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Pakistan protests in unison for Kamran Akmal

Kamran Akmal © Getty Images
Kamran Akmal used to drop things even during his childhood days © Getty Images

Please note this is a humour article – work of pure fiction

Pakistan erupted in unison to support Kamran Akmal when he was not allowed to meet his brother Umar after the latter had been arrested. Abhishek Mukherjee investigates into the reasons for the nationwide protest.

It was a dark day for the Akmals. It had started off with Umar Akmal (usually referred to as The Man with the Green Lips) violating a signal near Gulberg’s Firdous Market in Lahore. When stopped by the traffic warden, Umar had apparently grabbed him by his neck and had ripped his uniform apart.

It was then that the protests had started: As a fan said, “He [Umar] is too polite a person to have taken a policeman hands-on; why, he had even been polite to the Zimbabweans when he had last played a Test — which was about two-and-a-half years ago. How can he take on a man of the law? It must have been the policeman’s fault!”

As soon as he got to know of the proceedings, Big Brother (as his brothers Adnan Akmal and Umar typically refer to Kamran Akmal at home) rushed to the rescue of his brother, who had been taken into police custody. Unfortunately, when Kamran reached the police station he was not allowed to meet Umar.

As word spread around the nation the Pakistanis reacted. Karachi and Lahore, Islamabad and Sialkot, Faisalabad and Peshawar all responded in unison. In response to the hostile protest launched by the Pakistan public, the Government responded with the words: “One can never be sure in these troubled times. What if Kamran had smuggled in arms or explosives, and the brethren had set off another act of terrorism triggered by some external agency?”

The public exploded (not literally: these are not the explosives the Government was talking about) as these words were aired on PTV. “You cannot accuse, or even dream of something like this: how can someone in their right frame of mind ask Kamran to carry anything safely?”

Adnan, the third of the brethren, agreed: “Kamran-Bhai always dropped things. In our childhood he used to drop me and Umar all the time — which is why ammi used to protect us from him. He was happy when she gave him a cricket ball to play with. The habit of dropping things did not stop: he used to drop the ball once every two or three minutes, but at least we would be safe.”

“He had tried a career in fast bowling. He had the pace and the attitude, but he had decided to switch career after dropping the ball twelve times during his run-up. The coach had advised him to switch roles,” said Adnan. “Both Umar and I could have become fast bowlers as well, but Kamran-Bhai would have been hurt. We could not have done that.”

The Pakistani cricket fans have maintained that there will be demonstrations all over the country till Kamran is allowed to meet Umar. They had been carrying banners, but unlike other demonstrations they kept dropping them during the processions as a respect to Kamran.

(Abhishek Mukherjee is the Deputy Editor and Cricket Historian at CricketCountry. He blogs at http://ovshake.blogspot.in and can be followed on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/ovshake42)


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