The BCCI proved that they are large hearted, unlike other sports bodies, when it announced a performance bonus of Rs 25,000 to each of Team India players for “successfully managing to field a playing 11 in all the matches, despite mounting injuries and going through the motions in the recently concluded series”.
BCCI President N Srinivasan observed, “Unlike the Hockey authorities, we look out for our boys even if they registered the third worst performance ever by an Indian cricket team in a combined Test and ODI series. The performance bonus is a token of appreciation for bringing the nightmarish tour to a satisfying end by losing the last ODI as well and producing a scoreline that is statistically charming.”
BCCI hopes this generous gesture will enhance its reputation of being highly considerate and magnanimous towards its players despite occasional sporting debacles of gargantuan magnitude.
Endorsing the move, outgoing BCCI President Shashank Manohar pointed out, “There is something appealing about failing to register a single win and yet avoiding a white-wash. The boys deserve kudos for warming the hearts of geeky cricket fans by producing a statistically neat result. A solitary win could have easily marred the final scoreline and upset the symmetry. I hope other sports bodies, especially the IHF, learn from our largesse.”
However, the Rs 25,000 cash reward will be pro-rated on the basis of time actually spent on the field considering that very few players actually played in all the matches.
Accordingly, the actual cash awarded to some of the players as per this scheme will be as follows:
· Zaheer Khan: Rs. 500 for bowling a few overs in the first Test before bowing out gracefully from the series.
· Rohit Sharma: Rs 100 for facing one ball from Stuart Broad before taking one on the knuckles for his country and withdrawing from the tour. The Mumbai lad’s talent was very much in evidence during his brief but memorable stay at the crease in the ODI series.
· Virender Sehwag: Rs 300 for providing hope to Indian fans for all of two balls during the 3rd Test and scoring heart-warming cameos in the 4th Test before exiting the squad.
· Ishant Sharma: Rs 1000 for some thankless donkey work during the Test matches and then returning home for a much needed break from the tedium.
· Wriddhiman Saha: Rs 1000 for valuable contributions as the 12th man and substitute fielder thereby relieving pressure on the playing XI.
Well, of course, skipper Dhoni will pocket the full amount for turning up for all the matches and not deserting a sinking ship, while Rahul Dravid will earn an extra Rs. 5,000 for condescending to play in the shorter versions of the game as well and being the team’s non bowling all-rounder.
Hockey India, however, rubbished BCCI’s generosity. “Let the BCCI share revenues from that joke called the IPL with the IHF and let hockey players also participate in IPL matches. Then see how charitable we become,” he acidly observed.
(Reproduced with permission from http://www.theunrealtimes.com/. The UnReal Times is one of the top websites for satire, spoof, parody and humour in India)