Mahendra Singh Dhoni has cemented his reputation as one of the game’s best finishers. So much so that he recently got a phone call from a rather shadowy figure, claiming to be a member of G-Company, with a proposal to ‘finish a game’ of an entirely different nature.
Interpol was kind enough to share transcripts of the intriguing conversation between the Indian skipper and the purported gangster.
Sidekick: Hellooo, kaun bol rela hai?
Dhoni: Captain Cool speaking. Who is this?
Sidekick: Mein G-Company se Bhai ka wafadar “High Voltage” Illyasi hai re. Suna hai tu achcha finish karta hai?
Dhoni (puzzled): Well, I finish matches in style so, of course, I am a good finisher. Er…Who are you and how did you get my personal number?
Sidekick: Who sab chhod re. Bhai bola ki Ravi Shastri tera bahut taarif kar rela hai aaj kal. Bole to, tera har shot tracer bullet ki tarah jaata hai. Ek dum jhakaas.
Dhoni: Thanks, man.
Sidekick: Achha, finish karne ke liye kaisa shot maar sakta hai tu?
Dhoni: Well, of course, it all depends on the situation, you know. Sometimes uppercut, sometimes backfoot punch. On occasions, I have executed the bottom handed drive off the front foot too. But if I am in a murderous mood, I bludgeon the bowler into submission and take him out of the attack. Oh yeah, once I used the helicopter shot to finish a match in style.
Sidekick: Wah, dhande mein helicopter shot bhi aa gaya kya? First class. Sun, bhai tujhe ek supari dena chahta hai.
Dhoni: Sorry, boss. I stopped chewing supari, gutka and all those cheap tobacco products the moment I was selected for the Indian cricket team.
Sidekick (getting annoyed): Jaada shaanpatti nahi karne ka, kya? Bole to…..10 khoka denga bhai ek party ko finish karne ke.
Dhoni (slightly flustered): Khoka? Dude, you know I only do Pepsi, na? I am contract- bound to not even take the name of the other brand.
Sidekick (shoots a few bullets into the ceiling to calm himself): Abhe mujhe aur mat paka. Bhai tujhe 10 crore dega… ek party to shoot karke dhamkana hai, maarne nahi hai. Bol… ha ya na?
Dhoni: Oh! You mean product endorsement. What’s the name of the company?
Sidekick: Ab hua na dhandhe waali baat. Party, bole to, cement ka dhanda karta hai. Naam hai… Motu Madrasi. Bhai bola ki Motu IPL auction mein bahut cheating kiya. Bhai ka manna hai ki yeh kaam tere liye achcha test hoga. Bol, karega?
(For one fleeting moment in his illustrious career, Captain Cool lost his cool, but quickly regained his composure to handle this googly with aplomb.)
Dhoni: Er… High Voltageji, tell Bhai I am not interested. You see, there are two formats I prefer to avoid. One, Test matches on foreign bouncy pitches. Two, the format you are alluding to. Don’t ever phone me again. Bye, Bhai.
(Captain Cool nonchalantly disconnected, picked up his bat, and sauntered off to the nets to whack a few balls and clear his mind)
(Reproduced with permission from http://www.theunrealtimes.com/. The UnReal Times is one of the top websites for satire, spoof, parody and humour in India)