Please note this is a humour article – work of pure fiction
Following Cheteshwar Pujara’s double century after his marriage and admittance that the pressure of marriage helped him perform, the Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI) has decided to help cricketers with marriage and performance. The board would be starting a marriage bureau, which will help cricketers find their better halves and, hopefully, a better career.
“We have stats to prove that marriage has improved the performance of many cricketers — be it Sachin Tendulkar, Mahendra Singh Dhoni, Ravichandran Ashwin and, more recently, Pujara. So we thought to make the process official,” BCCI spokesman and Indian Premier League (IPL) chief Rajeev Shukla told Faking News.
“We will be fixing matches for them,” Shukla came up with a double entendre sentence, similar to the one issued by Pujara at the presentation ceremony after the conclusion of the Hyderabad Test against Australia.
Like its other initiatives, the BCCI will aim to maximise revenues while providing the services, according to sources.
“They will start with a bidding process and girls could bid to win date with young cricketers. They are already hopeful of earning millions by auctioning off Virat Kohli,” a source disclosed.
“All unmarried cricketers will be available for auction. Foreigners too will be allowed to bid. This will also make sure that cricketers don’t flirt with cheerleaders during the next IPL,” the source claimed.
Apart from making money through the dating process, the BCCI hopes to make a killing when a cricketer finally gets married.
“They will organise a grand wedding party. Shahrukh Khan, the owner of Kolkata Knight Riders, has been roped in to perform at the parties. Sponsorship of various rituals, tickets, and TV broadcast rights of such weddings will be sold off at a premium rate,” the source further disclosed.
While the whole process appears like glamorisation and commercialisation of cricket, BCCI insists that the whole step is aimed at improving a player’s on-field performance.
“We have been thinking of this plan ever since former coach Gary Kirsten supported pre-match sex more than three years ago,” Shukla claimed.
When asked if the plan also extends to women’s team, Shukla refused to comment, though he smiled.
(Rahul Roushan, is a graduate from IIM Ahmedabad, who goes by the name of “Pagal Patrakar” (that’s “Crazy Journalist” in Hindi). He is the Managing Editor of Faking News. Rahul says for him, “satire is an attempt to point out shortcomings or oddities in our society, ideally with a message and intent for betterment, in a non-hostile manner and without sounding overtly accusative or pontificating.” The above post has been reproduced with permission from www.fakingnews.com)
First Published: March 6, 2013, 12:21 pm