By UnReal Mama
Please note this is a humour article – work of pure fiction
Irked what he perceives as unseemly controversy over the granting of visa by Indian authorities to allow him travel to New Delhi on January 6 for the final India-Pakistan One-Day International (ODI), Javed Miandad, has cancelled his visit since he felt like an ‘unwanted guest’.
The Pakistani batting legend will instead be making an ‘unofficial’ sojourn from Karachi to Mumbai via boat. As per the plan, he’ll be dropped off near Gateway of India in the middle of the night and then stroll over to the nearby Taj Mahal Hotel to refresh after which he will do pretty much whatever he fancies.
“Initially, I was miffed about being an unwanted guest and wanted to call off the whole thing, but the Pakistani authorities said there they had lot of experience in pushing unwanted guests into India. They suggested that I trek across the line of control into Kashmir and then hitch-hike a ride out of the Valley through the Banihal tunnel to arrive in New Delhi,” said Miandad. “But somehow that seemed too arduous and circuitous. That’s when my sambandhi, Dawoodbhai, suggested that I hop on to the ferry service he operates from Karachi to Mumbai which would take me to Mumbai in three hours flat. And the best part is there are no disembarkation formalities or travel restrictions. Now how cool is that, uh? Dawood bhai rocks!”
Dawood Ibrahim confirmed as much. “Courtesy D-Company, Javed mian can look forward to a very hospitable and comfortable stay in India. I also wanted to make an Indian passport, ration card and voter ID card for him, but Javed mian would have none of that because unlike me he doesn’t believe in dual citizenship.”
Miandad has a packed schedule ahead. After inaugurating a D-Company office in a seedy crime- infested Mumbai locality, he will fly to Delhi to watch the third ODI with Indian cabinet ministers, followed by high tea with the Indian Prime Minister after which he will slip into Nepal and take a flight back to Lahore.
Asked whether he was nervous about making an ‘unofficial trip’, Miandad laughed it off. “Ha ha, not really. The only person I’ve been warned to stay clear of is Arnab Goswami. I look forward to sledging the Indian PM though when I call on him. Bahut pakata hai,” he told The Unreal Times.
(“Unreal Mama” is the pen name under which CS Krishna and Karthik Laxman, the founding editors of The Unreal Times (www.theunrealtimes.com ), write fictional news reports, dressing room conversations and other such articles marrying humour with satire. The Unreal Times is India's favourite satire, spoof, parody and humour portal and the article above is reproduced with permission)
First Published: January 6, 2013, 9:32 am