AB de Villiers sensational ODI record hundred gets him a 75% fine and two-match ban from SA board!

Please note this is a humour article — work of pure fiction

While cricketers, ex-cricketers and cricket lovers around the world are gushing in praise of his record shattering 31 ball hundred, his own cricket board has given AB de Villiers an unusual gift — a 75% match-fee fine and a two-match ban.

“With less than a month to go for the World Cup, this is the worst possible thing that he could have done for the South African team. Thanks to his ill-conceived performance, people are already referring to South Africa as one of the favorites for the title, thereby setting up the team to choke. Can you imagine the effect of this on the morale of the boys?” demanded Chief Executive Haroon Lorgat.

Former South African player Brian “Big Mac” McMillan of the “22 runs off 1 ball” fame echoed Lorgat’s thoughts. “We were all hoping to sneak into the World Cup as an underdog. Now that hope is blown to bits. As the captain of a South African squad going into the World Cup, AB really should have known better,” he said, shaking his head.

A pall of gloom hung over the post-match meeting convened by Coach Russell Domingo to review the team’s performance, with the C-word on everyone’s mind. Most players wore sullen looks, a few were reportedly trembling. Not willing to take any chances, Domingo immediately called for an emergency medical check-up session to assess the mental make-up of the players.

“It might already be too late,” said a grim Brandon Jackson, team physio. “Players are complaining of nightmarish mental images of Allan Donald refusing Lance Klusener that single, Herschelle Gibbs dropping Steve Waugh’s catch, or the 1992 World Cup rain-rule reducing 22 required off seven balls to 22 required off one with Brian McMillan gawking at the scoreboard. We know from past experience that once the C-word takes hold over the player’s psyche, it rarely lets go.”

Later in the day, Captain Mahendra Singh Dhoni called up his downbeat South African counterpart to offer him a word of advice on how to handle tough days that the South African captain will arguably face in the coming days. “Try practicing this line: ‘I’m not worried about the results. I’m interested in the process. As long as we do the right things, I am happy, regardless of the result’,” he told AB de Villiers.

(Originally published in www.theunrealtimes.com“Unreal Mama” is the pen name of CS Krishna & Karthik Laxman, founding editors of the site which is India’s favourite satire, spoof, parody and humour portal)