Dhoni trying to explain his view point to Lord Indra! © Getty Images
Please note: This is a humorous piece – pure fiction.
After suffering annihilation at the hands of Australian openers Shane Watson and David Warner, captain MS Dhoni laid the blame for the defeat on the brief spell of rain just after the Australian innings began. Most cricket fans shook their heads, curse the Indian skipper and reconciled themselves to the mind-numbing defeat, but Lord Indra, the God of rain, was not amused at all.
“Nonsense!” thundered Lord Indra. “My earthly interventions are not designed around inconsequential events such as cricket matches, and certainly not on who is batting first. Regardless of the impression you puny earthlings may have from your meteorological department, the rain schedule is drawn up well in advance, and we maintain a meticulous adherence to it.”
Indra was in no mood to relent.
“Who is Dhoni kidding?” roared the God of Thunder. “He won the goddamn toss. He could as well have turned the rain in his favour by opting to chase. We did dispatch a few rain-clouds to broadcast our intent well in advance. Why did he decide to bat first?
“And don’t try to fool me. I caught the second half of the match on my new iPhone 5. I saw the way Harbhajan Singh, Piyush Chawla and Ravichandran Ashwin bowled bloody half-trackers that even Airavat could have pulled over the square-leg boundary. Why should I take the blame for such crap bowling?” the Rig Vedic deity added.
“Do not for a moment think that I don’t understand cricket,” he continued his tirade. “I am no American God. I understand fully well the nuances of the game – the pitch, the conditions and even the DRS. Well, I might not understand the Duckworth-Lewis method, but then who does?”
Swargdas Banerjee, Unreal Times’s Heavenly Affairs correspondent, implored: “But Sir, you are after all a Hindu God, and most of your followers are also keen fans of Indian cricket. Couldn’t you have made an exception to your strict schedule this time? After all it is the World Cup!”
The Lord snorted in disdain and said, “It’s T20, for God’s sake. If it was Test Cricket I may have thought about it.”
When this correspondent opened his mouth to protest further, the God shut him up by raising his Vajrayudha threateningly. “Next time you guys lose a cricket match, go blame some other God, perhaps the one on earth whom you have anointed as ‘God’,” he said and stomped off with his consort, the enchantingly pretty Queen Sachi.
(Reproduced with permission from http://www.theunrealtimes.com/. The UnReal Times is one of the top websites for satire, spoof, parody and humour in India)
