The Australian cricket board has declared Shane Warne as the Australian Cricketer of the Year for 2011 for ‘finally managing to get on top of a pommie and more than making up for the Ashes debacle.’
“Things were looking bad after England walloped us in the 2010-11 Ashes, but Warne’s off-field conquest of English supermodel Liz Hurley and actress, has brought back smiles to the faces of Australian cricket fans and for this, he is our “Australian Cricketer of Year,” announced Cricket Australia CEO, James Sutherland.
Australian PM, Julia Gillard, was even more fulsome in her praise for the leg-spin wizard. “I don’t really follow Test cricket, but from what I gather, Shane bowled with commendable discipline over many sessions and finally had Liz stumped with a well-flighted googly. If Warne continues in this vein, I am sure we will regain the Ashes,” said Ms. Gillard.
Australian cricketing greats have also lauded the move.
“Warne did not just bag another English bunny, he did so by edging out an Indian competitor. So it was doubly satisfying,” noted Richie Benaud, alluding to Hurley dumping her India-born husband, Arun Nayar for the former Australian Test cricketer.
“Shane played hard and fair, and was rewarded in the end for his perseverance. And the best part is he did not even have to resort to any sledging in this particular match,” observed former team mate, Steve Waugh, who believes that Warne’s romantic conquest exemplifies the doughty, playing-to-win approach of Australian cricketers.
Cricket Australia will mark this achievement with a victory parade through the streets of Melbourne where Warne will showcase his ‘trophy fiancé’ to an adoring public.
Newly-anointed Test skipper Michael Clarke has also requested Cricket Australia to hire Shane Warne as the new coach to help the team get back to winning ways. “Warnie’s tips to become more metrosexual under Liz’s guidance should help the boys regain confidence both on and off the field. That should help us become the No 1 team in the world again,” remarked Clarke, who is increasingly regarded as a tactically shrewd and cerebral captain.
(Reproduced with permission from http://www.theunrealtimes.com/ The UnReal Times is one of the top websites for satire, spoof, parody and humour in India)