Home > Features > Humour >

Virat Kohli: Indian team building bridges as ambassadors of the game

Virat Kohli © Getty Images
Virat Kohli was proud of the way Indian team lost narrowly to Pakistan © Getty Images

By CS Krishna

Please note this is a humour article – work of pure fiction

Beleaguered stand-in skipper Virat Kohli said he is very proud of his boys for going down narrowly to arch-rivals to prolong a losing streak since the South African tour. Kohli claimed that the Indian team is doing its bit to win the hearts and minds of the cricket boards and public of other cricket nations to make up for the Board of Control for Cricket in India’s (BCCI) domineering ways which has fuelled a lot of resentment.

“Look, we are ambassadors of the game first and foremost,” Kohli said at the post-match press conference. “That means we need to exert India’s soft power, by giving non-Indian cricket fans moments to savour. Hate to use a Ravi Shashtri cliché, but in the end, cricket is the winner as a result of such gentlemanly and sporting behavior. The BCCI may be seen as a bully, but in contrast we are viewed as sweet, charitable people by others.”

Kohli said after the losses to South Africa and New Zealand, it was important to build bridges with Sri Lanka and Pakistan as well. “Did you check the social media to see what nice things Pakistani cricket fans were saying after the game? That is why more such sporting ties can bring our nations closer. In many ways, the Indian team’s approach to our Asian neighbors is an extension of the UPA’s [United Progressive Alliance] foreign policy,” the Delhi lad pointed out. “I hear the UPA government is doing a lot of humanitarian work in Afghanistan. The Indian team will try to complement that on the field as well,” the stand-in skipper noted about the team’s next match.

Kohli also sought to dispel the notion that he resorts to profanities on the field. “I actually say, ‘May God bless you, my dear’ and other such benign things to opponents. Just that I say it with such passion that some people misconstrue it.”

When asked about the heartburn of losing to Pakistan, Kohli turned philosophical. “It’s a zero sum game, yaar. Their joy is proportional to our grief so as whole there is no change. One way to cope with a narrow loss to Pakistan is to put yourself in the shoes of a Pakistani fan and vicariously partake in his ecstasy,” Kohli mused.

(CS Krishna, with Karthik Laxman, is the co-founder of www.theunrealtimes.com, where this article was originally published. The Unreal Times is India’s favourite satire, spoof, parody and humour portal where Krishna and Karthik jointly write under the pseudonym of UnReal Mama)

India tour of Australia 2014, Practice matches

Nov 24, 2014 (05:29 IST)   at Glenelg, Adelaide

Pakistan vs New Zealand in UAE, 2014

Nov 26, 2014 (11:30 IST)   at Sharjah

India tour of Australia 2014, Practice matches

Nov 28, 2014 (05:29 IST)   at Adelaide

England tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Nov 29, 2014 (10:00 IST)   at Colombo

Deodhar Trophy, 2014-15

Nov 29, 2014 (14:30 IST)   at TBC


Afghanistan tour of UAE, 2014

Nov 28, 2014  at Dubai

United Arab Emirates won by 5 wkts

Zimbabwe tour of Bangladesh, 2014

Nov 28, 2014  at Dhaka

Bangladesh won by 21 runs

Zimbabwe tour of Bangladesh, 2014

Nov 26, 2014  at Dhaka

Bangladesh won by 124 runs

England tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Nov 26, 2014  at Colombo

Sri Lanka won by 25 runs

Hong Kong tour of Sri Lanka, 2014

Nov 24, 2014  at Colombo

Hong Kong won by 2 wkts


Phil Hughes suffers head injury: In photos


Phil Hughes passes away: Video tribute

Sean Abbott will find the road ahead a living nightmare

Phillip Hughes’ death: What happens to India vs Australia Test series?

Phillip Hughes 63 not out, forever

Phil Hughes: Remembering his most memorable knocks

Phillip Hughes passes away: Crying for Phillip Hughes

Australia England India New Zealand New Zealand tour of UAE 2014 New Zealand vs Pakistan New Zealand vs Pakistan 2014 Pakistan Pakistan vs New Zealand Pakistan vs New Zealand 2014 Phil Hughes Phil Hughes Death Phil Hughes head injury Phillip Hughes Sri Lanka

India tour of Australia 2014-15: 1st Test set to be rescheduled as David Warner, Shane Watson and Brad Haddin not ready

UAE beat Afghanistan by 5-wickets in first ODI at Dubai

Bangladesh edge out Zimbabwe by 21 runs in 4th ODI at Dhaka

Phillip Hughes was destined for greatness: Steve Waugh

Afghanistan set 249-run target against UAE in 1st ODI at Dubai

Brendon McCullum smashes fastest Test century for New Zealand

Pakistan vs New Zealand, 3rd Test at Sharjah, Day Two: Statistical Highlights

Phillip Hughes’ death: Cricket resumes, but with a heavy heart

Bangladesh vs Zimbabwe 2014, 4th ODI at Dhaka: Highlights

Mushfiqur Rahim and Mohammad Mahmudullah record second-highest fifth wicket partnership for Bangladesh in ODIs

Fan of the Day

Niharika Shah

Niharika Shah

682 Posts | 6 Fans

Video: Phil Hughes suffers head injury, collapses on field during New South Wales vs South Australia tie

India is becoming our largest overseas market, Xiaomi CEO Lei Jun says

Fawad Khan Birthday Special: 7 reasons that make him the ONE you have been waiting for secretly!

‘एक्शन-जैक्सन’ मूवी के लिए अजय देवगण ने कैसे वज़न घटाया

More broadband connections to boost GDP growth in Asia Pacific: GSMA

वज़न घटाने का नुस्ख़ा #43: वज्रासन से वज़न घटायें

Priyanka Kothari Birthday Special: Sexy looks of the hot actress (In Pics)

Bigg Boss 8 highlights: Ali Quli Mirza left alone, Gautam Gulati gets special present from Diandra Soares

Bigg Boss 8: OMG! Gautam Gulati draggd to the bathroom by Diandra Soares

Also on cricketcountry.com

Play Fantasy Cricket & Win

Cash Daily! Click here