Ahead of match with India, Pak cricketers demand accommodation in JNU for motivation

Carrying on with the trend of being in the headlines for all the wrong reasons, the team manager of Pakistan Cricket Team submitted an application to the home ministry of the Government of India demanding accommodation in the prestigious JNU campus.

The letter mentioned that the team was in great spirits after the Bangladesh match but was extremely worried at the prospect of facing their arch rivals. Going by the record, they have never won a match against India in a long time. The team was originally happy with the change of venue to Kolkata but after their outing against Bangladesh, they were receiving a lot of hate and anger from the local Bangladeshi population. The team is in need of “special motivation” and a “homely atmosphere” to be in the proper state of the mind and this could be achieved in the JNU campus.

An official of the Pak cricket team said, “Bharat tere tukde honge and Bharat ki barbadi inshallah inshallah, this feels just like home and it is exactly what the boys want to hear. We will also get access to booze and sleaze going by recent reports. Free food, free stay and lots of free loaders like us! I am sure one speech of Kanhaiya will charge them up like Kabir Khan cheered the hockey team in Chak De India. We will also get the support of the opposition, the left and the media. We are eagerly waiting for senior journos to visit our rooms for interviews, chais and condoms. Maybe someone may even write a presentation speech which we will memorize and speak at the post match ceremony to stop those Pakistani-don’t-know-English jokes. Even a half a day stay will have great impact on the boys.”

While Shahid Afridi and Kanhaiya are at loggerheads to establish who is senior amongst the two, Waqar Younis has confessed that if they lose the game they will request the Indian media to declare the live telecast “doctored” and claim that Pakistan actually won the game, just like their claims on all the Indo-Pak wars.

Please note this is a humour article — work of pure fiction

(Sai Aditya Naidu is a Doctor, Poet, Foodie, Love literature, mad about Music and die hard Game of Thrones Fan. This article was originally published in UnrealTimes. He tweets @ImTheSkylord.)