By Parag Goel
Sep 18, 2011
Anticipating stone-pelting from the cricket-worshipping Indian people, all airlines in England have refused to fly the Indian cricketers back to India. Some have expressed fear for the safety of their aircraft following India’s humiliation in the Test and ODI series. However, the team may be flown back by Mayawati’s private jet, which will also have WikiLeaks Editor-in-Chief Julian Assange and plane full of the finest British footwear for the Uttar Pradesh Chief Minister.
With Mayawati recently under fire from whistleblower WikiLeaks over allegedly sending her empty private jet to Mumbai over for collecting a pair of sandals, the BCCI has sensed a ray of hope. The website founder’s reply to Mayawati’s outburst (when he asked her to send over her jet to London to pick him up, assuming the British madhouses are full) was observed seriously. At the Annual General Body meeting of BCCI, where the issue was discussed, officials fervently hoped that Mayawati responds positively to Assange’s call — if not for Assange himself, then for the latest British footwear. A request letter asking her to accommodate the cricket team along with the footwear has been sent to her and initial reports suggest Mayawati is willing.
Sunil Gavaskar, like many, expressed concern at the development: “Won’t this set a precedent? That the BCCI is going in for such measures is understandable now, but what when our team is spanked again in future? They may take the easy way out for poor performances considering Mayawati’s footwear fetish set to take her across the world.”
Mayawati called a press conference when her office was contacted with the question if she will send her jet out to help the team if a similar thing happened to the team in the future. Mayawati, as usual, read out her reply: “Of course I will. After all they are the biggest stars of our country. If we won’t help them, who will?”
The statement read like, “Do you think Mayawati is foolish to let go of official opportunities to send her jet to collect footwear from abroad?”
But the story isn’t finished yet. Rumours abound that other politicians are contemplating outsourcing their fleets of private jets to other Indian sports teams who are genuinely short of money.
An unnamed coach said, “We are never given enough money for even kit and equipment. At least this move will help us save some money. If in return, they can carry out clandestine deeds, then so be it.” Sign of times.
Meanwhile, the forgotten Indian cricket team is… well… best forgotten.
(The above article by Parag Goel is from newsthatmattersnot.com - one of the leading news satire websites in India which publishes sarcasm, criticism, satire, and the like, through humorous news parody and social commentary)