Please note: This is a humorous piece – pure fiction.
After taking oath as Rajya Sabha MP, Sachin Tendulkar bumped into Prime Minister Manmohan Singh in the Upper House. Surprised at this sudden encounter, Tendulkar initiated a conversation with Dr Singh, the transcript of which was accessed by Faking News through our exclusive Parliament sources:
Sachin Tendulkar: Aila! Prime Minister of India! How come you are here!?
Manmohan Singh (MMS): I’m also a Rajya Sabha MP!
Tendulkar: Oh! So, you were also nominated?
MMS: Well, yes.
Tendulkar: I was nominated for playing cricket, what about you?
MMS: Hmmm… I was the Finance Minister when India opened up the economy. You know – that thing called liberalisation, which helped India go global. Else no international brands would have come to India and you would have got no sponsorship deals.
Tendulkar: Oh, I thought I got those deals because I played good cricket and I was popular.
MMS: No! You got this Rajya Sabha nomination for playing well and being popular. Don’t confuse the two issues.
Tendulkar: Hmmm… frankly, I did have some doubts over correlation between playing well and earning after I saw Yusuf Pathan and Ravindra Jadeja earning so much in the IPL auctions.
MMS: I don’t know much about IPL, though Mamata Banerjee had sent me a mail asking me to tweet about Kolkata’s victory.
Tendulkar: Never mind; our PM should know issues related to GDP better than IPL.
Tendulkar: Sorry, did I say something inappropriate?
MMS: Well, sort of, because the latest GDP figures are not good.
Tendulkar: Oh sorry! But when I was coming to the parliament with Rajiv Shukla, he said there is a lot of growth.
MMS: He might have been referring to the growth that an MP experiences. Maybe he was trying to motivate you to become an active parliamentarian.
Tendulkar: Oh, Shuklaji is always cryptic. Last time he took me to Sonia Gandhi and told me that meeting her was necessary as she was part of the government. Later I realised that meeting you or the President was enough. After all, you head the government, right?
Tendulkar: Sorry, did I say something inappropriate again?
MMS: Never mind. You tell me, how did you like the Parliament, especially Rajya Sabha?
Tendulkar: It’s good. I had heard some people say that parliament is full of murderers, dacoits, and rapists, but I didn’t find any.
MMS: Attendance is not mandatory unless party issues whip; so you won’t find all the members every day.
Tendulkar: What!? You mean there are actually such people in the Parliament?
MMS: Oops! I think I misinterpreted your statement. But forget what you asked. It’s true that attendance is not mandatory. And since you don’t belong to any party, you can skip it altogether. But try coming to the Parliament. Our canteen is very cheap and offers good food.
Tendulkar: Sure! Thanks for the invitation, Sir.
MMS: You are welcome! And yes, that invitation was on behalf of UPA chairperson, Madam Sonia Gandhi.
(Rahul Roushan, is a graduate from IIM Ahmedabad, who goes by the name of “Pagal Patrakar” (that’s “Crazy Journalist” in Hindi). Rahul says for him, “satire is an attempt to point out shortcomings or oddities in our society, ideally with a message and intent for betterment, in a non-hostile manner and without sounding overtly accusative or pontificating.” He is the Managing Editor of www.fakingnews.com from where the above article has been sourced with permission)