Home > Features > Humour >

US presidential election candidates Barack Obama, Mitt Romney speak with TV anchor Ravi Shastri!

Humour: US presidential election candidates Barack Obama, Mitt Romney speak with TV anchor Ravi Shastri!

On Unreal Times TV – Ravi Shastri (left) and Barrack Obama. Photoshopped picture by Indrajit Jore.

 

Please note: This is a humorous piece – pure fiction.

While news television channels all over the world had a field day, thanks to an absolutely air-tight race between US Presidential candidates Barack Obama and Mitt RomneyThe UnReal Times was blessed with none other than cricket commentating legend Ravi Shastri, who offered to report the US election fever exclusively for us in our studio, with columnist Ashwin Kumar.

 

The UnReal Times extends its heartfelt thanks and expresses its heartfelt appreciation to the professionalism of Ravi to meticulously cover the elections, despite allegedly being in the midst of a personal crisis.
 

Ravi Shastri (RS): Ladies and gentlemen, good morning and welcome to the US Presidential elections coverage with The UnReal Times. It’s a wonderful day for elections – bright sunshine, lush, green outfield. Good morning, Ashwin!
 

Ashwin Kumar (AK): Thank you, Ravi. Well, madness all over, isn’t it?
 

RS: Absolutely, Ashwin! The atmosphere is electric, the noise is deafening, the spectators are on their feet. Hoping to see a cracker of a contest.

AK: Very true, Ravi. So, what do you reckon – Barack or Mitt?

RS: Barack Obama is a cool customer, loads of experience. He has a lot of tricks up his sleeve. He knows exactly where the boundary lines are, whereas Romney’s new at the center. He’ll take his time to get his eye in.

AK: Hold on, Ravi, we have breaking news that Romney has made a sweep in over 4-5 states, which puts him on the lead. Right now, with us on call, none other than President Obama himself. Good evening, Mr. President !

Barack Obama (BO): Hello folks, how’re you all doing?

RS: Excellent, Barack! First of all, things haven’t been looking great on your side. What is the mood like in the party room?

 

BO:  I’ve said before, that undoing previously caused damage doesn’t happen in a fortnight. It does take time and I’m sure it will happen in due course.

RS: Any changes in your side?
 

BO: Change is happening, and it should continue to and it will continue to. Yes, we can!

RS: Have a good one, Barack!

BO: Thanks, Ravi!

AK: He sounds confident, doesn’t he?

RS: Absolutely, Ashwin! So, change doing the trick here for Barack. He’s giving himself plenty of room and playing on the rise.

AK: Romney seems to have put on a slightly bad face after all his gaffes. What do you think?

RS: That’s where the experience comes in, Ashwin. Barack is using the face of the opponent, finding the gap, picking his spot and going the full monty.

(Obama calls back)

BO: What the hell was that? Are you trying to say I went naked?

RS: No Barack, I meant that you’ve taken Romney to the cleaners.

 

BO: What! I got him naked?

RS: Oh no! You’ve given him the kitchen sink!

BO: Good Lord, whatever that is!

RS: It’s just what the doctor ordered, Barack.

BO: Aaargh! I need to see a doctor! Bye!
 

(Hangs up)

AK: Going ahead, Ravi, so what do you think Barack has to do?
 

RS: He’s just got to play his natural game, Ashwin. But I feel one factor which could bring Romney closer to the masses is if he could travel by road or rail, unlike Barack, who loves to take the aerial route. Wonderful use of the feet!
 

AK: Excellent point, Ravi. We have more sets of results coming in. Obama’s closing in on Romney with victories in California, Chicago and other states.
 

RS: Ashwin, I just get the feeling that this one could go all the way down to the wire.

AK: Wow! More results and Obama has taken a marginal lead!

RS: Well, those states went to Obama’s court faster than a tracer bullet!

AK: Gosh! Romney’s fighting back – he’s won in Arizona, Louisana and more states! Well, Ravi, what do you say?

RS: Well, at this stage, all four results are possible.

AK: We have with us, none other than Republican candidate Mitt Romney. Hello, Mr Romney!

Mitt Romney (MR): Hello, folks! It feels great to be talking to the respected Times of India.
 

AK: Err… thank you, Sir. But we’re not The Times of India, we’re The UnReal Times, although they’re pretty good as us too, in providing news that never exists! Anyway, over to you, Ravi.
 

RS: Tough luck, MR?

MR: Too early to say that. I’m hoping to get support from the Indian community here. They’re a bunch of wonderful people.
 

RS: Excellent, MR! This leads me to another question: Have you tasted Indian curry?

Romney: (hangs up)

AK: Err… he disconnected at the speed of knots. Wow! Another state with close competition. Barack has the edge, whose victory will this state be?

RS: Edged … and taken!

AK: Another one coming up, this one looks like Obama all the way! He’s got it!

RS: Right in the blockhole!

AK: Here’s the final result ..and …OBAMA WINS!!!

RS: AND OHIO IS TAKEN!!! OBAMA IS THE NEXT PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. The timing is exquisite. The end result the same… consecutive victories for Barack.

AK: Time for the presentation ceremony, Ravi.

RS: Ladies and gentlemen, it has been a fabulous day here for politics. Over 31 million votes, over 50 states have voted, over 365 days of non-stop campaigning and in the end, it is only fair to say …aaah screw this political sh*t ! The game of cricket is forever the winner!

 

(Walks out of the studio ..fade out )

 

(Ashwin Kumar is an untrained musician, singer, writer/blogger, satirist, T Rajendar (pseudo)-fanatic, mimic, passionate about stopping female foeticide)
 
(Reproduced with permission from http://www.theunrealtimes.com/. The UnReal Times is one of the top websites for satire, spoof, parody and humour in India.)

World T20 League 2014

Oct 2, 2014 (16:00 IST)   at Hyderabad

World T20 League 2014

Oct 2, 2014 (20:00 IST)   at Hyderabad

West Indies tour of India 2014, Practice match

Oct 3, 2014 (09:00 IST)   at Mumbai

Matador BBQs One-Day Cup, 2014

Oct 4, 2014 (05:00 IST)   at Woolloongabba, Brisbane

Matador BBQs One-Day Cup, 2014

Oct 4, 2014 (05:00 IST)   at Brisbane

More

World T20 League 2014

Sep 30, 2014  at Bengaluru

Barbados won by 6 wkts (D/L method)

World T20 League 2014

Sep 30, 2014  at Bengaluru

Perth Scorchers won by 3 wkts

World T20 League 2014

Sep 29, 2014  at Hyderabad

Kolkata Knight Riders won by 36 runs

World T20 League 2014

Sep 28, 2014  at Mohali

Kings XI Punjab won by 7 wkts

World T20 League 2014

Sep 28, 2014  at Mohali

Hobart Hurricanes won by 6 wkts

Photos

KKR vs Dolphins, CLT20 2014

Videos

Arjuna Ranatunga shares his views on U-19 cricket

Live Cricket Score Kolkata Knight Riders (KKR) vs Hobart Hurricanes CLT20 2014 1st semi-final: KKR make good start

Kolkata Knight Riders vs Hobart Hurricanes, 1st Semi final, CLT20 2014: Hobart likely XI

Kings XI Punjab vs Chennai Super Kings, 2nd Semifinal, CLT20 2014: CSK likely XI

Gandhi Jayanti: Mahatma Gandhi’s cricket connections and an XI

Kings XI Punjab (KXIP) vs Chennai Super Kings (CSK), 2nd Semifinal, CLT20 2014: KXIP likely XI

Asian Games Asian Games 2014 Barbados Tridents Cape Cobras Champions League T20 2014 CLT20 CLT20 2014 Dolphins Hobart Hurricanes India at Asian Games 2014 Kings XI Punjab Kolkata Knight Riders

CLT20 2014: Gautam Gambhir dismissed by Doug Bollinger

CLT20 2014: Robin Uthappa stars run-chase well against Hobart Hurricanes

India A take on West Indies in warm-up tie

CLT20 2014: Shoaib Malik helps Hobart Hurricanes score 140/6 against Kolkata Knight Riders in semi-final

KKR vs Hobart Hurricanes CLT20 2014 2nd semi-final: Hobart lose way against spinners

Chennai Super Kings (CSK) vs Kings XI Punjab (KXIP), CLT20 2014 2nd semi-final: Key battles

Australia’s ODI team faces a dilemma for the first time in 30 years

Kolkata Knight Riders vs Hobart Hurricanes, 1st Semi final, CLT20 2014: Hobart likely XI

Kings XI Punjab vs Chennai Super Kings, 2nd Semifinal, CLT20 2014: CSK likely XI

Gandhi Jayanti: Mahatma Gandhi’s cricket connections and an XI

Fan of the Day

Niharika Shah

Niharika Shah

671 Posts | 6 Fans

Kolkata Knight Riders vs Kings XI Punjab- Final Match Highlights from IPL 2014

Tabu hosts a special screening of Haider for friends – View pics!

Uddhav Thackeray: BJP broke ties as it knew Shiv Sena won’t let it divide Maharashtra

FDI in telecom jumps to $2.33 billion in April-July

Oilseed called ‘Gold of Pleasure’ may boost liver detoxification

India A take on West Indies in warm-up tie

Bigg Boss 8: Sonali Raut’s re-entry in the house upsets Salman Khan?

NGOs pursue education for all

iPhone 6 selling at starting price of about Rs 56,000 in India

Boko Haram leader dismisses claims of his death in new video

International programme in Animal Husbandry

Also on cricketcountry.com

Play Fantasy Cricket & Win

Cash Daily! Click here