Please note: This is a humorous piece – pure fiction.
By Amrut Thobbi
Samajwadi Party (SP) chief Mulayam Singh Yadav stunned the Lok Sabha by taking a U-Turn on the Foreign Direct Investment (FDI) issue by abstaining from the ‘FDI voting’ in Parliament, which was contrary to his earlier vehement opposition. By quickly changing colours like a chameleon, Mulayam might have drawn the ire of the opposition party, but he has impressed the Indian selectors and the team management, who have included him as the third spinner for the fourth Test match at Nagpur against England as the third spinner.
A source close to the Indian selection panel revealed that the selectors are mighty impressed by Mulayam’s deceptive abilities. “We thought Ravichandran Ashwin and Pragyan Ojha would be sufficient to cast magic their spell on the English spinners but it seems that the visitors were well prepared for the conventional Indian spin. We feel it’s time to think out of the box and do something different for the final Test match. Irrespective of the outcome of the ongoing Kolkata Test match, we are sure to include Mulayamji in the team as our trump card and hope he leaves Alastair Cook and Co. ‘spell-bound’ with his U-Turn.”
When reporters quizzed Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI) spokesperson and parliamentarian Rajiv Shukla on the possibility of including the politician in the Indian team, he said: “All I have to say is that we live in a democracy. If cricketers can become politicians, then politicians can play cricket as well.”
After India’s futile attempts to get Alastair Cook out on the second day of the third Test match, the Indian captain MS Dhoni too gave his stamp of approval over the move in hope of some miracle in the final Test. A source close to the Indian team said that Dhoni may not have received a pitch at the Eden Gardens that turns 90 degrees from Day One, but he is now confident that with Mulayamji in the team, who can turn the ball in a U-curve, he will not need a rank turner!
Meanwhile Australian spin legend Shane Warne, who earlier brushed aside the rumours of his comeback to international cricket found inspiration in Mulayam’s possible entry into cricket. “Mate, if something like that can happen in India, why can’t I play the Ashes? I am definitely making a comeback now,” he said.
Many political pundits feel the move by the Indian selectors will definitely turn out to be a masterstroke. A political analyst said, “Mulayamji has the ability to turn the entire political scenario upside down. For him, getting Cook and Co. out with his U-Turn won’t be a big issue. Watch out for the Indian version of the ‘ball of the century’!”
When asked about the logic of a politician taking field against professional cricketers, the analyst guffawed, “A team of a ‘Kohli’ (fisherman), a ‘Gautam’ Buddha, a God (SRT), a ‘Yuvraj’ (Prince), and these days, a Pujara (Clergyman) is not good enough to beat a team led by a ‘Cook’! Then there is no harm in giving the seasoned politician a chance.”
Success or not, the selection of the 73-year old Mulayam might be a sigh of relief for fans of the ageing Sachin Tendulkar, for no one would now ask for his retirement just because he is ‘too old’!
(Amrut Thobbi, an engineering graduate and a Masters in Communication & Journalism, is an ardent cricket fan who likes to write spoofs. His passion for writing inspired him to give up a sales and marketing job, which he does not regret. He has also worked as a freelance writer in education and technology sectors. He can be followed on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/amrut.