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Satire: IIT student invents programming language that uses Shastri’s cliches

Satire: IIT student invents programming language that uses Shastri's cliches

Ravi Shastri has now been immortalised in programming code.

Balaji Rangachari, a 3rd year student at IIT-Madras, has created a new programming language that might revolutionise the software industry as we know it. The programming language, named ‘C-Shastri’ by the young IITian, uses cricket commentator Ravi Shastri’s cliches as syntax for complex programming constructs.

 

Bajali’s innovation promises to make coding far more pleasurable while ramping up efficiency of programmers. Addressing a group of programmers and technology evangelists at Microsoft India office in Hyderabad, Balaji demonstrated various keywords and constructs in C-Shastri to a rapt crowd that hung on to his every word. “C-Shastri will make programming a lot more interesting and will bring to your daily job the excitement of a riveting cricket match. Work in a software company will never be the same again,” he exclaimed, triggering rapturous applause and wolf-whistles in the room.

 

Balaji credits Ravi’s computer like intellect for his invention. “Ravi’s artificial intelligence is awesome.  His CPU, I mean brain, maps the play with the appropriate cliché using a matching algorithm and the great man proceeds to verbalize it for the benefit of viewers. That’s when I realised why not create a computer language out of it.”

 

Balaji later revealed to The UnReal Times some of the keywords and expressions in C-Shastri for common programming constructs. For instance, the simple print statement in C-Shastri would be represented by “Flash-and-flash-hard()”. The main() section that programmers might recognize in a C program would be identified as “News-from-the-center()” in C-Shastri, and the classical Do-While loop is represented in C-Shastri by the equally classical “Do{ } Just-what-the-doctor-ordered”. A simple Hello World program in C-Shastri would be written as follows,

 

News-from-the-center()
{
Flash-and-flash-hard(“Hello World”);
}

 

C-Shastri has already received a thumbs-up from Infosys founder Narayan Murthy. “To my mind, C-Shastri seems to be the answer to reduce employee attrition and improve productivity. And given that everyone at Infosys anyway browses Cricinfo or watches live streams of matches instead of coding, we might save a ton of money in training these guys in C-Shastri. Will ask my MD to adopt C-Shastri pronto,” said the software mogul to The UnReal Times.

 

For the benefit of our readers from Software Industry, The UnReal Times reproduces, with Balaji’s permission, a set of C-Shastri keywords for traditional programming constructs.

 

Program Element

C-Shastri Syntax

Main ()

News-from-the-center()

Print ()

Flash-and-flash-hard()

If-Then-Elseif-Else

At-this-stage-all-3-results-are-possible

Do { }While

Do {} Just-what-the-doctor-ordered

Infinite loop

Give-it-the-kitchen-sink

Break (or any exit loop) statement

Take-the-aerial-route

Assigning value of X to Y

Y gave X the full monty

Defining a variable (eg: integer x)

AAAND….x is TAKEN!

X++

X is doing it in singles

X = X + 2

X is running hard for the 2nd

X = X + 4

X is dealing in boundaries here

End Statement

In the end, cricket is the winner

 

Balaji plans to further develop the language under the principles of free and open source software collaboration. However, new constructs and modifications will have to be approved by Ravi.

 

(Reproduced with permission from http://www.theunrealtimes.com/. The UnReal Times is one of the top websites for satire, spoof, parody and humour in India)

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