President Barack Obama lauds Ashish Nehra!
By UnReal Mama
Please note this is a humour article – work of pure fiction
Ashish Nehra might not have done his team any favors with his wayward bowling in Tuesday’s match but has done not just his franchise or country but the entire world proud by drawing the attention of life forms in others planets.
Een as he was being flayed by Mumbai Indians batsmen, a grinning Nehra unwittingly ensured that his flashing teeth transmitted powerful light-rays into outer space and made the Earth appear as a distinct, bright speck in the Milky Way.
“At first we thought it was a new star and immediately telescoped our giant satellite onto it,” disclosed Kr-El, an astronomer from the Planet Upandu, one of the first to make contact with Earth. “But upon closer inspection, we changed our assessment and classified it as a planet. As we further zoomed in, we could see a small red coloured ball orbiting this planet which we thought was its moon. And when we further magnified the image, we couldn’t contain our excitement; it was a new anthropomorphic life form with pearly white dentures!” the extra-terrestrial babbled in excitement. Soon Earth was being bombarded with greetings from other corners of the Milky Way and even the neighboring Andromeda Galaxy.
Nehra has been duly feted by human scientists for bringing our planet to the Universe’s attention and helping make contact with life forms in other planetary systems. “What our powerful spaceships couldn’t do, what billions of dollars of space exploration couldn’t do, Nehra has done. He is indeed a true star,” raved President Obama, taking care to sport dark shades while pinning the ‘Star of America’ medal on a smiling Nehra.
In addition to impressing mankind, the Delhi Daredevils speedster has also won accolades from the Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI) and the Indian Premier League (IPL) franchise owners after he generously agreed to use his teeth to illuminate the stadium during night matches. Not only will this ingenious innovation cut costs but bring in additional carbon credit revenues, a veritable life-line for cash-strapped owners such as Vijay Mallya, the owner of Royal Challengers Bangalore.
For this, Nehra has been duly conferred with the Star Nayi Soch Award as well as an affectionate hug from Preity Zinta.
(“Unreal Mama” is the pen name under which CS Krishna and Karthik Laxman, the founding editors of The Unreal Times (www.theunrealtimes.com), write fictional news reports, dressing room conversations and other such articles marrying humour with satire. The Unreal Times is India’s favourite satire, spoof, parody and humour portal)