Please note: This is a humorous piece – pure fiction.
The Indian Institute of Planning and Management (IIPM), the country’s leading business school – ahead of all the Indian Institute of Managements (IIMs) and poised to be ahead of itself in a few years – has blamed Indian cricket captain MS Dhoni for poor placements of its students this year in Master of Business Administration (MBA).
Professor Arindam Chaudhuri, Dean of IIPM, has claimed that although its students with significant work experience were being ignored by institute’s own placement committee, Dhoni was to be blamed.
“Dhoni’s preference for younger players is causing our placecom chairman to unduly focus on students with little or no work experience, which has hurt our overall placement records,” Prof. Chaudhuri said.
When asked why the Chairman of the Placement Committee blindly following Dhoni’s preferences, Prof. Chaudhuri disclosed that it was an “accident” that took place during IIPM’s routine practice of daring to think beyond the IIMs.
“When IIM Ranchi announced that they were going to map Dhoni's brain for a new course, we dared to think beyond them and decided to go for a one-to-one mapping with Dhoni’s brain,” Prof. Chaudhuri, also a best-selling author of management books, explained.
“Our placecom chairman volunteered to offer himself for brain mapping, and since then he had been thinking completely like Dhoni,” he said.
The self-made management guru further claimed that even Sachin Tendulkar’s inability to get his 100th century was due to poor placements, for which Dhoni should be blamed.
However, some IIPM students, on the conditions of anonymity, claim that the real reason why students with significant work experience were not getting placed was completely different.
“Placecom is trying all the tricks, but recruiters can’t believe that even after spending a few years in the industry, those students decided to opt for an MBA, that too from IIPM,” a student told Faking News, “Recruiters are willing to provide the benefit of doubt to students with no work experience, but not the same to those with significant work experience; that’s why poor placements.”
However, Prof. Arindam Chaudhuri has rubbished such claims and denied reports of rift between himself and his students.