Indian fans even trolled Maria Sharapoval’s official Facebook page after her comment that she didn’t know Sachin Tendulkar Photo Courtsey: Maria Sharapova’s official Instagram page
By Ashwin Kumar
Please note this is a humour article — work of pure fiction
The ill-effects of Maria Sharapova’s ignorance of Sachin Tendulkar, the God of cricket, only seem to increase, with search engine giant Google reporting a sharp plummet in searches for the Russian tennis sensation’s hot pictures online.
“We’re blown away. Earlier, every night, from India and many other countries with a huge Indian population, we’d get millions and millions of search queries like ‘Maria Sharapova hot pics,’ ‘Maria Sharapova bikini pictures,’ ‘Maria Sharapova swimsuit,’ ‘Maria Sharapova sexy,’ and so on, but for the last few days, such search terms have declined considerably. Her ignorance of the master blaster seems to have infuriated millions of Indians to the point that they’ve even stopped ogling at her or fantasizing about her,” Google CEO Larry Page told The UnReal Times.
“Oh, and there has been a spike in the search results for Anna Kournikova’s pictures, but it’s a very small spike. Searches for Kournikova’s pics have plummeted overall, after the Anna Hazare movement began. Our f***ed up algorithm sometimes returns Anna Hazare’s photos to those who search for Anna Kournikova’s! Naturally, many users get very pissed off,” Page added.
The UnReal Times also spoke to a few die-hard Tendulkar fans, who confessed to have totally stopped searching for spicy pictures of the long-legged lass. “Dude, we may be porn-addicts, we may have strong urges every day, but they’re not entirely irresistible! How dare she not know the God of cricket? How dare she ask who Sachin Tendulkar is? There’s no way in hell I’m gonna, well…enjoy myself staring at her pictures from now on! She doesn’t deserve my..err…focused thought!” said Aila Shakti, a die-hard Tendulkar fan.
“Exactly, I may be a horny teenager, but before that, I’m a Sachinist! To hell with Maria!” echoed another.
“Yeah! I don’t want to look at her spicy pictures offline too, so I’m even gonna cancel my Times of India subscription,” said a third.
The trend has however left Google founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin a little worried. “We’ve kinda realised how overtly dependent Google is on a few personalities. Tomorrow, what if Sunny Leone says she doesn’t know Sachin Tendulkar? Google will practically have NO traffic from India! That’s like billions of $ gone in one go!” a worried Brin said.
(Ashwin Kumar is a humorist with www.theunrealtimes.com where this article was originally published. The UnReal Times is India’s favourite satire, spoof, parody and humour portal)