Home > Features > Humour >

Virat Kohli: Indian team building bridges as ambassadors of the game

Virat Kohli © Getty Images
Virat Kohli was proud of the way Indian team lost narrowly to Pakistan © Getty Images

By CS Krishna

Please note this is a humour article – work of pure fiction

Beleaguered stand-in skipper Virat Kohli said he is very proud of his boys for going down narrowly to arch-rivals to prolong a losing streak since the South African tour. Kohli claimed that the Indian team is doing its bit to win the hearts and minds of the cricket boards and public of other cricket nations to make up for the Board of Control for Cricket in India’s (BCCI) domineering ways which has fuelled a lot of resentment.

“Look, we are ambassadors of the game first and foremost,” Kohli said at the post-match press conference. “That means we need to exert India’s soft power, by giving non-Indian cricket fans moments to savour. Hate to use a Ravi Shashtri cliché, but in the end, cricket is the winner as a result of such gentlemanly and sporting behavior. The BCCI may be seen as a bully, but in contrast we are viewed as sweet, charitable people by others.”

Kohli said after the losses to South Africa and New Zealand, it was important to build bridges with Sri Lanka and Pakistan as well. “Did you check the social media to see what nice things Pakistani cricket fans were saying after the game? That is why more such sporting ties can bring our nations closer. In many ways, the Indian team’s approach to our Asian neighbors is an extension of the UPA’s [United Progressive Alliance] foreign policy,” the Delhi lad pointed out. “I hear the UPA government is doing a lot of humanitarian work in Afghanistan. The Indian team will try to complement that on the field as well,” the stand-in skipper noted about the team’s next match.

Kohli also sought to dispel the notion that he resorts to profanities on the field. “I actually say, ‘May God bless you, my dear’ and other such benign things to opponents. Just that I say it with such passion that some people misconstrue it.”

When asked about the heartburn of losing to Pakistan, Kohli turned philosophical. “It’s a zero sum game, yaar. Their joy is proportional to our grief so as whole there is no change. One way to cope with a narrow loss to Pakistan is to put yourself in the shoes of a Pakistani fan and vicariously partake in his ecstasy,” Kohli mused.

(CS Krishna, with Karthik Laxman, is the co-founder of www.theunrealtimes.com, where this article was originally published. The Unreal Times is India’s favourite satire, spoof, parody and humour portal where Krishna and Karthik jointly write under the pseudonym of UnReal Mama)

West Indies tour of India, 2014

Oct 20, 2014 (14:30 IST)   at Kolkata

Pakistan vs Australia in UAE, 2014

Oct 22, 2014 (11:30 IST)   at Dubai

West Indies tour of India, 2014

Oct 22, 2014 (19:00 IST)   at Cuttack

South Africa tour of New Zealand, 2014

Oct 24, 2014 (03:00 IST)   at Mount Maunganui

Zimbabwe tour of Bangladesh, 2014

Oct 25, 2014 (09:00 IST)   at Dhaka


South Africa tour of New Zealand, 2014

Oct 21, 2014  at Mount Maunganui

South Africa won by 6 wkts

West Indies tour of India, 2014

Oct 17, 2014  at Dharamsala

India won by 59 runs

West Indies tour of India, 2014

Oct 14, 2014  at Visakhapatnam

Match cancelled

Pakistan vs Australia in UAE, 2014

Oct 12, 2014  at Abu Dhabi

Australia won by 1 run

West Indies tour of India, 2014

Oct 11, 2014  at Delhi

India won by 48 runs


New Zealand vs South Africa, 1st ODI


Australia perpare for 1st Test against Pakistan

Pakistan’s chances in ICC World Cup 2015 bleak: Mohammad Zahid

Pakistan vs Australia 1st Test in Dubai Preview: Motivated Pakistan look to hurt rusty Australia

MS Dhoni rested, Virat Kohli as captain, and other points of interest from squad for first 3 India vs Sri Lanka ODIs

India vs Sri Lanka 2014: MS Dhoni gets much-needed break ahead of Australia tour

A Pakistan all-time XI: A galaxy of captains

Australia Australia tour of UAE 2014 Australia vs Pakistan Australia vs Pakistan 2014 India India vs West Indies 2014 New Zealand Pakistan Pakistan vs Australia Pakistan vs Australia 2014 Salaam Cricket South Africa West Indies West Indies tour of India 2014 West Indies vs India 2014

Shane Watson believes that Australia can improve in T20s

Pakistan vs Australia 2014: Younus Khan and Azhar Ali add stability to Pakistan innings

Duleep Trophy 2014-15 Semi-final North Zone vs Central Zone: Jalaj Saxena’s half century take Central to 149 for 2 at Lunch

India vs Sri Lanka 2014: Kumar Sangakkara in doubt for ODI series

Duleep Trophy 2014-15 East Zone vs South Zone Semi-final: South go to lunch at 63 for 1

Pakistan vs Australia 2014: Why did Mohammad Hafeez go for a shocking review?

Australia’s best opportunity to bury ghosts of playing on spinning track

Duleep Trophy Semi-Final, Central Zone vs North Zone: Players to watch out for

Pakistan’s chances in ICC World Cup 2015 bleak: Mohammad Zahid

Quinton de Kock equals wicketkeeping record with six catches in South Africa vs New Zealand 1st ODI

Fan of the Day

Suraj Gowda

Suraj Gowda

642 Posts | 9 Fans

Virat Kohli's Family Meets Anushka Sharma

IPL scheduled to begin from April 9

Microsoft Lumia to replace the Nokia brand

Delhi Jal Board launches mobile app to receive complaints, suggestions

How BMI and BMR play a role in weight loss

Sensex surges 215 points; auto stocks gain

Revealed: Shah Rukh Khan gets injured while promoting Happy New Year!

Deepika Padukone beats Sunny Leone and Malaika Arora Khan to become the hottest pole dancer in B-town!

Drink ginger tea to relieve a migraine naturally

Nokia HERE maps now available for all Android devices running Jelly Bean or higher

Live Cricket Score Pakistan vs Australia, 1st Test at Dubai Day 1

Also on cricketcountry.com

Play Fantasy Cricket & Win

Cash Daily! Click here