo

Hong Kong won by 2 wkts

Zimbabwe tour of Bangladesh, 2014

Nov 23, 2014  at Chittagong

Bangladesh won by 68 runs

South Africa tour of Australia, 2014

Nov 23, 2014  at Sydney

Australia won by 2 wickets (D/L method)

Hong Kong tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Nov 22, 2014  at Dambulla

Match abandoned without a ball being bowled

Zimbabwe tour of Bangladesh, 2014

Nov 21, 2014  at Chittagong

Bangladesh won by 87 runs

Photos

Australia vs South Africa 2014, 5th ODI at Sydney

Videos

AB de Villiers: Disappointed with defeat in Australia

Cricket Australia’s marketing gimmick strips umpires of their independence

Live Updates: IPL 2013 spot-fixing and betting scandal hearing in Supreme Court: BCCI is killing the game, says Supreme Court

Australia’s top form in ODIs: Early warning for teams heading to ICC World Cup 2015

Myth Busting — did Sachin Tendulkar’s rate of scoring become slower in the second half of his career?

Rohit Sharma, Suresh Raina in interesting tussle ahead of India’s Test series against Australia

Australia Australia vs South Africa Australia vs South Africa 2014 Bangladesh Bangladesh vs Zimbabwe Bangladesh vs Zimbabwe 2014 India Pakistan South Africa South Africa tour of Australia 2014 South Africa vs Australia South Africa vs Australia 2014 Zimbabwe Zimbabwe tour of Bangladesh 2014 Zimbabwe vs Bangladesh Zimbabwe vs Bangladesh 2014

India Women vs South Africa Women 2014: Chloe Tryon’s half-century earns Proteas two-wicket win in 1st ODI

Australia vs India 2014: Michael Clarke could miss 1st Test if he is unable to start running by November 26

N Srinivasan makes quick visit to Padmanabhaswamy temple

Ranji Trophy 2014-15: Jharkhand announce probables

Steven Finn inspired by Ashes 2013 flop show

IPL 2013 spot-fixing controversy: N Srinivasan increasingly cornered by Supreme Court’s observations

India vs Australia 2014: Are India as bad overseas as they are made out to be?

Cricket Australia’s marketing gimmick strips umpires of their independence

Australia’s top form in ODIs: Early warning for teams heading to ICC World Cup 2015

Myth Busting — did Sachin Tendulkar’s rate of scoring become slower in the second half of his career?

Fan of the Day

Niharika Shah

Niharika Shah

681 Posts | 6 Fans

Video Highlights: Virat Kohli vs Australian cricketers

Bigg Boss 8: Friendships are tested as Upen, Sonali, Ali, Renee and Praneet bear the brunt on Day 64!

More broadband connections to boost GDP growth in Asia Pacific: GSMA

Here’s why Shahid Kapoor is the perfect find for the Magadheera remake!

Champions Tennis League: Mumbai Tennis Masters sign off with win over Punjab Marshalls in group stage

लारा दत्ता ने फिटनेस प्रेमियों के लिए नया ऐप लांच किया

4 signs you have vitamin K deficiency

Composers Salim and Sulaiman Wow Crowds in San Jose

India is becoming our largest overseas market, Xiaomi CEO Lei Jun says

Also on cricketcountry.com

Play Fantasy Cricket & Win

Cash Daily! Click here