After being unceremoniously dumped by Australian selectors from the One-Day International squad, Ricky Ponting has been picked to play for Team India. According to sources, the deal materialised during a late-night conference call involving Ponting, Board of Control for Cricket in India President N Srinivasan, and chief selector Krishnamachari Srikkanth, after the Australian legend agreed to their only non-negotiable condition that he be available for all Chennai Super Kings matches in the Indian Premier League (IPL).

“BCCI rocks! I’m told they never drop legends from the squad, especially when they are on the verge of achieving milestones,” said an elated Ponting, who has also rekindled his hopes of scoring a century of hundreds in international cricket.

The Tasmanian, in keeping with his 100% commitment to the team’s cause, has now gone one step further by ‘indigenising’ his last name to “Pandian” and shifting base to Chennai.

“Chennai is a lot like Australia - warm and sunny throughout the year, friendly people, awesome beaches, and run by a fantastic lady called Amma. Loving it, mate. I mean… machan!” exclaimed Ricky Pandian. “What’s more, I am told Chennai dudes don’t even get skin cancer despite spending all the time under the sun. Can’t wait to get a tan on Marina Beach and ogle at hot Chennai chicks,” said the Aussie, who has been advised to refer to Michael Clarke as ‘Naikutti’ rather than ‘Pup’ by his Tamil tutor, ‘Petrol Bunk’ Sekar.

But what about Ponting’s recent poor run of form?"

“Oh! That’s all right. We’ve asked him to play a few Ranji Trophy matches to get his mojo back, but not more than a handful. Otherwise, he’ll be incapable of playing on sporting tracks overseas, you see,” opined Srikkanth.

When queried whether selecting Ponting for Team India was a wise move, Srikkanth retorted, “Dude, anyway what other options do I have? The seniors are not performing and the newcomers are even worse. So we gotta look for ‘out-of-the-box’ solutions.”

Mahendra Singh Dhoni has welcomed Ponting’s selection for good reasons. Firstly Ponting Pandian is a good fielder, but more importantly, he will also be Dhoni’s CSK teammate. 

Needless pressure on Sachin Tendulkar: Sehwag

The development, however, hasn’t amused the Virender Sehwag camp. “Yaar, there are only so many aging legend slots in the team, and there’s already great competition for those slots, thanks to Dhoni’s annoying rotation policy,” grumbled Sehwag. “And imagine what pressure it will place on Sachin to stay ahead of Ponting when it comes to breaking records.”

Ian Chappell also thinks it is a lousy move that could set back Indian cricket by a few years, perhaps even decades if Ponting plays into his mid-40s. “If Ricky is struggling against the likes of Vinay Kumar, then I can’t see him surviving hostile spells of Brett Lee and other Australian pace bowlers, especially on pitches like the Gabba,” wrote the former Aussie skipper in his column, Chappeli’s Corner.

Ravi Shastri, however, has warned Chappell to back off. “He’s one of us, Chappelli. So you better be sweet about him or else..,” trailed off Shastri, struggling to articulate his rage into an apt cliché.

(Reproduced with permission from http://www.theunrealtimes.com/. The UnReal Times is one of the top websites for satire, spoof, parody and humour in India)